Premeditated Pseudonym

29|Seperation

Today was different. Madison's cooking didn't wake me, but neither did Zayan's crying. Jason's voice definitely woke me, as he came into the living room asking for his daddy. As he saw me, he ran and hugged me. I asked Sarah for her mother, but she saw her leave for work with Zayan.

As I looked outside, there was snow, but I barely even noticed since the heating on the inside was up and running perfectly. Luckily I went with Zayan yesterday for the test, or I wouldn't have gotten another opportunity to do so. It was too cold to call Ryan and Lauren, so I dressed the kids in warm attire and took them to the car. They would spend the day at grandma and grandpa's house while I ran a few errands.

They were both excited, so I tried my best to reach as quickly and safely as possible. As I dropped them off, I went about my business. I rang Cindy, who had always been excited to see my number show, and as I rang, she answered.

"So what time would you be passing?"

"How did you know?"

"I have my ways?"

"Don't be working no voodoo now!"

"Oh hell no boi, you silly. Mama doesn't deal with the spirits. Just the heart!"

"I'll take your word for it"

As I made arrangements to meet up, Cindy was ready for me. As I showed, she opened the door and invited me in. The heat in here was blasting, so I was comfortable to take off my coat and boots. Cindy could see the distress on my face, so she asked what was going on in my mind.

I told her about the stress I had going on at home, but I don't know how long I can keep it up. I told her about the paternity test and Madison's friend she made since December. She listened to every bit of hurt that came out of my mouth and she offered to comfort me. She began to take off her clothes and her belly was completely visible.

Its already six months and counting, which means that my child will be born in February. I couldn't wait for Jason to see his new baby brother or sister. The hard thing would be to explain Cindy to him in a way he'd understand. As Cindy began to undress me, I could feel an overwhelming urge to have rough sex with her, but I was unable to since her stomach was so big.

I actually had to take it slow this time. It's amazing how even after five months, her stomach was a bit flat even though she was so far along. Guess it developed during the beginning of this month, or I'd notice a while now. I'm not sure the kind of mother Cindy would make since I only got to see her in mission mode and freaky mode. I'm sure she'll do fine, after all, she's a woman and that's what they do.

Adapting to situations are what they do best, besides stressing us and cooking. I know there are a lot more positives, but those are the stereotypical ones. I love Cindy and I loved Madison, but that episode last night and Zayan just changed me. I would wait for the results, before dealing with my Madison situation.

As my mind raced, Cindy and I had the best slow sex ever. Her body structure changed and her slightly thicker thighs, just made me even more heated than I already was. It was amazing that as a man, I could still find the energy and drive to have sex during a heartbreaking situation, but we do it because we're men. After Cindy had her fill and I as well, she began to give me some more advice.

I listened to her, and I knew I had to make my decision on my own. Cindy told me whenever I'm ready, I can move into her place. Since she needs a man around the house and I'm the father of her child, she'll be happy for the addition of myself and my son, once I get to keep him.

I haven't thought about it as a problem, but Madison would have her hands full with Sarah and Zayan, it's only right that I take my son with me, so id have both my kids with me. That was another topic for another day, so right now I'm as bout to go pick up Sarah and Jason from their grandparents' house and head home.

I called Madison, but I'm guessing she had blocked me for some reason. As I was about to leave, I got a call from the hospital. I got in my car and drove there as quick as possible, but first I'll need some gas. I got to the gas station and the pump attendant, filled me up. After that, I was on my way to sudden truth. I really was surprised that they got the results so soon.

I honestly thought I'd have to wait a month or some weeks, but I'm amazed and quite speechless. As I arrived, I saw the nurse and I got the results. I slowly unfolded the paper and just as I thought, Darrin Smith was the father. I was happy to find out the truth, but I was sad that I'd have to leave Sarah. I'd really gotten attached to her for these few months. Since the day she ran to me in the park, I knew she was special.

Instead of going to Ryan and Lauren's house, I went straight home and started to pack my stuff. It was mostly clothes and cosmetics since Madison had everything material before I entered her life. I packed up my trunk and went back to Cindy's home to drop off my belongings. I then went to Ryan and Lauren's home where I took the kids and went home, waiting for Madison to show up.

She came home on time today, I'm guessing because of Zayan. We had an argument about some crazy things, I couldn't remember because it happened so fast. I eventually showed her the slip with Zayan's father's name, then I told her I'm leaving and I was taking Jason with me. Madison couldn't argue with that one since she was still in shock after what I'd done.

I entered Sarah's bedroom and I spoke to her a bit. I promised her I'll visit her, once Madison would allow it, then I kissed her goodnight. Madison begged me to stay, but I was too disgusted with her to stay around any longer. As I reached the car, Madison with tears in her eyes on her knees, begged me to stay a bit just to tuck Sarah in bed.

It's only because of Sarah, that I decided to stay a bit until she fell asleep. Sarah, Jason and I played a bit, sang songs, laughed and talked a lot. As I looked at the time, it was already 9pm. Time really goes fast when you're having fun, so I tucked Sarah in bed and kissed her goodnight, before turning off the light and putting on the night light.

As I left the room, Madison stood up from the couch with tears in her eyes. She apologized so much, I think she apologise in Spanish as well. I couldn't have it, but being the individual that I am, I can't let my son see me leaving his mother in tears like that. I stayed a bit longer, comforting her and promising her ill send Jason to spend some time with her once she was at home.

I honestly didn't want Jason around the man that helped destroy his parents' marriage, but if he was around and saw Zayan's father and he was carrying them all out, then I couldn't stop him from going with them and having fun. Once he gets older and mister Smith pits his hands on my son, then I'll put my hands on him, whether he likes it or not. After my talk with Madison, I took Jason, who had been asleep for half an hour now, and carried him into the car.

Madison waved to me with tears in her eyes as I left, and I couldn't help but feel sorry, but Madison soiled our marriage by sleeping with that Darrin person. I know I had sex with Cindy as well, but in the time span that it happened, she was wrong first. I looked at it as a defense or a means of getting back at her for what she did, because Cindy got pregnant after a fling as well.

The only difference is that I fell in love with Cindy after spending so much time with her. It's obvious that I can't get married until we file for divorce, but I don't think I'm ready for such a big step just yet. I think I'll take things extra slow with this one.

As I got to the house with Jason, Cindy opened the door and I put him on the extra bed in the other room. Cindy had already decorated it for his arrival, but he was asleep. In the morning Cindy said we'll go shopping for some more groceries and stuff for Jason, so I was excited. I could only hope that Jason and Cindy could get among well.

I know as a five-year-old, the sudden change might be hard on him, but he's my son so it shouldn't affect him too much. Cindy and I then unpacked my things and I even had my own space in the huge wardrobe of hers. It took us a while, but luckily it was just clothes. My clothes took a while but Jason's took almost forever since we had to fold over most of it because it got upset during transport.

As we were finished, Cindy and I were tired as hell. Something was really wrong with us since we still found time to have a bit of slow freaky sex before bed. We talked a bit about our plans for the future and our children's future as well. As we were done, we both turned and I hugged Cindy until we both fell asleep.