I Found What I Was Missing

Chapter 29: I Hope That You Never Give Up On Me

I Hope That You Never Give Up On Me

Living without Killua for two years, was by far one of the hardest things Gon has ever had to do. Everyday, whenever something interesting would happen, or he thought of something he wanted to say, or saw something he thought the other might like, he would turn to his side to point it out, to say whatever it was he wanted to; only to find no one by his side.

And like a slap to the face, he would realize that, oh, Killua isn't here; and his heart would sink as heartache settled in. He hated it.

It wasn't as though he and Killua stopped talking completely, they wrote, texted, emailed or called whenever they had the chance, but it just wasn't the same. Killua didn't have enough time for all the things Gon wanted to tell him.

The first two months were hard, but not so much that they were as unbearable as they started to get seven months in. He spent a few days with Ging, went on a few hunts with Kite; and eventually returned home.

Gon absolutely refused to tell Aunt Mito and Grandma Abe why Killua wasn't with him, nor did he tell them about his nen. Gon realised, realistically, that he should be able to relearn his nen, but it didn't feel right; not yet.

So he spent most of his time doing schoolwork, chores and fishing or just generally spending his free time outside. His exploring helped him come across a nice clearing, and deep down he knew; it was time to relearn his nen.

He spent every free moment he had to relearn nen, it was frustrating, and more often than not he would give up for the day with a frustrated scream at the sky.

Eventually though, his nen came back to him. And time went on, too. By the time he and Killua were seven months apart, Gon grew frustrated and angry. He had this deep, carnal urge to have his best friend by his side.

Gon was selfish, everyone who knew him knew this, and yet, he couldn't find it in himself to ask Killua to come back to him. He wasn't sure if it was because of how happy his friend sounded the rare few times they could call each other, or the many pictures he received via email of Killua and Alluka.

It was when he turned fifteen that that urge grew stronger. He spent his birthday with Aunt Mito and Grandma Abe, but he felt incomplete, until he received a call from Killua.

They talked for hours on end, and Gon had cherished it greatly, a warm feeling blooming in his chest at hearing his best friend's voice.

He grew agitated once Killua had to hang up, but refused to let his friend know. Killua was happy right now, out there traveling the world with Alluka.

A new, ugly feeling rose in him at merely thinking the girl's name. It took him a while to identify it as jealousy, and he felt disgusted with himself for feeling like that.

It was his own fault, after all, that he and Killua aren't traveling the world together. A year apart and Aunt Mito finally told him he had presented as alpha; and at first Gon was confused.

It took him a long time to accept this, but he mostly ignored it. Gon noticed how much he was growing, his appetite increasing, and his foul moods growing worse.

He spent even more time outside, choosing to give up on studying altogether as he grew frustrated far too quickly for it. He had even snapped at Aunt Mito once when she pestered him about it. He hadn't come home for the better part of a week and she never tried to get him to study again.

Gon noticed that once he presented alpha, his nen training went a lot smoother than it did before. He grew powerful, until his strength far exceeded what it was during the Chimera Ant war.