I Found What I Was Missing

Chapter 47: The War, Part 3

The War, Part 3

Izuku threw open the front door, stumbling out into the snow before he fell onto his hands and knees, uncaring of the freezing cold that seeped though his pants and numbed his hands. Hot tears slid down his cheeks as he sobbed quietly, one hand raising to clench his shirt over his heart.

He wished he'd never heard what his mother told him. He wished this was all just a bad dream, a nightmare, and he'd wake up any minute now and everything would be fine. His mom and dad were okay, they didn't have to go though war, lose so many of their friends, and Killua didn't have to go through that.

His arms trembled, limbs starting to ache, but he didn't care. His heart clenched, unwanted images popping up in his mind. He shook his head, hoping to dispel the dark thoughts and images that were beginning to plague him.

He had thought it was bad, from what Cheadle had told him and the aftermath he'd seen on the last video they had left him, but this was so much worse than he'd thought.

“Get up, Izuku,” Katsuki spoke up from beside him, and Izuku jerked as he looked up, surprised to see the blond alpha beside him.
Kacchan's eyes were red, as well as his cheeks and nose, but that was likely from the cold.

Katsuki had had the mind to at least put on his boots and a jacket, unlike Izuku, whom had stupidly stumbled out into the snow with socks and a short sleeved shirt.

“I, I can't, I-” Izuku muttered, shuddering as a pained noise slipped passed his lips, his right hand clenching even tighter over his chest. “I don't want to face this reality anymore, Kacchan,”

Katsuki stood silently beside him, refusing to acknowledge how his lip trembled.
“I, I wish I could make it better. Take away all the painful memories of that time, but I can't. I can't do a goddamned thing!” Izuku shouted, slamming his right fist into the snow. “All I can think about is what I was doing while they went through all this. Fuck! I didn't even know they existed! And while I was here, pathetically pouting because I didn't have a quirk, completely oblivious to their existence, they were out there fighting, losing friends and comrades and, and getting, getting violated-!” He sucked in a shuddering breath.

“I wish I could just, just-!” Izuku gestured with his hands, struggling to put his emotions and wants into words. “If that bastard wasn't already dead, I'd kill him,” he stated eventually, voice completely emotionless.

“Fuck!” Katsuki cussed, reaching forward to Izuku who jumped at the sudden sound of his voice, eyes widening.
Katsuki grabbed the front of his shirt with both of his hands, bodily pulling Izuku up to his feet.

The smaller alpha stared with wide, emerald eyes into watery, hate filled crimson.
“You fucker! You think you're the only one that wants to kill that bastard for what he did?! Fuck, Deku, I want to kill that son of a bitch too! Killua might not be my mother, but he's still special to me, okay?! I care about every single person in that house, so much that it fucking hurts, and to hear that, I, I don't know what to do!” Katsuki expressed, body trembling.

“How the fuck am I supposed to be the number one hero, if I can't even fucking help someone I care about!? How, how am I suppose to be a hero, when I can't even admit, how much I-I love-” Katsuki trailed off, hanging his head as his grip loosened on Izuku's shirt, tears sliding down his cheeks.

“I can't,” Katsuki cried and all Izuku could do was stand there and watch as his mate fell apart.
Katsuki had always been like this, he blamed himself for things that weren't even in the least bit his fault, he had way too high expectations of himself, and he loved with all his heart.