List of things to remember about Ryen's religion a.k.a "Parokya ni Rai" and referred as "PENGUISM"
• Amen is replaced by Ashet.
—Made with frustration for the most part. (Can I just say? Men are frustrating that's why it's replaced by shet. And maybe women's period is called menstruation because it's short for "men's frustration." Hmm.)
• Thou shall not clasp thy hands together. (You do the double dab in place of it: 🙅)
• Thou shalt pray to Ryen.
—Sambahin ang ngalan niya.
• Thou shalt consider TinamoCafé as thine temple.
—Or maybe 7/11 because TC's branch isn't available yet.
• The counter is the altar.
—If in 7/11 it should be the slushee machine.
• Thou must visit the temple 7 times a week.
—One must regularly maintain a direct relationship with God so that thy will not break faith. (Daily prayer meeting is advised.)
• We say Hail Ginger instead of hallelujah.
• We "praise the lost".
• We say "At sumainyo rin" when insulted.
• We replace Forgive me father for I have sinned with: Sorry Daddy I was naughty.
• Thou shan't force thine beliefs to others if others does not want you to.
—Wag mong pilitin baka pumayag.
• REMEMBER: IF SHIT HAPPENS, IT'S NOT REALLY SHIT.
—If life gives you lemons, manipulate the lemonade maker to make you a banana shake.
Now, I know that's 12 but who cares? If you're finally ready, visit the TC temple and seek for answers, but for now? Humayo kayo at magpaka-toxic.
BINABASA MO ANG
TinamoCafé
General FictionMahilig ka ba magkape? Depressed ka ba? Kung oo ang sagot, I have something for you, but it's a secret. Because this book contains something that shouldn't be told. But if you're curious, come in! We're open.
