One night. That was the deal. Everytime it happened after that shame would cloud your mind and body. But you couldn't stop seeing him. It had stopped being about sex a long time ago, most of the nights the act of coitus not even taking place. He gave you something that you unknowingly craved for, an open heart. Owen had always been a closed book, never giving away how he felt or what he thought. He was pragmatic. And even though he had emotions, most of the times they would only get shown in the form of screaming. Old fashioned. That was how you would describe him to friends when they would give you a hard time about him. His decision was law and you didn't have a say. He decided to move outside of Dublin, he decided you should stop working, he decided it was time for children, he decided. Always the sergeant. With this, it was the only thing you had power over.
You were sitting before the window, staring through the rain that was falling on the streets of Dublin. Alex knew that your mind probably was going a million miles an hour. Over thinking everything He just wished you would talk to him. Tell him what was going on in your mind. He sat naked on his bed, the duvet covering the lower part of his body. His knees pulled up and his arms loosely leaning on his knees. Not one moment looked he away from your form. A part regretted even trying getting you out of his mind that one time, for if he hadn't, the two of you wouldn't be in this situation. Slowly you moved your hand over your stomach. A child he thought. He didn't know if he was ready for a child but like his mother always said: you don't take a child, you get one. He always rolled his eyes at it, which would earn a slap from his mother for disrespecting woman. But she was right. It wasn't a choice. He couldn't help the fear that you would leave him and would raise the kid up with Owen. He had met him a handful of times but disliked him from the very first moment. Posh prick. He had wanted to ask for you to just stay, to leave Owen, but everytime he chickened out. Nerves wrecking his body. His thoughts are interrupted with a sudden movement from you. You had jumped off the window seat and rushed to him. You crawled on the bed and carefully forced his knees down. Questiongly he stares at you, his blue eyes clouded with tears he didn't know were there. Your knees on either side of his thighs, taking his face in your hand, you just stare into his eyes. You needed to know and although you couldn't predict the future, the one you saw with Alex was far better than the one you had with Owen. You close your eyes and feel the burn. A lump forms in your throat. You kiss him passionately without saying anything. This was wrong and although it inherently didn't make you a bad person, it wasn't a good thing either and now you are forced to make a choice. You let go of Alex and pick up your phone. As you sit on the edge of the bed, you feel Alex shift. He lays down, his head near your stomach and puts his hand on your hip. The phone rings and when Owen finally picks up, already complaining, you tell him. That you aren't in love with him anymore and that you wanted to break up. Before he could scream any abuse at you, you hang up. Sighing. You weren't feeling well and it would take some time to forgive yourself. But you believed in yourself and that you and Alex are not bad people, you just handled the situation badly. And although this wasn't the last time you talked to Owen, you finally made him your choices clear. Alex sits up and pulls you into a hug, shushing you softly. You look up at him and smile ruefully. 'For a moment I was scared you were calling him to tell him to kick my arse.' You laugh and rub tears away from your face. 'That crossed my mind but I thought what if the baby has your blue eyes instead of my colour or Owen's. That would've been hard to explain.' You tease. Alex pulls you onto the bed, laying flat on your back and tickles you making you laugh like you hadn't done in years. 'We'll be okay, won't we?' You ask after the two of you had calmed down. Alex hangs over you, leaning on his arms and stares into your eyes. 'We will be perfect.'
