I look at myself in the full length mirror that sits in the corner of our bedroom. I take the sight of myself in, full noticing how my breasts look under the lace, how my stomach looks slimmer than the usual pooch that's there, and my thighs. My thighs are my favorite part of me. They're thicker than "normal" touching each other just above my knees. I've never had a thigh gap and I never will. I'm not usually up to the lacey intimates, but this was supposed to Niall's birthday surprise until I saw him walking into the living room wearing that suit with the tie that matches the lace on lingerie.
I've never been one for lingerie. I always thought that if you aren't turned on enough by the time you're throwing the clothes on the floor, then you just aren't sexually attracted to them and lingerie was a waste of money and time. I was almost repulsed by lingerie. I would hurry past the shops and sex stores not because I was embarrassed or anything of that nature, but because I just couldn't see myself ever wondering into those kinds of shops.
But that was before I met Niall. We have an amazing sex life. We can not get enough of each other, and it's funny to think that I thought once that Niall would never be sexually attracted to me because I didn't look like the other girls that he's dated or had been seen with. I'm a bigger girl. I have thick thighs that could probably suffocate someone if I put them in a leg lock. I have a tummy with stretch marks that slouches over my pants. My whole body has cellulite and I'm okay with that. I've tried to imagine myself smaller, and I have, but I never saw myself in lingerie. Never in a million years. I have bras that I consider sexy that pushes my breasts up almost to my chin it feels like. Niall loves those bras because he knows I only wear them for him.
I'd like to think of myself as modest. I try to cover up all of my goods, and it's hard to. I have a lot of boobs, stomach, ass, and thighs to cover so finding clothes that fit properly is hard. Shopping with me is a nightmare which is why Niall doesn't do it very often along with he doesn't want to deal with the groups of fans when he's out with me on our personal time. With it being horrific to shop with me, I was surprised that my best friend wanted to tag along the day I went looking for a certain outfit. We walked in and out of stores looking for something for me to wear for Niall's surprise birthday party that I was throwing, but nothing stood out. A few fans recognized me and asked for pictures which I obliged to. They are all really lovely especially the ones who you know love you with their whole heart and they want to see their favorite celebrity happy. I've gotten loads of comments about how awesome it is for Niall to finally find his dream girl throughout our public dating life. Some fans were horrible and mean just because of jealousy, but they've come around after we hit our one-year anniversary. I wasn't leaving Niall in spite of the nasty remarks and comments.
So Sarah and I walked around the mall, window shopping for anything that stood out. I found a few items, but they either covered my ass and not my breasts or vise versa, and after deciding that would not be appropriate for Niall's family and friends to see that, I nearly lost all hope in finding anything.
"What about here?" Sarah holds her arm out to stop me from walking and to face the front of a lingerie sex shop. I look into the store, and I feel like I have to pay to breathe just to be in there.
"No...." I say unsure of my answer. Maybe one peek might not be so bad? I shake my head, more confident in my answer. "No thanks, I'll just order online and hope for the best."
"C'mon at least try one thing on and if you hate it, I'll personally pay for your amazon purchase." Sarah grabs my hand before I can answer and tugs me into the store. The almost blinding white walls of the store seem to give the different lingerie an extra pop of color. I look around, feeling overwhelmed, at all the lacey and leather garments hanging on the walls when my eye catches a light blue pair of panties laying on a table. I begin to walk over to at least look at it to please my friend. I pick up the see through undergarment when I hear a chipper voice startle me.
