Season's Change Winter's Plight Book 1

33 Change

The next couple of days found them eating and training again as if nothing had ever happened. They worked mostly with blades, but on occasion, she would demand that they did not. She was happy to train, to work with her Stupid Human and to fall into the rhythm that was uniquely theirs. It was a relief not to think about the horrors she had experience at the hands of a brigand. She was also relieved to be able to let go of some of the anger and fear that she didn't know she was carrying around inside her. She had so much hate built up in her, so much anger and frustration. Too much hatred for humans, men in particular still pulsed through her. She was not able to completely set that aside. She was not able to push all of her fears away or to forget the horrors and pain. She would never fully trust a man, but she was able to make a complete exception for her Stupid Human, her Kotas. He was clearly not like the brigand not at all. He was something else, but she was uncertain what that something was. She did not know the words to describe him. He taught her loyalty, hope, faithfulness, honor, friend. He described them, named them as 'kindness' and 'gentle'; two things she previously considered a weakness. 'Compassion' was another word he had given her and yet another thing that she had thought was a weakness, but Avriel showed her that these things were not a weakness at all. They were like any weapon. When properly wielded they were powerful and strong. He wielded them all very well. He was teaching her how to do the same. But these words they had no meaning in her previous life, they had no place in the land from which she came. They were useless and unknown. Still, he taught her them, showed her their meanings tirelessly every day that they lived and breathed together. She felt their friendship, his kind gentleness, his compassion, and his strength. He was still relentless in his own training and just as determined in hers.

She often felt his eyes on her as she moved about and sometimes when she didn't. He'd always looked away when her eyes would drift to him. She discovered that she would do the same things and look away when he caught her watching him. She knew and understood those feelings. She felt a sense that she did not have the words for, but it was very close to the way she felt about the goddess for the life that she had been given. She knew his words for that feeling. The thoughts were heavy on her mind as she sat next to him in the branches of a tree. Spring was fast approaching them. "Kotas?"

He turned slowly toward her. "Kat?"

"Thank you."

His face scrunched and he tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. "For what. It is I that should be thanking you and the Goddess. You saved my life. I have done nothing so much for you?"

It was her turn to look at him incredulously. "Have you not?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh, Kotas. You are a fool."

"I am not. I just don't see what I have done for you that is so great. I will have at least one scar from when I scared you and made you relive the worse moments of your life. I am only alive because the Goddess has willed it and led you to me. Your gentle care saved me, and your prayers revived me when I died. I have done nothing to repay that debt. You took me in, gave me shelter, food, and protection from Winter's brutality. You taught me how to speak your languages and how to fight. My skill with blades will be unmatched when I return home. What exactly have I done for you that you would thank me? I have been nothing but a burden to you and hurt you in the process." He held her eyes with his as he spoke. There was so much conviction in his words, but not enough to make her believe him.

"You are not a burden, Kotas. Not at all." She almost reached for his face.

"Oh really? Let me see. You have had to care for me when I couldn't care for myself. That includes having to clean and feed me like an infant. You have had to hunt for me and keep me fed, clothed when you had the inclination to do so. You repaired my cloak, my armor, you kept me safe and warm and you had to learn my stupid language so we could communicate. You had to teach me and my clumsy self how to not just swing a sword, but to wield it and to make it an extension of myself. You taught me of a Goddess's love and showed me so much patience and kindness and what have I done for you in return?" He paused and looked at her. The intensity in his green eyes left her momentarily dazed and confused. "Nothing," he whispered. "I have done nothing for you but remind you of pain and misery. No! You do not need to thank me for a thing. It is I who needs to do the thanking." He took her face in his hands as he spoke and placed his forehead on hers so their noses touched. It was as close to her as he would allow himself to get.

She sat stunned but listened carefully as he beat himself with his words. "Would you like my blade?" She sat back from him and glared into his eyes. She offered him her dagger across the palm of her hand. When he looked at her without understanding in his eyes she turned and grabbed a fistful of his cloak, pulled him near again and put the blade to his throat. She was so close to him that he could feel her hot breath on his lips, her blade carefully placed on his throat so close that if he swallowed he would have cut himself on its sharp edge. He should have been afraid. He was just startled. "Or would you prefer that I do it for you?" Nose to nose she continued. "You can keep saying and believing these foolish things if you want to, Stupid Human. You can lay down upon your own blade or I can end your life for you. Why? Why Kotas, do you utter such nonsense at me? Yes! I cared for you when you could not." Her teeth were bared and her tone was hotter than her breath. "I cleaned you, fed you, kept you safe and warm. Yes, Kotas, I learned your language, mended you and your things. Do you not think that I wanted to? Do you not think that you are worthy? Is my care not good enough for you?" Her anger flared as she spoke. Provoked by his obvious stupidity she carried on with her harsh words. He meant only to berate himself, but he stirred the pot of self-doubt quite well instead which led to her indignation. The blade moved away from his throat and returned to its sheath as she let him go but stayed in his face. "Am I not good enough for you?" There it was; the hurt under it all. He knew it. He wanted to wash that hurt away from her, he knew he could. He wanted to. But he refrained because she was, in truth too good for him. He was bound by his family's honor and duty. He would not break the promise that was given, even if he had not spoken it himself. He silently resented being bound by a promise his parents had made before he was even born. "I would give you all that I have to give. Not because I feel I must, but because I want to. You," She jabbed his chest not so gently, "You, have taught me more than you will ever understand, Stupid Human, Kotas. You have. I knew how to care for an infant, a child. How to teach it to fight with an empty heart, how to attack and kill without mercy. That I knew. I knew darkness and hate, anger and fear. You have taught me that fighting is more than killing, that you fight with more than your blade. You taught me to fight with my heart, to have mercy when needed. To be patient and kind. You have shown me things that I did not know existed under the light of the moon or the stone of the land. Kotas, Araguah. You have taught me what it means to be good, to feel good, to see the light and not just the darkness. How can you not see what you have given me?" She watched tears form in his beautiful eyes and try to run down his cheeks only to freeze there in the cold. "Kotas," she touched his face. "You taught me what it is to be a friend. That I did not know. Would not know if not for you. You are my friend. Why would I not care for you? Why would I not?" Katana sat in the tree with Avriel by her side, as he always was, and looked at the young human warrior that had changed her way of thinking and her life in ways that only a Goddess could have foreseen, feeling grateful for his constant and steady friendship and said the only words that she knew would reach him. She swallowed hard, held his green eyes with her silver and spoke the most terrifying words she would ever speak to another, the honest words of her heart, "I would die for you."

"And I for you," he answered solemnly, put his hand behind her head and pressed his forehead to hers and clasped her other hand in his and sealed the oath of kinship, friendship, and love.