Love Deprived

Chapter 13

Bluebell's P.O.V.
Oh my flipping God. Every single day I swear I am falling more in love with Griffin, and it scares the absolute shit out of me. But I am actually letting myself feel again.
Before, every time I realized this fact, I got so paranoid. Now, I'm letting myself feel, it's about time. I need to be more open about what I'm feeling and embrace it, not run from it.
It's my new modo; "Don't hide your feelings, embrace them."
Because I am tired of keeping it inside, I'm letting it out. It's about time.
I am finding out new things every day.
I discovered that Griffin loves me more than I ever thought before. Wysteria has been telling me all of the things he does for me and thinks about me as, that she has kept secret.
And it is filling me up, with pure happiness and love, something that I have not felt in a long time, in a relationship.
She said that when we are at lunch, he will place his hands under his chin, and slowing turn his eyes toward me, avoiding his friends gazes. And she said, that then, he will gaze at me for atleast ten seconds, with bright amber, love and passion, gleaming in his eyes. Cheeks rosy from blushing, and trying to hold back a smile. And then, whenever I look over at him, he turns his head the other way, trying to cover it up, but a deep pink blush covers his cheeks, showing the truth.
She says she ships us forever.
'''''''''''''''''
(Flash Forward)
I am so flippin in love with Griffin, it's ridiculous. Who knew feelings could be so rewarding.
Also, I have been spending more time with Wysteria, and have talked even more about Griffin and Kendrick. We're sharing their thoughts about each of us, thank God that we are all connected so we can talk to each other through our minds. And again, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's just another fact of my weird reality. I swear half the time, my life is a friggin book or something. Anyways, Kendrick and Wysteria, and Griffin and I, could not be any more perfect right now, okay... that's a lie. Still, you should see Kendrick and Wysteria lately, OMG.
Kendrick, has literally been watching Wystreria with pink cheeks and bright eyes on the way to his table. When Wysteria looks back at him her cheeks flood red, and the tips of her ears turn a bright shade of pink (whcih he thinks is absolutely adorable; ssshhhh... don't tell Wysteria). Then Kendrcik will flash a bright smile that he only saves for her, even though there are plenty of other girls he could have, which makes them even more dreamy. Wysteria will smile back at him, shining bright, and when their love seems overflowing, Kendrick or Wysteria will look down, love in their features and loud but secret thoughts.
And thats not even the very beginning.
Kendrick gushes hs love for her to me, because he is my soul brother, but I call him my soul bro. He explains to me how whenever she is near he feels her angelic glow, and he obsesses over the fact that Wysteria is the most beautiful being and thing he has ever seen and come into contact with, within the beauty of appearance, and soul. He pours out the details of how their future wedding will be, the dates he will take her on, how he will (eventually) figure out all the spots where she is ticklish, so he can make her laugh whenever she is feeling down. Even their future children's names.
I emotionally explode with joy for Kendrick and Wysteria's future every time, but yet I still say. "Dude, you have to talk to her in reality first."
Then I think, what about Griffin and I?
Well, the answer would be, I have high hopes. Yet, just because I am letting myself feel the full effects of love, does not mean I don't worry. I am prone to worrying.
I constantly soak in the information Wysteria gives me like a sponge, feeding off of it as if my life depends on it, craving more. Because, I absolutely love thinking about the future that Griffin and I will most-likely be able to one day hold, and hearing about the one I love in general.
Just the thought of gazing into his beautiful, bright, chocolate-amber-green eyes, makes my heart melt and race a marathon of love every second.
Also the fact of just how observant an oblivious he is. Just an example of this is;
Today when I was gazing over at him during lunch (he looks great in red by the way), Griffin was on his phone, showing his friends something. But, somehow, even though he was facing 90 degrees away from me, he realized that I was looking at him. Griffin suddenly had a closed-lip smile on his face, and his cheeks had turned pink, eyes bright amber, as he looked out of the corner of his eye in my direction.
As you can guess, I quickly turned away and turned my head to the ground, cheeks burning.
But, the other fact, is not one to be proud of, even though I have not realized worse.
If in any way you can recall Xavier, he is the main cause of this problem.
This is the guy that I had supposedly "liked" back in fifth grade, but never had any serious feelings for. I mean, it was a new school, it's natural to like "the most populat guy in school," because then you get into the swing of things, then get over it. Still, fifth grade, four flippin years ago.
Remember my prediction back in May and April that he had liked me? It was proved correct this year, and Griffin had absolutely no idea that one of his closest friends was crushing on his soul mate, poor Griffin. It was definetly a hard curveball to have thrown at you, yet I have been waiting for this grenade to explode for quite some time now. But, when I told Griffin earlier, he simply couldn't believe it, so he didn't.
The simple fact of Xavier liking me, actually angers and disgusts me to the core. Xavier just had to decide to like me when he knew one of his closest friends exploited that he is in love with me, and Xavier was even the one to ask and confirm that I love Griffin back in 7th grade. I mean, I know that love follows it's own path, but why did it have to lead to me, when I feel in no way the same as Xavier does about me.
I just also feel bad for Griffin, even though I dispise sympathy. Because he missed all of the signs; the most popular guy in school not having a girlfriend for over a year, him staring at me as I walk by, his friends smirking at me as if they knew a secret when they walked past me. Disgusting.
This fact is also revolting because Xavier's best friend Criston is also friends with Griffin, and ever since this despute, their whole "flock" as I call them, has split sides of who likes me. Again, fricking weird, and how ironic? The one boy I pretty much despized the most in the school, had to like me. Ugh.
Okay, back to the situation, Criston obviosly took Xavier's side, and has been following him around like a frickin duck, but now is leading him around. God I hope he can get Xavier out of whatever this haze is. Because I can't stand to hurt anyone, because I simply did nothing, I just have existed as myself. Yet, Crsiton blames me for everything, and practically hates me for it.
Example A) When ever he notices me in the halls he has an immediate scowl even when he was just smiling.
Example B) I was walking to Wysteria's locker this morning and as soon as noticed me, his mouth formed the scowl, and his brown eyes grew dark, and he started punching his binder while staring blankly ahead out of white anger. and I'm guessing the binder was supposed to be me *gulp.*
And, may I remind you, I DID NOTHING.
None of this is my fault.
Don't get me wrong, I do not hate Criston back, nor am I afraid of him. I actually do admire how he is sticlking up for his best friend, and not intentionally hurting me, even if it is for Griffin and Xavier's own good. That takes courage, I would know.
It must be difficult for him, to have your two best friiends in a fight over some girl (yes I know that I am "some girl," but I respect that friendships should come before realtionships in this case). Even though the right side is obvious, he can't just tell Xaiver to stop liking me, or say the same fro Griffin. I know that is not how the world works.
I just wish he was on the right side of this, because he is a good person, and is very trustworthy. The reason why I care about him in this equation is:
Criston is the only one who can get Xavier out of liking me, and back to his normal self.
Because at this rate, the conflict is already destructing everything in it's path, including Griffin, and I want it to be over and done as soon as possible, even though I have no idea when soon will be.
All I know is that I don't want to be held responsible for a heartbreak I had no say in, and I can't stand to see Griffin depressed anymore.
This needs to end.