~Letters~

From Hazel to the Stars

Dear Stars,

Let's start by saying that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all your fault.

Maybe we could have done something to stop this from becoming the way it is: me without my metaphor, my inspiration, my whole.

I wonder why life's always so unfair, but then, I mentally slap myself because I know life's nothing but pain, and we damn know that it demands to be felt.

Okay.

Feels so strange to say this without someone asking me:" Okay?" . But eventually I'll pretend to be fine, just so that my parents don't freak out.

Again, I miss Gus. And I wish I could say Isaac was there for me when Augustus left, but that wouldn't be true, and since you're stars that shine every night there's no point in lying to you, I guess you'd figure it out anyway.

Yeah, Isaac did the only thing I wasn't able to do: going on.

Six months after the funeral he told me that there was no point in crying and being depressed all day long, and that Gus would have disagreed. He said:" Gus loved you, and he loved you so much that he would have told you to start living, because if we have to die someday, at least we could make our own memories. No cancer. No pain".

Guess what? I told him I couldn't and he left.

I've never seen him again since then.

It hurts a little, but not as much as being conscious about the fact that Gus is not here anymore.

Anyway, I've got some little things that are worth living for: now I help families with children who have got cancer, and with my parents, I help them get over the fact that their sons and daughters have a limited amount of days.

I wish I could give them mines, at least they would use them.

My lungs don't feel better, but not worse either. It seems like it all stopped when he died, leaving me here to bear his scar.

Oh you little grenade.

You were a ticking bomb, but you gave me all you could.

You gave me a forever within numbered days.

You gave me something nobody could have ever given me.

You gave me hope.

Forever yours,

Hazel Grace

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