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14; what are friends for

"Hello, I'm looking for a patient named Anya." I greeted the male nurse who was not busy at the moment.

I had a boquet of colorful flowers in my hand because I promised that I would bring her something nice when I visit her. She probably forgot all about me now because I took so long to visit. I've always had something to do so I kept holding it off but this morning she suddenly crossed my mind.

"I'm sorry. Are you her guardian?" The nurse looked weary and sad at the same time. I had my brows furrowed. It couldn't be. She couldn't be dead, right? But I could see from his face the remnant of grief.

"She passed away just a few minutes ago." He said in a blank tone. He sounded detached but I get it. I understand from someone who works in the same field. We aren't expected to show any emotion but offer support to grieving families.

"I'm so sorry." His apology was short and simple.

"I'm not her relative but I know her. Can I see her?" I asked him and he looked hesitant. "I know it's hospital policy that only immediate relatives are allowed to see the deceased but please. I'm a doctor. I know her."

"Alright, but we need to keep it short. She'll be taken by people from the morgue soon." He nodded once and asked me to follow him to where her room was. My knees felt weak all of a sudden as I walked the short distance from the nurse's station.

"It's okay. You can leave me. I will not be long." I gave him my word and he trusted me. He walked away, looking back once at me as I entered the room.

Death is inevitable and it is part of life. I know but I felt terrible, seeing her covered inside a white body bag. A familiar scene for me. I've seen it a hundred times but my heart feels so heavy right now. I reached my hand towards the bag and slowly zipped it down until I could see her pale, gray face. She looked like she's just sleeping. I hope she wasn't in any pain at the moment of her death.

"I'm sorry. I came too late, Anya." I spoke softly as if I might wake her from eternal sleep. "I hope you're in a good place now."

I said my goodbye and gently placed the bouquet of flowers beside her.

☎️

I walked up the flight of stairs towards the rooftop. I need fresh air. My chest feels so tight. It was so unexpected but when was Death ever expected? Young or old, we all come to face death at one point in our life. And there are people like me who watch by the sidelines. People like me who remember their last minutes and seconds of their life. I was trying to find meaning in my life but, instead, I find myself stuck in a crossroad. Not moving forward. I'm perfectly still.

I was hoping to be alone but I found someone else on the rooftop. "I thought I could finally be alone."

He glanced behind his back, a cigarette stuck between his fingers, "Sorry, I was here first. Are you okay? You look pale."

"Just feeling a little under the weather today." I told Jimin with a small smile. "And you?"

"Don't even ask." He throws the burnt out cigarette into the bin and walks back to sit beside me on the bench. "Today has been shit for me."

"You can say that again." I propped my hands behind me and tried to relax. "Why are you here alone? Didn't you make up with Nanhee?"

Jimin smiled, "I did, but she can't get over family. She's so scared of them. I don't know how else I could make her feel better. I'm the one who put her in a tough situation."