My Biggest Fear

Chapter 12

If you know better, do better.

Erick's P.O.V

I pushed my way through the crowd of students, went to the parking lot, got in my car and drove off. I had no idea where I was going but I knew that I wanted to be far away from school but some how I couldn't stay away from her......Maria. She wants me to and I know I should but I can't.

I just can't.

Every time I looked in her eyes I could tell she was hiding something. I could see the darkness and fear behind those beautiful eyes. I could tell that she had been through things but she tries to hide her pain, it is quite visible in my eyes though.

I just want to know, I just want her to trust me, I just want her to know that I'm here if she needs me.

I just want to be her friend.

After what happened today, I know she doesn't want to see me again but I  guess that's all my fault. I did cross the line a little but I figured that the closer I was to her the more I could get to know her.

Today's scene proves that everything is over. She's never going to like me and she will never want to talk to me ever again.

It's the first in a long while since my mom died, I've cared for someone and I promised myself not to get attached to people because when you do they end up leaving you and that can destroy you for life.

There was something bothering me though. What was she talking about when she said I was following her last night?

She said I texted her..I admit that I have her number but I never once texted her since I know she would eventually block me and think I was stalking her.

It wasn't me and I have not the slightest clue as to what she was talking about.

I need to get this off of my mind.

I don't know how long I've been driving for but it started getting dark. I needed a small drink, I need to drink and forget.

I didn't plan on going out tonight, but I really need to get her off my mind I know exactly what I have to do. I need a distraction because I don't want to be alone tonight.

I know I wasn't supposed to drink but it would only be for tonight.

The club isn't the best place so the bar is where I go.

As I stepped in the smell of alcohol fill the room and music blasted from the speakers.

There were a few girls dancing and I think this could be my night.

I went to where the bartender was and order a drink. She eyed me like a God. I get it a lot though so I'm used to it.

I just sat there and I drank and drank until I started counting the glasses.

"Hey there handsome, ya having a good time?". I turned my head to the unfamiliar voice.

She was a red head and had curves all over. She gave me a wicked smile and I know I couldn't help myself.

"If having fun is what you call it then yeah. You want a drink?". I asked her.

"Yeah buy me a drink and then we'll dance". She flashed me a smile before ordering a Scotch.

We danced for what felt like forever. I felt alive tonight and I know by now that the alcohol is working its way inside me.

I was dancing with a stranger.

I dragged her across the dancefloor and pinned her against the wall. I didn't wait another second I just pressed my lips against hers. She parted her lips and that was my cue. I deepened the kiss. It wasn't a quite gentle, it was rough.

It had no feelings but it was to get rid of the memory that kept on playing in my head.

Why am I always thinking of this girl that hates me?.

I pulled away and searched her eyes. They weren't the eyes of Maria's. I was starting to wonder.....

Do I like Maria or do I just want to be her friend?

It was hard being there with a girl that I didn't know the name of and worse I was just kissing her seconds ago.

She looked at me confused and I could tell she was thinking what I was. I couldn't use a girl just to get over my problems, it wasn't right and my mom thought me well.

I guess I always have a thing for running away.

So I guess you know what I did.

I ran away from there. I was in a drunken state but I still manage to stager to my car.

I was never like this.

I got in the car and tried to find my way home.

My eyes were getting so blurry and I could barely see the road.

At one point my eyes closed and I snapped them back open to see a car coming in my direction. It hit me with so much force that I could feel the pain immediately then I felt like my body turn over. I couldn't move. I felt broken.

The car hit my and it felt like I was crushed and I could feel my body jerk.

I could feel the blood running from the cuts I have now and my bloody nose.

I could hear voices, I could hear the sounds of cars.

I never imagined dying so young but I guess my father in heaven was ready for me and I couldn't protest that I wasn't ready. I had to go.

This is what death feels like. I can't explain the feeling though.

At least when I die, I would see my mom.

The voices of people shouting was deafening.

I would pass out any minute now.

"Somebody call the ambulance he looks like he's gonna die. Help!!".

"He's still alive".

"He's breathing so that's good, come and help us get him out before the car explodes".  This was the last thing I heard before the sound of the ambulance then everything turned black.