My Biggest Fear

Chapter 25

Maria's P.O.V

I drove as the wind blew across my face. I want to be like the wind, I want to be strong and so free.

I hope when I die they throw my hashes in the wind where I'll be free and I can face anything, even death.

I hope today goes well, I don't want to keep hiding, I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I want to be fearless.

I parked in my usual space and grabbed my bag from the back of the car and walked through the halls of the school.

I haven't been here in a week and I must say that nothing has changed. It's the same, from the students to the teachers to the whole environment.

"Mariiaa!!". I heard someone shouting from behind me and I turned around to look who it was.

"Nice to have you back bestie". I was greeted with a bright smile from Shantae.

"Yah bestie, one week of being sick was a disaster. I'll come to this place just to get away from my problems, I needed the air". I laughed and she did the same.

"So you and Eri-. I cut her off because she had smirk playing on her lips.

"No he's just a friend, you know I don't do relationships and I hate boys. Expect my our friends and my brother". I assured her.

"Thanks for informing me but I was gonna ask if you and Erick are finished with the English project". She said with her eyebrows shouted up.

"Uh oh no we aren't, we kinda just started the other day when he came to my house". I told her.

"Wow so lover boy is coming to your house now". She teased as her smirk returned.

"Shantae stop, it was just school work and dinner...but with Akeem and then he left no big deal". I reassured her.

"You think it isn't a big deal but don't you see the way he looks at you, I think he's totally into you". She said as he smiled brighten with excitement.

"He doesn't like me so just quit it". I said but it came out more like a cry for help from Shantae because I know she won't rest this topic.

"Fine, I will but we'll talk about it if it comes up". She said with a wink but I just rolled my eyes.

"So which topic did you guys choose?". She asked as we walked down the hall.

"Well, he wanted to do sexual abuse so I just accepted it". I said bluntly.

"Oh my baby, you sure you want to do this". She asked and I could see the emotions in her eyes.

"I mean, since everyone is pushing me to talk about what happened to me I guess there's no point in rejecting his idea". I said calmly.

"Maria no one is pressuring you, if you don't want to talk about it it's fine, we've been through this before sis. I mean it's okay not to be okay but whenever you're ready to take the next step I'm here for you, we're all here. If you don't want to work on that topic then don't, explain to him why you can't I'm sure he'll understand". Shantae said as she gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

"That's the problem Tae, I can't tell him, I just can't. I want to because we're all friends and our first rule is that we never keep secrets. I see the way he does things, I see the way he expands the ideas when we're planning on the project and I don't want to disappoint him. I guess this is the next step I take. I guess this is where I start, I start talking about things, I start letting out my emotions". I smiled at her warmly.

"Yeah, then go for it and don't let anyone stop you. You're not the worse person, no human is perfect and you sure as hell didn't cause all this on your self so stop worry Maria and stop taking things so hard. I got you". She said as she hugged me and I couldn't feel anymore peaceful.

"Thanks Shantae, I really appreciate this, I really appreciate you". I said.

"That's what friends are for". She said as we both made our way to first period.

×°

I sat in my seat with my head on the desk as I listened to what my teacher was saying when suddenly the door opened and there came in an ugly...Erick.

For a minute I thought that he wasn't going to come but here he was at the doorway looking so pale..and sleepy.

"You're late Mr. Carter so hurry and get to your seat". Our teacher said but Erick didn't even bother to answer, he just made his way to his normal seat, beside me.

"Hey, you good?". I asked him as he took his seat.

He didn't even answer, he just nod.

For the rest of the class, I watched how tense, how sad, how uneasy he was and I couldn't help but wonder what was the problem.

Probably he had a girlfriend and they broke up, I mean I'm just saying.

Probably his dog died, if he has a dog.

Probably he watched a movie last night that didn't make him sleep.

I hope he's okay.

Lunch period came around really fast and all I can think about right now is food.

"Uggghh I'm so tired, so tired of school". Jayden said as he approached us.

"We all are brother, we all are". Kayann sighed.

"Hey Erick, you okay man you look a little pale". Jabarie said and we all turned our attention to Erick who was just stabbing the salad with the plastic fork.

He didn't answer he just kept on doing what he was doing.

"Erick". I called out to him but he just sat there staring.

"What the hell man". Jayden said as he touched him.

"I'm fine!!". Erick shouted and we all looked at him surprised.

"What's wrong with you?". I asked.

"Do I look like something's wrong with me?". He asked and I could see anger building in his eyes.

"Why the hell are you behaving this way?". I asked as I shouted back at him.

"Leave me alone and get out of my way, I don't need anyone's help. I said I'm fine so leave me alone.. Please". He said as he got up and left the table.

I was about to go after him but hands kept me back.

"Mek the boy gwan, him nuh wah talk to nobody." Crystal said. (Let the boy go, he doesn't want to talk to anyone).

"You guys know what happened the last time he took off". I told them hoping they haven't forgotten.

"Yeah Maria, we all go through shit and sometimes we need to handle it alone, I trust that he won't do anything stupid so just let him go, give him some time". Jabarie requested and they all nodded in agreement so I just sat back down and watched as Erick bent the corner.

I hope he doesn't do anything stupid, I hope he'll be okay.