Sunshiny Things (Original)

Ch. 5 Sugar!

Freya

I lay flat on my back, laying down on the fuzzy grey carpet displayed on my floor. I gaze up, looking at the ceiling as the glow in the dark stars shine creating an illusion of the night sky, kind of. The stars at night aren't as vibrant in New York as they are most other places. Due to all the buildings and high light pollution. But that doesn't stop me from trying to capture the amazement of them. Even if I'm just looking at a bunch of stickers stuck up on the ceiling of my bedroom. 

    I reach for my head phones in my pocket of my pajama pants and pull then out. I plug them in one at a time into either one of my ears and turn on my music. Ever since my parents died I've been playing music non stop. Yes, I still loved to listen to music before. But now, it's very rare to find me not listening to anything. It's like my wanting to listen to music heighten and that's all I do now. Kind of like what happened with me and dancing. I let them consume me. I feel like if I'm always dancing or constantly have something blasting in my ears it would be some sort of distraction from reality. Some sort of way to stop me from thinking about them, about what happened.

    I turn the music up almost all the way, drowning out the city noise and police sirens bellow. The music beats in my ears as I focus intently on the stars above. I turn the music up even more, as I feel the memories starting to slowly creep their way back into my head. I need them to go away. Why wont they go away. I feel my eyes burn and a watery liquid fills them up like a running faucet that can't be turned off. My music is now turned up on full blast, causing my head to pound from the music and chaos running through my mind. My breathing starts to become ragged, but I don't notice until I'm gripping onto the fluff of my carpet beneath me, making me think that if I let go i'll shatter into a million pieces. A million pieces that only my parents can fix. But not anymore, because they're gone.

    Sobs escape from my mouth, but now more viciously then before. I can't control them, just like I cant control my mind from replaying the accident over and over again. I need them to go away. Why wont they go away? I need my parents. Where are they? Im screaming out their names, wanting just one last time to see them. I need them!

    "Freya, Freya stop!" I hear a muffled voice yell out to me. My body gets yanked up from the floor and set up right. I feel my ear puds get plucked out of my ears, causing me to be able to hear clearly. A pair of cold hands cup the sides of my face, sticking to my cheeks due to the tears that stain them. I blink my eyes brutally trying to clear them of tears to see who is comforting me. Finally my eyes clear and settle on Becca bending down in front me with a look of worry. 

    "Be--Becca," I stutter out of breath. I pant as I try to regain air and consciousness.

    "Yes, yes it's me, Becca," she says in her most soothing voice. "I'm right here." She studies my eyes and I study her as I finally make ends meet and realize what's going on.

    "Did--Did it happen again," I finally ask as I sniffle a little bit. Becca slowly nods her head and my heart sinks a little. I grip onto the sleeves of my shirt to try and stop my hands from shaking.

    I've had panic attacks like this ever since I was four. But over the years, they've grown worst and worst. Different things used to trigger them. But now they usually get triggered by the mention of the accident or anything from that night.

    "I'm sorry," I pathetically say to Becca. Becca frowns and shakes her head.

    "You have nothing to be sorry for you, weirdo," she adds in trying to lighten the mood. I give her a smile and wipe my eyes with my sleeves.

    I always feel like a burden to Becca every single time something like this happens. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.

    "Was it the accident again?" Becca asks me. I avoid eye contact with her and inhale a deep, shaky breath.