Sunshiny Things (Original)

Ch. 16 Hey, You

Cole

I look at my hand in horror and disgust. She's crying. She's crying because of me. Because I inflicted physical pain upon her. I look at her red, hand marked arm, and then back at the culprit of the act. My hand. How the hell could I do something like that? I lost it...I lost control. I lost control and took it out on her. I lost control just like my dad. I feel acid bile rise up in the back of my throat at the thought of me being anything like that vile man. But it was true, and it terrified me. I was everything that he's always said to me. I was everything that people have always told me I was. I was a monster.

~

Freya

"I hope all of you have done some thinking about your upcoming report over the weekend," Miss. Woods announces to the class. "Now remember, it's not due until the Monday after Halloween. So don't rush those pretty little brains of yours because you have time." I hear a few little giggles from a couple of students around the class to Mrs. Woods's brain comment.    

    Becca came home late last night and of course she was drunk. She stumbled over to her bed and I changed her into her pajamas and put her to sleep before I tried to go to bed myself. Which sadly, there was no luck. No matter how many positions I switched to in my bed, or how many sheep I counted, I couldn't sleep a wink. Everything I felt was just weighing on me from the last couple of days and I couldn't seem to shake it. And especially what happened with Cole before then. Everything just seemed to be way to heavy to bear. Like always.

    Miss. Woods continues to talk and I start to slowly zone out like I always do. The blue polish on my finger nails has almost entirely diminished by now due to me picking at them constantly. I totally forgot about the report that Miss. Woods assigned us over the topic "Sunshiny Things". Her words haunt me, I think this assignment might actually be really good for you. But Everything that's been going on lately has had me distracted. And I don't just mean the past couple of days, I mean the past year. School hasn't really been a priority of mine. My priority lately has Just been trying to learn how to breathe again.

    Blue flakes cover the top of my desk now and I blow a little breath to get them to scatter off. I look up from my desk and start to take a scan around the room. Becca is absent again, like always. And Kyle and josh are pretending to have a fake silent gun war with their hands, which I roll my eyes at but laugh silently to myself at josh pretending to get hit in the heart by a fake bullet. I look over at the desk that Cole usually sits at, and notice that he's not here today. I know for a fact that there's a hockey game tomorrow because the principal announced it during the announcements this morning. And the schools policy is if you miss school the day before a game or the day of a game, you're not allowed to play. So this is really weird because I know that Cole's the captain of the team. Why isn't he here? More importantly, why do I care?

~

    After another long day at school, 7th period is finally over. I walk of Mr. Brody's chem lab and head straight for my locker to put up my textbooks up so I can go home. Days here are getting more and more exhausting. I still here people's little remarks every time I past them in hallways like: "look, that's the girl," or "I feel so sorry for her". Honestly I just learned to ignore them at this point. But they still pierce my ears and heart every time I hear them.

    I reach my dark blue colored locker and quickly unlock the purple lock to rest my things in. Gently, I place each book in one at a time, right side up, side by side. I let out a long breath as I try to empty the weight on my chest. Hopefully days start to get easier besides harder. I take my headphones out of my jean pocket, and plug them in my ears. Automatically, I click shuffle and the song Use Somebody by Kings of Leon starts playing. I smile to myself, but also feel a little sad. This song is good. It has a lot of emotions behind it, and you can tell. I put my hand on my locker to shut it. But before I do, I look at the inside of the locker door and stop. Displayed is a picture of me and my parents that Becca put there on the first day of school. It's a picture of us when I was only seven. We were having a picnic in Central Park during the summer. The trees were full and so were our smiles. Key word: were. I let out another long breath before slamming my locker door shut, I couldn't look at that picture right now. I didn't want to look at that picture right now. I just wanted to leave. I turn on my heel to head towards the exit, but I jump in surprise when I see Dace leaning right beside my locker with his bright usual smile on his face.