Let's Dance #2

Similarity

After this long horrible and painful day both just wanted to go to their bed and hide under the blanket. They laid down...Magnus on the left...Alec on the right but there would no one be laying down next to them and both knew that. They turned to their sides and neither could stop to relive all the beautiful moments they shared but they were only abel to relive them in their minds. Alec had to think about the first time he let Magnus inside his room and instead of this constant fear he usually had when someone else entered his room he felt totally relaxed. He would never forget how he poured his heart out about the moment that changed everything and how Magnus hold him after it letting him cry until he fell asleep. This sleep was the first sleep in like forever Alec could really rest and wasn't bothered by any nightmares. Magnus smiled sadly when he remembered the first time Alec stayed over at his place and how they cuddled. He would never forget all the following mornings he got to wake up next to this angel. Magnus would always remember how shyly Alec asked him to shower with him for the first time or how he sometimes woke up in the night to cute little snores by the the stunning man next to him. They got so used to fall asleep in each other arms but now their bed was empty and cold. There were no arms that held them or the calming breathing of someone else and you could just hear their own heavy breathing. The worst about having that panic attack wasn't that Alec had one but it was the realization of knowing he would have to go through them alone now and he knew they would hunt him. The worst about today wasn't Alec telling him straight in the face that he didn't love him but the realization of knowing that there was something Alec lied about and that he didn't trust Magnus. Heartache is like someone is stabbing you but you have no idea where because your whole body is aching and you seak for the comfort of this one person that stabbed you. They pulled their knees up curling together to a small ball before each of them started to cry. They could still smell the scent of each other feeling like they were right next to each other but they were so fare away and the stream of tears made their pillows wet. "I love you..." Scary how both whispered the exact same 3 words into the dark room and cried the same tears but they were desperated. Alec would love to just get up and go to Magnus telling him everything but he didn't want to ruin Magnus life too. Magnus whole body was screaming for him to get up and talk with Alec but he promised to respect Alecs decision. So both had no other choice than crying theirslef to sleep hoping that tomorrow would be better and hoping that tomorrow wouldn't hurt as much as today. If you think more about it neither of them broke this one special promise yet because even after they broke up they shared the pain and still loved each other. Alec woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air and his cloths were all wet because he was sweating.  Alecs breath was heavily and he closed his eyes trying to focus on reality because this dream was horrible. He didn't have nightmares anymore but now they were back and he knew they would be worse than ever before. William would visit him whispering in his ears all the terrible things Magnus erased and Alec bit his lips trying to stop them from quivering. Where should he go if he didn't even feel save in his own mind anymore? "Just go...please just...just leave me...I did what you want...you won...I gave up...YOU HEAR ME! I GAVE UP! YOU WON." Alec shouted out while tears ran down his face and he heard how the door to his room opened. "Alec? What's going on?" Alec startled when he heard the voice echoing in his room and suddenly the old feeling was back. The feeling of not feeling comfortable or save around this person was back and his heart started to beat faster. "Alec...it's just me...Jace." Jace saw that his older brother paniced and he was worried after Robert told him what happened today. Neither of the Lightwood siblings could belive the news of the break up and Jace was scared to the bones what consequences this would carry. "Get out..." Alecs voice was barely a whisper and he couldn't even look at his brother because he was worried. He was worried to let him see how broken he was and how much pain he was in. "Alec...it's alright...we..." "I said get out!" Alec raised his voice which made Jace flinch back because he wasn't ready for such an outburst and he sighed. "We don't know what happened but I don't believe that you don't love Magnus. Whatever it is...we are all here for you." Jace answered with a sad face before he walked out of the room even he wanted nothing more than comfort his brother and a quiet sob left Alecs lips. "I don't deserve any of you..." He sobbed in his knees not even thinking about getting back to sleep. This pain broke him and he had no idea how much long he could stand this...//tbc