Only Fools|| Boyxboy

Only a first

for the first time in nearly a month, beau didn't wake up in ellis's arms. in fact, he found himself in his own bed for once.

he woke with a massive headache and the taste of rotten liquor still on his lips. he reached for his phone to call ellis before reality crashed around him.

he gasped in horror as the memories from last night plagued his mind. what the fuck had he done? he had to fix things with ellis.

he sought ellis' contact name and put the phone to his ear, the ringing hurting his head even more.

ellis did not pick up and beau cursed loudly as he pulled the phone from his ear. he grabbed a fistful of his hair as panic courses through his veins.

suddenly his phone vibrated and beau's heart jumped at the sight of ellis calling him back. He hurriedly picked up the phone and immediately began to talk.

"baby, listen- i'm so fucking sorry for last night i-"

ellis abruptly interrupted him. "we need to talk." beau gulped at the detached coldness in his boyfriends voice. "er, um, okay. let's talk." he responded nervously. ellis wasn't breaking up with him, was he? he couldn't!

"no, we need to talk in person. meet me at the soccer field."

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ellis was sitting on the metal bleachers, looking across the brightly lit field. he turned to look up at beau with a sorrowful smile.

"this is where we first met." he mentioned lightly as beau took a seat beside him.

beau chuckled. "yeah, it was actually my first varsity game. i hated you immediately."

ellis shook his head. "i can't say the same for myself. from the moment we met, i'd always had feelings for you." they sat in silence as they overlooked the field, memories racing through their mind.

"remember when we fucked in the center of the field just so you could say you'd done it on school property?" beau joked. ellis chuckled a bit. "yeah, went home and crossed it off my bucket list. i've crossed a lot off since i met you. i don't regret any of it."

beau sighed. "i know why we're here. and, i'm not going to try to change your mind. i'm sorry that i don't deserve you. i'm sorry that i didn't treat you like you deserve. and i'm sorry i can't change for you, but i'm not ready to come out. if i come out, i'll lose everything."

ellis shook his head angrily. "i wish i was enough for you. sometimes i wish i'd never met you because you hurt me so damn bad. every time i'm with you i feel like i'm nothing. i hate having to hide, but every time i'm away from you i feel nothing- it's like i'm empty. but i'd rather feel empty than have to hide that i'm completely in love with you."

beau felt tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. "you've never said that before." ellis laughed dryly. "i know, and what a terrible time to say it now. we both know that this is ending, but i couldn't walk away without telling you how I really felt."

beau looked up hopefully. "maybe we could still make this work. i mean, you said you love me. couldn't we wait a few more months— just til college and then i'll come out."

ellis shook his head sadly as he looked away from beau. "no beau. i can't wait anymore. I want to be with someone who wants to go on dates and kiss me in public and who can fucking follow me on instagram without feeling paranoid that people will find out about us."

beau huffed. "you can have all that with me if you just wait. why can't you fucking wait!"

"because i've waited long enough. because i can't wait any longer. because i don't want to see my boyfriend kiss some bitch in public just to show that he couldn't fathom being with a faggot like me. you know how much last night hurt me, beau? to see the boy i love do that to me? and you had the audacity to be mad that me an austin have nicknames for each other? news fucking flash, we're friends."

"and you didn't care that i didn't like you as friends. he's probably the reason you're breaking up with me. i saw you get in the car together last night. he's the one who probably told you to break us up." beau said angrily.

ellis stood up. "no, you're the reason we're breaking up, dipshit. don't blame this on anyone but yourself. you don't want to come out? fine. but suffer the consequences alone because i'm not fucking doing it anymore. you're right, i deserve better. i thought that was you, but i guess i was fucking wrong. you said it yourself, i'm just an experiment. well, i'm tired of that. have a nice life, beau taylor."

with that, he shouldered past beau and headed for the parking lot to get into his car.

beau watched him leave, and as soon as he was out of sight, beau broke down in a sob. he couldn't help but feel that he made the biggest mistake of his life. why did his heart feel so empty?

Another update because y'all are such loyal readers. I had a lot more readers, but I guess they all left. I suppose I deserve that for going awol. But I was really working my ass off at school. I somehow managed to keep a 4.0 in my college classes. Idk how I did it, but I had no time to free write because I had massive papers due every week that took up my time. Anyway, thanks to those that did stay. Let's get a roll call. If you've been here or are here now let me know! What do you think of the story so far? Y'all knew this was coming, I've been hinting at it for a while. Don't fret! The story isn't over. I've got a bit more up my sleeve! I had a set ending in mind, but now I'm considering others. DM me if you have a suggestion/ request for how you want the story to end. Or just DM for fun. I love to talk.
Another update in a bit! Love you!