THE SURROGATE: A LUKE BROOKS FAN FICTION

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I sat on my bed, looking at my phone in complete and utter shock! I had never seen, or in this case, heard, Darcy so angry before. In all our years of being friends, she was never this mad! I know I should be upset with her for the way that she was yelling at me, but I knew that I couldn't possibly be upset because she is absolutely right! I have been avoiding this whole Luke situation long enough. As badly as I wanted to speak to Luke and hear his voice, I just wasn't ready to face it yet. I was way too comfortable with being a coward at the moment; bravery took too much effort. 

"Put on your Nike, and Just Do It Bella!" I told myself as I went through my contact list, looking for Luke's number, "I mean, what's the worst thing he can say?" I asked myself as I had my thumb hovering over the 'call' button. Yeah, the worst he could say is that he never wants to speak to you again, and that he's moved on. You're old news... but of course, that's nothing bad, said the bitch inside my head, making me think twice. "Oh fuck it! Jesus take the wheel!" I said as I pressed the dial button and put my phone to my ear with my eyes shut tight. I sat down on the head, listening to the phone ring; my heart beating faster with each ring. Every few seconds I had to fight the almost overwhelming urge to hang up. A part of me was hoping that he wouldn't answer his phone, but then the other part was hoping and praying that he would. Beside the fact that I wanted to make sure that he was okay, I just really wanted to hear his voice and I wanted the chance to say goodbye properly.

"Hello? Bella!?" He answered his phone. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words got stuck in my throat! "Bella? Please say something?" he urged, but still, I couldn't form words! "Okay, so clearly you don't want to speak to me, so I'll just-" "No! Wait! Luke! Don't hang up!"I said quickly, and I could hear him breathing with relief. "Thank God! I didn't want to hang up! How are you?" he asked me rather awkwardly. "I'm good" I answered just as awkwardly. "So, I tried to call you a few times, but you haven't returned any of them, so I kinda figured you just didn't want anything to do with me anymore" he said, and I swear I could hear the sadness in his voice. "That's actually why I'm calling you..." I said, my heart doing jumping jacks, "Look, I'm really sorry for not returning any of your calls, I just-" "Wait, before you go on, I just want to apologize for being such a dickhead that night!" he interrupted me, and for reasons unknown to me, my heart just sank. 

"No, Luke, its-" I started speaking as I closed my eyes once again, but he interrupted me again, "Wait, just let me get this out..." he started speaking, and I don't know if it was my imagination, but it sounded like he was, or had been crying! "I'm sorry for being such a dickhead, and for not giving you a chance to explain yourself... I know lately I haven't been the friend to you that I should be and I am so sorry for not saying goodbye to you!" as he finished speaking, I could feel my heart sinking deeper. I had no idea that he blamed himself for everything that happened; and he shouldn't be blaming himself at all; I didn't want him to blame himself! I hated that he was being so hard on himself. "Luke, listen," I said, swallowing hard because I could feel a lump in my throat forming, "Listen to me, I don't want you to blame yourself for anything that happened! Although your reaction did surprise me greatly, it was... I was..." I couldn't find the words to come out. What the hell was happening? "See? You can't even think of a reason for me not to blame myself! Just face facts, I'm the reason we aren't speaking, and I'm the reason you're never coming back again!" now it was unmistakable, he was in fact crying! "NO! DON'T FUCKING BLAME YOURSELF!" I said, now also crying, "Look okay, it's my fault! I should have told you about it as soon as it happened, but I didn't! And I was being really childish by trying to ignore you, but the thing is... I was just really pissed off, and I know that isn't an excuse, and I just, I want to say I'm so fucking sorry! Especially now that you blame yourself for everything!" I admitted to him. "It doesn't matter, we can blame who we want, that doesn't take away from the fact that you..." and he paused, breathing in and out, before saying "That you're never coming back!" "Where do you get the idea that I'm not coming back?" I asked him through tears, though sounding shocked at the same time. "Darcy, she- she said that you might not be coming back!" he said on the other line, blowing his nose. "Okay that's gross, but I'm used to it!" I said, as he blew his nose before getting serious, "But she misunderstood me! I am coming back! Definitely! I could never leave you guys behind! I lov- I mean, I'd miss you guys too much!" I said quickly; that was a close one! You almost told him you loved him! I heard the voice in my head saying. "Wait, so you are coming back!?" he asked, and I could hear the excitement in his voice. 

"Yes! Of course I'm coming back! The thing is... I have no idea when" I said, sitting on the edge of my bed, and looking at the floor as I tugged a piece of hair behind my ear. "Oh..." he said, sounding very disappointed; and there was a long, kind of awkward silence. Do it! The voice in my head whispered, Tell him now! The voice in head urged me, and my heart started racing, faster than usual and faster than it had in the last few minutes. Tell him that you love him! You might never get this chance again! She was right! As much as I hate to admit it, the voice in my head was right! Just as I was about to speak, Luke spoke first, "Bella?" "Yes Luke?" I asked, my heart beating faster than the speed of light. He paused a bit, hesitating even, until he said, "I love you!" and my heart just stopped beating all together. Before I could answer, he hung up. Just as well, because I doubt I would find the words.

I stood there, with my hand clenched on my heart and my mouth wide open. I couldn't move... Luke just told me he loved me! Oh my God! I mean, he could have meant it in a completely platonic way, but he fucking said he loved me! Nothing could ruin my happiness now! Once my heart rate returned to normal, sort of, I just jumped up and down on my bed, singing "I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!" LUKE BROOKS JUST TOLD ME HE LOVED ME... I don't think I had ever been this happy in my life! I was now more excited than ever to get back home.