THE SURROGATE: A LUKE BROOKS FAN FICTION

CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN

CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN
*BELLA'S P.O.V*
*4 MONTHS LATER*
I was back in my old apartment, looking at my appearance in the body length mirror, making sure that I looked perfect for my date with Luke. Looking at myself, I had to admit that I did a pretty good job of pulling myself together -without the help of Dacy, so this was an accomplishment for me-. I decided on wearing my favorite white dress which provided the ultimate cleavage, was tight around my waist and was mid-thigh. Stepping completely out of my comfort zone, I wore my black heels which had diamond sequence around the thick straps and diamond sequence around the heel itself. I had my hair half up, half down and curled and was in the middle of putting on my infinity chain, when I heard a buzzing from my phone. "all right! All right!" I said to my phone as the buzzing persisted. I walked over to the table and checked my messages. As expected, it was from Luke. "I'll be there in 10, 15 minutes!" Was the first message, "are you ready!?" Was the second message. And then he proceeded to send me "???????????????????????" Messages repeatedly until I eventually replied -it was a habit he got into a while back-. "Keep your panties on! Yes I'm ready!" I replied and put my phone down. I went to my room and got my black coat, before checking my appearance one more time before walking back into the living room. I sat down on the couch, anxiously awaiting Luke's arrival. I felt my heart beating faster as I thought more and more about tonight. Why was I anxious ? Because tonight was going to be the first time that Luke and I became intimate! He's been so patient with me and he's been helping me through the pain of... Anyway, I'm more than ready to give myself to him completely. What made me even more anxious was the fact that he didn't know about my plans for us, so not knowing how he'd react made me all the more nervous. 'Okay Bella, think about something else before you drive yourself vrazy?!' I thought to myself. So I laid back on the couch and looked around the living room. I honestly never thought I'd be back here again; if it were up to Luke, I probably wouldnt have either. He asked me to live with them, but it was still early in our relationship and Darcy was already living there, so I couldn't invade. And in any case, I was still dealing with the trauma of losing... I admit that the way I dealt with it wasn't the best for me... Or my health. Long story short, I turned to alcohol and eventually became a full on alcoholic. I've actually learned to control it quite a bit -obviously with the help of Luke, Darcy and the Janoskians- so I've managed to stay alcohol free for nearly a month now. I thought I was pretty safe in my apartment now; I've canged the locks, they don't let anyone come into the complex unless authorised by security, I've replaced everything that was ruined and I haven't heard anything from or about Nicholas, so I was safe. I was snapped out of my thoughts, when I heard my phone buzz again. Thinking it was Luke, I looked at my phone with a smile and opened the text which had a picture attached to it. I looked at the picture before reading the text, and my smile dropped before my heart stopped beating all together. What I was looking at, was a picture of a smiling Jacob, lying on a bed, looking up at the camera. He looked so happy, and I couldn't help but notice that he had hazel eyes. I felt an overwhelming sadness come over me as I forced myself to read the message which read, 'THOUGHT YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS... HE'S GROWING BY THE DAY! WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR WHAT YOU DID FOR US! WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL! FEEL FREE TO VISIT ANYTIME! ALL THE LOVE, THE FREEMANS' I read the message over and over before realizing that I had tears in my eyes. I went out of my messages, and into my contact list. I put my phone to my ear as I heard ringing. I breathed in and out, trying to steady my breathing and make my voice sound as normal as possible as I waited for him to answer. "Hey Bella! I'm almost there" said Luke. I took one last deep breath before saying, "uhm, do you think we could cancel tonight ? I'm sudd- suddenly not feeling well" "why? What's wrong? I'm coming over anyway!" He said, and then hung up. I didn't have the strength to argue, so I just threw my phone onto the couch and went to my bedroom where I got undressed; but as i was getting undressed, that picture remained etched in my brain and i couldnt stop thinking about it! I could feel the sting in my eyes as i pulled my T-shirt over my head, and i tried my hardest to hold the tears back. I know they meant well, but this is just forcing me to face feelings that I thought I had long forgotten ! I thought I was over all of this ! I honestly thought that I had gotten pretty far with my process of acceptance! I thought that I would be fine with anything that involved Jacob.. But seeing this picture was the last thing I expected ! Holy shit seeing that picture killed me and took me right back to square one. I sat down on my bed, having an internal battle. 'You cannot do this to yourself again! You just got out of depression ! I will not allow you to go back there!' The voice in my head spoke, and the only thing I could think before getting up, was 'fuck it!' . I walked into the kitchen and rummaged through every cupboard. 'It has to be here somewhere!' I thought as I looked in the cupboard under the sink. I stood in the centre of the kitchen, with my hands on my hips, racking my brain, looking in every direction, until eventually a little voice spoke, 'its in there! That's where you hid it!' It whispered. I walked over to the only cupboard that remained closed, opened it, and sure as the sky is blue, there it was! My emergency bottle of hennesey. It was hidden behind a box of cereal. I took it out of the cupboard and removed a glass from the other cupboard. I didn't even bother to close the cupboards that were still open; all that mattered was that I get this drink in! I slammed the glass on the kitchen counter and opened the Hennesey. I held my nose over the bottle and took a deep whif. Oh how I missed this smell ! I took the glass in my hand and filled it to the brim. I raised the glass, but before it got to my mouth, I stopped. 'You can't do this!' I thought to myself. I thought again, and just downed the shot! It stung, but it still wasn't enough. I filled the glass, and did the same thing. I was about to take my third shot, when I heard keys fumbling in the door. It was Luke. I didn't even have the energy to hide the Hennesey.

When he came in, the shock and disappointment was evident in his face. "Bella!? What the fuck!?" He said stepping into the kitchen, and grabbing the bottle from me. I didn't say anything. "What the actual fuck !? Why- what- wha-" he couldn't even formulate proper sentences. I stood there, staring at him. We both stood in silence, and I just didn't want to be there anymore. I walked out of the kitchen, with Luke following close behind. I went to my room. I laid down on my bed and as Luke came into my room, he was ranting. "Honestly ! I can't fucking believe that you're doing this again !! after what we went through the first fucking time !? How the-" "So you're just going to stand there and yell!?" I said with an attitude, finally pissed off and sitting up. He stopped speaking immediately. "You think I'd just fucking start drinking again for no reason!?" I spoke in the same voice, "do you think I fucking wanted to take that drink!? And for your information, it was two glasses I had! The fuck do you think you are coming here and accusing me of shit!?" I spoke and I just lost it. "You don't even fucking bother to ask what's wrong ... You just come in here yelling and not even giving me a chance to fucking explain" I looked at him, and he still had nothing to say, "you don't even give a fuck about the fact that I've been having pretty much the worst fucking day and-" "oh yeah you expect me to just fucking smell whenever you're having a shitty day right!?" He retorted, but I continued speaking, "I had the worst fucking day and its all thanks to one picture..." I finished. I looked at him, and saw how his expression changed. "What picture?" He asked finally. I took my phone and showed him the message. He read it and didn't say anything. He moved over my bed and sat down next to me. "Bella, I'm so-" he said, wanting to put his hand on my shoulder, but I just moved it away.

The room fell silent; and in those moments of silence, I found myself thinking of the things that I've kept burying. "You know what I realised?" I said finally after a few more moments, "I've actually been fooling myself into thinking that I was fine with everything! I've been pretending that I was doing okay, but clearly I wasn't!" I said, looking at the ground. "You wanna know why I turned to drinking ? Because everytime I thought of Jacob, it was like a knife to the chest; and I thought about him a lot! So I gave alcohol a shot, and it numbed my pain and-" I was interrupted by Luke pressing his lips against mine.

"Shhh" he whispered, pulling me in closer and laying both of us down on the bed, "you don't need to speak about it right now... I understand why you did what you did... Its fine.... I shouldn't have overreacted anyway" he said in a gentle voice. We spooned for a while, and then I felt something behind me. "Luke?" I said, my eyes flying open, "are you sleeping?" I asked. "Uhhm.. Yeah, aren't you?" He spoke into my hair as he answered. "Well, its kind of hard to sleep when I've got your boner up against my ass" I said, trying to keep my voice as normal as possible. "Oh! Shit! Oh my- sorry!" He said, and I swear I heard the embarrassment in his voice. He moved his lower body, and I felt his boner moving away from my ass. It didn't get very far, because I pulled it back to where it was. "I didn't say I didn't like it!" I said before turning around and pulling him in for a kiss.