THE SURROGATE: A LUKE BROOKS FAN FICTION

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

*CHAPTER FIFTY TWO*
*LUKE'S P.O.V*
When I woke up, I felt Bella stirring next to me. At first I thought that she was moving in her sleep, but when I sat up and looked at her, she was leaning over the side of the bed, with her hand holding onto something. I got a closer look, and saw that she was smiling. I looked further and found out why; the baby had gotten a grip on her index finger and refused to let it go. I found it funny how neither wanted to let go of other, and I had the funny feeling that he (the baby) might have known that they were going to be separated soon, because the way he was holding onto her finger, was as if he was holding onto their last few moments together. I felt so bad for Bella! I don't think I'd ever know what she could be going through; and that kills me, because I have no idea of how to ease the pain, or even to comfort her. A part of me just wanted to take her, and the baby, and just run away with them; where we would go to, I don't know, but wherever it was, it was a chance to start a whole new life. We could get married, buy a house, raise this kid and it would all be perfect. But then the other part of me, the part that always had to be the voice of reason, knew that I was being completely irrational. Things never work out the way one plans, and anyway, what about the Freemans? They've been waiting all their lives for a baby! Bella and I are still young, we still have many changes to have a baby; that would be even better, because then it'd be a baby of our own, a baby that'll have both mine and Bella's qualities and characteristics!
"You're a strong little man, aren't ya?" I heard Bella ask in the voice that one uses to speak to a baby. "Yes you are! Do you think you could open your eyes for me?" She asked again in the same voice. "Not ready yet huh?" She continued speaking as she elevated her body and placed all her weight on her elbow and forearm. "Maybe he's hungry?" I suggested, "I heard breast milk is good for brain developmnow or something" now my attention was on the little guy. "I heard that too... Thing is," she said, now sitting up straight, "I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to do that! What if he gets a taste and then just... Doesn't stop?" she asked, running her fingers through her hair. "Well here's your chance to find out now..." I said pointing towards the door, "here's the good Doctor!" And Dr. Dickson came walking into the room, with papers in her hands. "Good morning!" She smiled at us, and then at the baby. I felt like I was overstepping some boundary by sitting on the bed the way I was, so I got up and stood by the window. "What are those?" I heard Bella asking. "These are the final papers that you need to sign" Dr. Dickson responded. At this point I felt like this was a conversation I shouldn't be hearing, but to leave now would make me curious ato what they were talking about. "I'm sorry, I don't understand? What does that mean?" I heard Bella asking, and I heard the confusion in her voice. "By signing these papers," Dr. Dickson said before I heard a rustling of papers, "you're handing over ALL parental responsibilities to the Freemans" she finished off, and I couldn't help but notice her put emphasis on the word 'all' . I turned around just in time to see Bella's smile fade. "Oh," she said looking down at her intertwined fingers, "so after this, its all over? He- he isn't mine anymore?" She swallowed hard. I was at a loss for words, also, it seemed, was Dr. Dickson. "Well yes, it would seem so wouldn't it?" Dr. Dickson sounded awkward as she said this, "Bella i- you mustn't- I'm sorry" she continued and put the papers down, as a beeping came from her pocket. Bella looked at me, and i looked back at her and mouthed, "its okay" but i knew full well that it wasnt. "Doctor wait!" I yelled out when i suddenly remembered something, and she stopped in the middle of the room, "Bella and I wanted to know if it was okay for her to breast feed?" I asked. "Well, the nurses have been feeding him formula in the nursery; as for the breast feeding, I don't see a problem with it; but it really isn't my decision. That's a decision for the parents, and they should be here soon," she said looking at her watch, "now if you'll excuse me" and she left.

I walked towards the door and closed it. I turned around and saw that Bella was still sitting the same way, with her head down and fingers intertwined. I wasn't sure if I should go to her, or stand right where I was. "I can't do it Luke" she said with her voice trembling, "the- the way she said it" she sniffed, her breathing was uneasy, "she made it sound like I'm just, throwing him away!" she looked up at me, tears rolling down her face. By the time she had finished her sentence, I was by her side. I didn't know what to say, or even what to do. "Am I doing that? Am I just throwing him away? Is that what he's going to think when he's older? That I just threw him away and didn't care about him!? Because that's not true at all!" she spoke, her face full of tears, her breathing was so uneven, I was scared that she might get a panic attack. "How would I even get a chance to explain everything to him!? Why I did it in the first place? How fucking hard it was for me to give him up!?" she spoke louder, but not loud enough to be considered a scream. I looked at her, and seeing her in the state that she was in, how heart broken and torn she was about the whole situation, made me feel terrible; because I didn't know what to say! I couldn't form any words at all! Sniffing and wiping the tears from her face, she pulled the papers towards her and picked up the pen that was lying on top of them. She raised her hand to sign, but stopped and turned to the baby. "What is it that you're scared about the most?" I asked, finally able to form words. "I don't know," she said, still keeping her attention on the baby in the crib. She reached out and picked him up; she put him in front of her with his back resting on her palms, while his neck was being supported by her fingers. "There's a lot of things I'm scared of... Maybe even too much to mention" "okay, but what do you fear the MOST?" I repeated my question. She was quiet for a while, as if counting all her fears and then choosing the scariest one. Keeping her attention on the sleeping baby, she finally said, "its more of the long term things... Like, what type of person is he going to grow up to be? Is he going to like where he grows up? Most importantly, will he be happy where he is? I guess that's what worries me, among other things." She finished speaking and raised the baby up to her mouth, where she kissed his forehead. "Hey, its perfectly fine for you worry about things like that... But let's trybto out your mind at ease... What was living with the Freemans like?" I asked. She looked at me, and without even thinking about the answer, she said, "it was actually pretty amazing... They- they made me feel welcome; like I was part of the family" and she looked down as she finished her sentence. "Okay, so if they related you like that and made you feel that way, imagine how they'd treat this baby!" I said. She nodded her head, and I continued. "Have you met the rest of their family?" I asked and she nodded in response, "what were they like?" I asked. "They're really nice people! Any person would be lucky to have a family like that" she replied, looking down at the baby again. I continued asking questions that addressed any possible reason why she would doubt signing these papers. "Then tell me again what you were worried about?" I said, trying to hide my cockiness, but some of it peeked through. She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it again. She looked down and smiled as she shook her head slowly. "How is it that you always manage to cheer me up and make me smile, even when I don't want to?" She asked, looking up at me and smiling. I looked back at her and put my forehead against hers, "because I understand you, and because we've been best friends for years, because you're my girlfriend, and most of all, because I love..." I stoked right there! Holy fuck; I almost dropped a bombshell! Fuck, fuck, fuck! She's waiting for me to continue! Shit! Okay, maybe I can play it off. "Because you love...?" She repeated, looking up into my eyes, and I looked down into hers; did she want me to say it? Or was she giving me a chance to change what I was actually about to say? Why did this have to be so confusing!? "...because I love... Glue!" I said, thinking quickly. The look of confusion washing over her face was completely expected. "You love... Glue?" She asked, now moving her head away, and looking slightly disappointed. Shit! Made the wrong the choice; but I doubt I could turn back now! I just nodded. She got up and laid the baby back down in his crib, before pacing around the room, whispering "glue?" From time to time. She'd face me, as if about to ask me something, but then she'd turn around and start pacing again. "Why would you...?" She turned to me again, "glue?" She asked, and started pacing again. I didn't do anything; I just sat there, watching her oacing , and feeling like shit at the same time... Why didn't I just tell her!? Why was it so hard for me to just come out and say, 'Isabella, I love YOU!' why the fuck did I even say glue!? 'You can still make up for it... You have a chance to tell her that it was a joke and you wanted to see her reaction' one part of my brain argued, while the other interrupted, 'or you could tell her the truth and say that you were scared she'd think you're moving too fast by saying it now... I mean, you can go with either one, all I know is, girls prefer honesty...' The choice was obvious! I got up and walked towards a pacing Bella; I managed to stop her pacing, by putting both my hands on either side of her cheeks, and then lifting her head slightly so that she was looking at me. "Hey, listen-" I began, but we were interrupted by the door flying open, and the Freemans walking in...