Find Me

Ch. 14

Alexia's pov

I dread today's future. This afternoon I have therapy. I hate therapy for many reasons. One is just my introverted personality. I don't like to talk in general, but I hate talking to someone I barely know for "help." I'd much rather talk to my mom, but she thinks it's best I talk to a therapists. In case a topic comes up where she doesn't really know how to help.

I think that's her excuse for just getting me to talk to a therapist. She can help me with anything because she understands everything. She's been thorough it and given the tools to help herself that she can easily give to me, but here we are with a therapy appointment set up for later.

Mom sits at the table with me and her laptop fully focused on work at the moment. I don't mind though, I'm not doing anything productive anyway. I ate an hour ago, am already dressed for later, and right now all I'm doing is playing with play doh.

I swear at times I have the mind of a toddler. The smallest things can keep me so entertainers or easily distracted. It's kinda ridiculous to be honest.

"Alexa are you ok with me doing an interview next week?" Mom sighs.

Too busy with the play dough and being seriously entertained with it, I nod, "Yeah."

"Are you sure? You'll have to come with me." She says.

"Who's it for?" I ask.

"Jimmy Fallon."

"That's ok. He's funny."

"Can you look at me?" She asks.

I look up for a brief second and see her staring at me, "You know he might ask about you? I think our of respect and us knowing one another pretty well, He may not. I don't believe he will. But how do you feel about that?" She asks.

"I don't feel like what I did isn't anyone's business. My diagnosis aren't anyone's business. Nor is the dad situation anyone's business. I don't feel like he has any right to ask such private information on National television. If he wants to ask off the show then you can tell him because I know he's one of your closest friends. I just don't want the entire world to know. I know you're going to say 'Oh well you can use this as a learning opportunity and help so many other people' but I don't want to. I don't want to talk about it and I'm not like you in that way. You can get candid about your mental health, past, or struggles. I can't and don't want to." I say.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to talk about everything just because I talk about my health or mental health. It's up to you on what you share versus not." She says

I give a small nod, "Ok, I'll remember that." I say.

"Unless it's to your therapist, then you really need to share everything." She says.

I roll my eyes, "I know momma."

We both know I'm holding back in therapy but she's doing her best not to push me in it or answer the questions correctly, when I answer them wrong. My moms in the room to make me more comfortable because if I was in there alone, I wouldn't be talking from anxiety. However my mom wants me to talk and grow comfortable and trust on my own so eventually she won't have to be in the room.

"Tomorrow we have a free day, is there anything you want to do?" She asks.

I shrug, "No. Not really. I kinda like being lazy and not having school or anything to do." I say.

Her eyes widen as if I've reminded her of something she's forgotten about and I realize I've just shot myself in the foot with my confession.

"I need to get you a tutor. Damn it. I knew there was something I have been meaning to do." She says.