Find Me

Ch. 28

Alexia's pov

I don't recall much of last night. Mostly stomach cramps and crying myself again last night. But what I was crying about to begin with is an answer I don't have. My emotions are all over the place and pretty much anything can push me over the edge. But when I'm already feeling one way about my mom and she yells at me, it only adds more validation to a thought I didn't want to believe. That my mom doesn't care. Because who yells at their child to show them how much they "care?"

"Did you finish?" Mom questions.

I look down at the bowl of fruit she's monitored me eat and nod. Sadly I did. I don't know what is up with her today. She's so attentive and nice? I've been able to hide the fruit lately and I actually had to eat it today which wasn't in my plans. The guilt, regret, and depression is overwhelming now that I've eaten the fruit.

"Yeah."

"Can you get dressed?" She asks.

I look up from the empty bowl to my mom who's feeding Brooklyn a bottle, "Why?"

"We're going out today." She says.

Loosing interest quickly, I pick my bowl up from the dining table and walk to the dishwasher, "Can I stay with aunt Dallas or aunt Stephanie? Even aunt Marilyn? I'm really not interested in walking around and doing nothing fun because of a baby. I'd rather go to the trampoline park with aunt Marilyn and force Christian to go so I can leave welps on him from how hard I throw the doge balls. That's what I call fun." I say.

I set the bowl in the dishwasher and close it before turning around and waiting for my moms response, "Dallas is babysitting Brooklyn so we can go and have fun."

How does she go from yelling and threatening to not let me visit my dad anymore to wanting to spend the day with me the next? I don't understand my mom anymore. I seriously don't. I know she's not on her meds due to the whole pregnancy and breastfeeding thing but there's no way this is "manic" behavior.

Too scared to see what me declining the offer would turn into after yesterday, I just nod and go to my room. I close my bedroom door behind me and open my closet.

"Well Alexia, you need to look nice. This is your first time out since the divorce, suicide, and baby stuff. You can't look like a mess today." I remind myself.

I pull a pair of blue jeans off the hanger and a nice dress shirt. I then do Dutch braids in my hair and apply a glam look with my make up. I then throw on my vans and grab my phone off the nightstand before walking downstairs.

I hear the shower water running which lets me know my moms currently taking a shower, so I just sit on the couch knowing it'll be a while before she's ready. However I don't want to risk getting in trouble for 'not being ready when she is' today. I can't read her mood and I don't want to be yelled at.

Yelling at me just makes me want to cry and I will feel guilty in an instant. I'm not a strong person so criticism and being yelled at actually hurts me. It's probably a more effective punishment than actually being punished.

I pull my phone from my pocket to keep me occupied until I see my aunt walk through the front door, "Want to play checkers with me?" I ask.

"You always win." She chuckles.

"I'll let you get a few of my pieces to make it a fair game." I say.

Aunt Stephanie rolls her eyes, "Playing checkers against you is never a fair game. But get the game set up and I'll play with you."

I smile at the victory and move to the coffee table where I get the game set up and she sits across from me.

"Where's your momma?" She asks.