Chapter 4

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I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! it might be a little boring right now but big drama is coming up soon hehehe

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(Alex's POV)

"Alex?" Jack groggily mumbled as he half woke up. "Jack?" I mocked him, and he gave me a tired glare. I smiled sarcastically at him as he plopped his face back in the pillow. "So I'm guessing you don't feel good." I laughed. I knew I was being a bit of an asshole right now, but that was me. I had a nine year record of being an asshole towards Jack. "I feel like literal shit. I just wanna sleep." He whined into the pillow. I moved from my spot on the side of the bed over to where Jack was. "Nobody's making you stay up. Get some sleep and when you wake up again, maybe I'll make you something to eat, okay?" I smiled at him. Jack was always tired when he was hungover, and he was really tired today. He pulled the blankets over his head, but mumbled from underneath them, "You should stay with me." "Okay. I'll be right back." I said as I got up off the bed.

I walked downstairs and sat on Jack's couch, letting out a long sigh. I don't know what's happening. Jack and I get drunk and fuck last night, okay, Jack gets too drunk, which is concerning. That's what friends with benefits do, right? But then I stay over and sleep in with him, and cook him breakfast? And get concerned about his drinking habits? Friends with benefits don't fall in love with the way each others fingers feel running down their back, rough with calluses from years of guitar playing or the way their hair sticks up in every which way in the morning. But I'm not in love with Jack himself, in in love with little bits of him. His personality is complete trash, but the way his eyes light up when he gets excited or when he sticks out his tongue when he's playing guitar is perfect. Don't get me wrong though, Jack and I are just friends.

I walked back upstairs and Jack was already sound asleep, face buried in the pillow and hair sticking up all over. I slipped my jeans off and crawled in bed next to him, wrapping my arms loosely around his upper body. It was like high school again, it was like we loved each other again. I knew this is what Jack wanted, a relationship, but I just couldn't. I didn't like him that way. Part of me deep down told me that it was because I was a train wreck and dating me would be like driving your car straight into a tornado at 100mph. I couldn't hurt Jack anymore than I already had, he's already so battered and torn, like an old flag left out in far too many storms. But that flag keeps proudly waving, even when the color drains from it and the rain tears holes of various sizes and it gets all crinkly and misshapen. The flag doesn't know what else to do, Jack doesn't know what else to to besides love me. And loving me is practically planned suicide.

Jack twitched in his sleep before fully waking up, rolling over to look at me. "What time is it?" His face was confused as he looked at me with sleepy eyes. "Uhhh..." I said, glancing at the clock. "It's 12:30 ish. Do you still want something to eat?" I asked as I subconsciously reached out to play with Jack's hair, realizing what I was doing a few seconds after I had started. I quickly snatched my hand away, a sudden tension filling the little space between our faces. Okay, I might be thinking about kissing him, and I think he's thinking the same thing about me. But our conversation carried on, "I could really go for some pizza. You okay with that?" Jack asked. "Pizza is fine with me." I replied uneasily, because I knew staying for lunch would be dangerously too long of a stay. But lunch can't hurt, right? I'll leave after that and it'll be okay.

We both sat on the soft couch, side by side, waiting for pizza. It hadn't been too long, maybe twenty minutes since we had called. I looked over at Jack, "You know, I think I like your wild bed head better than your styled hair. You shouldn't have fixed it." Jack rolled his eyes at me, "It looks stupid in the morning. But that's okay, everyone looks a little stupid in the morning." "I'll make you look stupid now." I smirked before leaning over to push Jack against the couch. I now lied on top of him and began kissing him roughly, his freshly shaven stubble scratching against me. I still had gross messy hair and a little bit of a 3-day beard, looking like a trash can compared to the man under me.

As I moved down to his neck, replacing fading hickeys with fresh ones, my fingers tangled in Jack's hair. I purposefully twisted it around, messing up his perfect work. Jack whined through a moan and I stopped to look at him. "Do you want nice hair or a handjob?" I smirked at him. That shut him up, and I continued my work on the hickeys. Just as I put the final touches, the doorbell rudely rings throughout the house.

I walked over to the door and opened it just enough to get the pizza. "Have a good day." I said and began closing the door as I noticed the pizza guy glance over to Jack. Pizza in hand, I sat back down on the couch and set the box on the coffee table in front of us. We enjoyed our pizza in almost complete silence, both lost in our thoughts. My train of thought had been derailed ever since it came across the idea of whatever Jack and I are.

After having a far too long silence, I cleared my throat and simply stated, "Well, I have to go. Catch you tomorrow." I got up from my place and wiped my hands on my pants before walking to the door. "Uh yeah, see ya." Jack stuttered as he followed behind me. I pulled on my shoes and jacket and I was on my way.

Tomorrow was Monday, which meant recording in the studio. Which meant acting normal yet pissed at Jack. And explaining to Rian what happened the other day. Fuck, life is such a pain in the ass.

As I walked in the door, I walked straight to the bathroom and looked at myself in the dusty, blotchy mirror. My eyes looked stressed and my posture was tired. My hair was a mess, and I hadn't shaved in days. I sighed and brushed a few stray hairs from my eyes. I knew I shouldn't, but the idea of just puking my guts out seemed rather appealing right now. No. There has to be another way, right? Of course, there's cutting your feelings out, but I'm not gonna do that again. I turned and leaned over the toilet, doing my routine again. I sat down on the floor after flushing the toilet, feeling lightheaded. I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor, the cold tile pressed against my defeated body.

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