Chapter Five

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by knivezsorrow

by knivezsorrow

(Alex's POV)

I woke up to the annoying sound of my phone buzzing against the cold tile of the bathroom floor. I groaned and sat up, a little dizzy and feeling like shit. The caller ID read "Jack Barakat" so I answered at the last second. "Hello?" came my groggy response. "Hey, uh, are you okay? I've called you like 3 times and texted you a ton too. You do know we have work to do today, right?" Jack worriedly spoke. Shit. I forgot about work. "Ugh fuck, yeah, I'll be there soon. See you there." I rudely hung up and got off the floor. I was wearing jeans and a tee from yesterday so I'll be fine. I ran out of my house, without any food, and practically sped to the studio.

"Why were you so late? Are you okay? You look like death. Are you hungover?" The others threw questions and a metric ass-ton of blame at me. "Sorry, I- uh, I slept through the alarm. And the phone calls. But I'm here now right?" I got out between yawns and making up the lie along the way. Everyone was looking at me like they had just seen Satan himself, except for Jack. He seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being, and could obviously tell I was bullshitting hard right now. I wonder if he could tell that this was his fucking fault, screwing with my feelings and my brain.

"Maybe we should work on bass before vocals, seeing as Alex is still sleeping." Someone I didn't bother to look at said before I walked out of the room to find the nearest couch to take a nap on. I settled for a couch in an empty recording room, fuzzy and black, like my soul. I heard someone come in after me, probably the people who's room it was. "Oh sorry I thou-" I started as I rolled of the couch clumsily, managing to fall on the floor. "It's just Jack, you're fine." A familiar voice warmly laughed. I pushed myself back onto the couch and scooted over to make room for Jack, who got the message and sat beside me.

"Do you want to tell me what happened last night?" Jack scoldingly said, almost like a parent to a teenager who had snuck out the night before. "No." I bluntly replied, looking blankly at the wall. "Well, I'm not gonna leave until you tell me." Jack attempted to pressure me or something, which wasn't working seeing as I hated Jack as just someone to have around as company. Jack was just a casual fuck, nothing more, nothing less. But it never got through that pea brain of his that I hated him so much, and he always assumed we were friends. I sighed,"Good. Go the fuck away, I was trying to take a nap." "I'll stay here and take a nap with you." Jack smiled at me. "No, you're gonna get the fuck out of the room before I kill you, okay?" I sarcastically smiled back. "Someone's an ass today." He mumbled as he got up and it just set me off. I don't know why but I just decided to yell, "Yeah, I'm a little bit of an ass because I haven't slept or eaten or even thought properly since I pushed you against that wall and kissed you. My whole life is falling to pieces and you're sitting right in the center, causing the whole thing while obliviously going about life, Jack Barakat. So let me get some fucking sleep and a little food before you try to ask me shit." Jack just stood there with a shocked, kinda confused face, and I sighed. I had just told him everything, and kinda implied that I liked him, but I didn't, did I? What did it even feel like to 'love' again? Is this what love was, constant nights of pain and horrible headaches?

Jack still just stood there, giving me a slight anxious feeling from his eyes burning into my sad figure. "Why are you just standing there?" I finally squeezed out, my words no louder than a whisper. He looked down and sighed, "I don't want to leave you feeling this way, knowing its my fault, but you told me to go away, so I don't want to upset you by being here. Sorry, I'll just..." "No, uh, you can stay I guess. I'm sorry, I'm just a train wreck and I don't want to hurt you again. I know how badly I hurt you back then, Jack." My voice cracked and faltered as I tried to keep back tears. "Well I hurt you too, so we're both even. And oh god, if you're a train wreck, I must be the aftermath of 9/11. I think we're both so afraid of hurting each other, we ended up doing it anyways." Jack squeezed me into a hug and rubbed circles into the curve of my back.

It was the little things like this that hurt the most, the little things that showed me he cared. My head rested in the crook of his neck, his stubble slightly scratching me. And we stood like that, no sexual intentions, no kissing or anything, just two people trying to fix each other by breaking them and rearranging them in different patterns. But of course there are only so many patterns something can be put into, and we still hadn't found one we liked.

This wasn't right. I pushed Jack away and he seemed a little hurt. "No, this isn't right. I- I don't like you. We're just friends with benefits." Every particle in me but one was screaming that it was right, that I love Jack. But that one was screaming over the rest that Jack was a sex interest, and that was that. He turned away but didn't walk away, so I bit my lip, awaiting his words.

"You know what's not right? You. If you don't like me, they why the fuck do you act like it, why the fuck do you care so much? Why do you look like you haven't eaten anything since you were last at my house, and you haven't slept since then either? Alex, you need to stop doing this to yourself, cause I love you, even if you don't love yourself."

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I almost cried writing this chapter. and yes I know alex is being a stubborn ass in denial but it's all part of the plan hehehehe. okay well don't forget to comment and vote!