A Silhouette and Maybe More

Forgive and Forget?

He was the first to storm out of the kitchen and head to his bedroom in a sulk, I sighed as his shoulder brushed past mine, biting my lip in regret, then came the deafening sound of his door slamming. Why did I do that? I scolded myself as I cleaned the slight tear on my arm, it was nothing much but it was enough to make me bleed. After a minute or two of healing myself I had made that decision to apologise first, I would have to wait a while if he was going to apologise first so I may as well get it over and done with. The term 'forgive and forget' came to mind. He did say that this was going to happen again and I agreed with him, however this time the fault was mine, I was the one to blame.

I had made him another cup of tea - the way he likes it - and carried it up to his room. The closer I got to his door the more hesitant I became, what if he doesn't forgive me? What if he tries to hurt me again? What if he doesn't like me anymore? Quietly chapping on his door I eventually got permission to enter his room. He stood towards the back of the room in a threatening stance when I walked in instantly making me nervous. Why was I so nervous? The more I thought about it the more I realised that Dan and I had more in common than I anticipated, we both have two kinds of personalities that show two different sides to us, one more favoured than the other.

"I just came to apologise." I muttered placing the cup on his desk, taking a quick glance of pictures that I had missed before. He stood, not moving a muscle and not speaking a word.

"I-I hope you know that I didn't mean any of the things I said. I got frustrated when you disappeared last night, I was so worried!" My apology made him snigger and turn his back on me. "It's true Dan. You may not be used to having someone who cares about you, but I do care and I was scared when you left me, how was I supposed to know when you'd come back? And when you came into the kitchen earlier acting like nothing happened - not even explaining yourself - you made me angry." I finished, my voice cracking mid-sentence. Still, he kept his back turned on me, I could just see his face changing. "I take full responsibility for what happened this morning, I know it was wrong to provoke you so...I'm just hoping you'd accept my apology."

Silence. I tried.

"I'm just going to go now..." I muttered to myself as I began to show myself out.

"Wait, Amelia..." he sighed, turning round at the last second. I waited by the doorway while he walked over getting closer to me, keeping my gaze on anything other than him. His gentle touch sending me into a state of safety as he tenderly swept away my long blonde hair behind my ear, cradling my cheeks with his hands. When I looked at him he almost seemed apologetic and compassionate, his big blue eyes skimmed over my face looking at each individual feature; a habit he's picked up.

"I accept your apology. I'm sorry I tried to hit you with my mug..." He chuckled his toothy grin baring through. His smile died down while he exhaled deeply through his nose. "How can I not forgive this beautiful face?"

I instantly looked away from him concealing my burning red cheeks. That all too familiar turning sensation in my stomach reappeared, this is what he does to me. I can't help it. He made it worse when he enveloped me in a hug pressing my face against his chest, his smell entered my nose again making me almost collapse. His abnormally tall physique overshadowed me leaning his head on mine that was trapped within his clutch. I didn't hesitate to cling onto him like I never wanted to let go, it was too comforting. The goosebumps appeared when his hands travelled round my back in a pacifying way; the things he does to me, it drives me insane. And to top it off, after pulling away he kisses the top of my head.

"I can never stay angry at you." he admitted.

"Ditto. And thanks for putting me to bed last night." I replied making him chuckle. So, it was official; I was no longer in his bad books and he was no longer in mine, we had remained...friends? Or were we more than that?

He dragged me by my hands over to his bed and we sat side by side where I could feel an intense chat coming on.

"Last night, when I ran away, I began to think...a lot." He started. I had this horrible notion that the outcome of whatever this conversation was about, was not a good one.

"I've decided that it's not safe for you to be here...with me."

Whenever I'm in state of confusion mixed with sadness my brain forgets how to process words. I felt my heart sink out of distraught. My mouth agape, I stared at him hoping that I had just completely misheard what he said.

"What?"

"I'm too much of a danger towards you." He repeated not even daring to look at me. No. I don't want to leave. Before too long the tears eventually lined my eyes, was he going to let me go?

"Why are you saying this?" I asked my timid voice quivering which only grabbed his attention. He turned his body more to face me and gently placed his hands on my shoulders supportively trying to comfort me. After all that we've been through; arguments, befriending one another, the moments of pure bliss when we had our first kiss, he was willing to throw that all away. I just didn't understand.

"After what happened last night with the police, I don't want to be the one to ruin your life. Amelia, I'm a criminal, I've killed someone and you being around covering up my tracks is something I don't want you to do. You have a healthy future ahead of you and I don't want to be the one who holds you back. I've hurt you and I don't want to take that risk of having you with me because I know I'm capable of doing it again and I won't be able to control it. You have no idea of how grateful and appreciative I am for you, but I don't deserve you and I'd only hate myself more if I got you into trouble."

"Dan please-" I begged, I didn't want to hear any more, every word was like a dagger piercing into my already shattered heart.

"What you've done for me is something that not a lot of people would do, especially if it's for me. I asked you to stay and you did, you looked after me, listened to my problems and looked into my past and all I've done is shown hatred and ignorance towards you. I'm so sorry but I can't have you staying here anymore, I'm taking you back tomorrow." He announced dreading having to say the words.

"I won't go. I want to stay." Tears were hot as they trickled down my face, my whole body was trembling dealing with his decision. He kept his head down, he knew that if he looked at me and saw how heartbroken I was, it would send a rush of guilt through him, changing his mind. He seemed to have finished talking now, all he could do was endure my whimpering as I sat beside him.

Now that he has forgiven, I guess this was his way of forgetting.