Hold You Down

13

Kali Michelle Willow

2 Weeks Later

"I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
I may never understand why"

Beyonce played in my ears as I curled on the bed crying my eyes out. It's been a week or two and I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong. I can't find the reason and I'm hurting. I'm trying to find a reason to the pain so that I could understand why. I can't eat I feel like my world has crashed down on me. I just want to be alone but I'm so stuck in my head that all my brain thinks about is Amir and seeing him with Nesha and her having his baby. I've been at Tia house in her guest bedroom. My music cut off and the light came on I groan and put the cover over my head.

"My baby" I heard my momma voice and the covers flew from over my head and she wrapped me in her arms laying on the bed with me. My head rest on her chest as I burst out crying my tears falling on her.

"Ma it hurts so bad" I croaked out sobbing. I feel like I'm already dead.

"I know baby it'll get better" she rubbed my back.

"When ma? I can't do this it hurts so so bad" I cried.

"I feel so....so weak" I smothered my face in her chest.

I cried on her shoulder for almost three hours and she held me but I didn't feel any better.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Empty" I replied and burst out in tears.......again.

Three Hours Later.

"I need to get my things out of that apartment" I said as I walked into the livingroom where my mommy and Tia were sitting and talking.

"Are you ready for that?" Tia asked and I looked to the ground.

No I wasn't.

"I can handle it" I lied.

"No you can't baby" My mom said softly I know its hurting her to see me like this. I looked at her and sucked in my bottom lip to stop from crying.

I hate it, I hate that I feel this way, I hate that I can't take this ring off, most of all I hate that I'm this weak and can't stop this feeling.

"I need to Ma I can't let him keep parts of me I don't wanna hurt anymore" I said in a whisper.

"Okay we will go with you" Tia said and I gave her a weak smile.