english - c.hood 01 | au

thirteen

n o e l l e

the funeral was quiet, and usually involve lots of chatting and mingling, somewhat like a cocktail party for a sad occasion.

but as soon as i entered the room, it fell silent.

my mom had been there all day, organising the flowers and taking everyone's condolences.

i wasn't ready, i knew i wouldn't be able to last the whole day.

so mom had me arrive with luke.

and being stared down by a good hundred people or so, at your little brother's funeral, was not comforting at all.

slowly, with luke's hand in mine, i walked up to the open casket.

he looked so peaceful, but i would never get to see the light in his eyes ever again.

no more hearing his sweet giggle.

no more of his smile that lit up every room that he was in.

it was all gone, he was gone, and i wasn't ever going to get him back.

first my dad, now my brother.

all i had left we're my friends and my mom, and my god do i love them with every bone in my body.

but at the end of the day, the two most important boys in my life were gone, and i wouldn't ever have them back.

no little brother to kiss goodnight, no father to hold me when i'm down.

they were gone, and once again i was breaking and dropping to an all time low.

and that's when i felt my knees grow week, and i fell back into luke's arms as hot tears fell down my face.

"breathe, ellie, breathe." luke whispered to me. "come on, we're leaving."

"n-no." i stuttered. "i-i can't."

"trust me, come outside." he spoke softly, helping me stand and rushing me out of the chapel.

and once we were outside, that's when i heard the same yell i heard three years ago.

"noelle! get your ass back here right now!"

"leanne—"

"save it, luke." i sighed. "mom, please don't do this."

"you listen here and you listen well." my mom scolds me. "you are just too much to handle, i've had enough of your breakdowns! yes noelle, we're all mourning these losses, and i get that they've harshly affected you. but for fucks sake, suck it up and hold your head high like the rest of us!"

yet still i was full-on sobbing.

"leanne, please, just let me take her home." luke pleaded.

"n-no." i stuttered, shaking my head and steadying myself. "y-you don't have the right to tell me how to feel. y-you don't get to tell me when i can or can't cry, or be a sobbing mess because the people i loves most are fucking dead! have the funeral, do what you want, i'm coming back with the boys and nora another time. but i'm going back to school right after this, and you, my dear, can go fuck yourself."

"noelle!"

"save it, leanne." i gritted through my teeth. "luke, t-take me home."

and so he did.

and that was the last i would see of my mother for quite some time...