All I Need

三

As Namjoon finished his line before he turned to go to his next position, but ended up bumping into Jungkook.

Namjoon stumbled back and held his forehead in pain. His eyes were shut, but when he opened them he could see the members crowded around Jungkook on the ground. Jungkook's nose was bleeding.

I fucked up again.

"I'm so sorry Jungkook!" Namjoon said frantically.

I fucked up!

Now they defiantly hate me!

Jungkook looked up at Namjoon with anger in his eyes as he held his bloody nose.

Jungkook hates me.

"What the hell Namjoon!" Yoongi yelled as he looked at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't me-" Namjoon was cut off as Jin spoke.

"We have been putting up with your lack of improvement for the past few weeks, but this is too far!" He said annoyed.

Namjoon's brows furrowed together and tears filled his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry hyung I-"

"Instead of saying sorry all the time, maybe actually improve your dancing." Jin said before he stormed out.

Namjoon looked at Jungkook to see that he was crying.

Fuck.

I made Jungkook cry.

I'm such a horrible leader.

I can't do anything right.

I just make all the members angry and I make them sad too. What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I so clumsy and useless that I can't even switch positions properly?

Namjoon bowed and apologized once again.

The dance instructor called a break and everyone left with Jungkook.

Namjoon remained in the room.

Alone.

Namjoon walked over to the wall and sat down leaning against it. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He bit back tears as he thought over how useless he is.

.

When they got back to the dorms Jin was still upset, but Jungkook had forgiven Namjoon.

The other members were forgiving as well, but Namjoon couldn't help but feel they hated him.

Namjoon went to the bathroom and stood over the sink as he continued his daily task of littering his wrists and hips with scars.

Namjoon let tears roll down his cheeks.

It stung so bad.

He deserved it.

.

Namjoon continued writing more lyrics for his mixtape but stopped when a thought came to his mind.

Would anyone actually listen to my mixtape?

I'm fat and ugly. I'm not as good of a rapper as Yoongi, plus I'm a horrible leader.

Who would want to listen to my mixtape?

No one.

At this point, I don't even want to listen to it.

Namjoon turned off his computer and stood up.

He gripped his desk as a wave of dizziness overwhelmed him.

Maybe I should eat something...

It's been a few days...

As Namjoon started to regain his composure he decided to just go to bed.

I shouldn't eat.

Maybe the members and ARMY would like me more...

Maybe I'd like me more...

______________

I low key teared up as I wrote the chapter.

Here's a gif of our handsome Joonie 🥰