All I Need

四

Namjoon wrote down the lyrics on a piece of paper in a swift movement.

"I feel so lonely when I am with me..." He mumbled under his breath.

He tapped the desk as he thought over more lyrics. He was interrupted from his thoughts as he suddenly heard cheering from the living room.

He turned to his studio door.

"Gosh...that scared me..." He mumbled to himself.

He got up and waited for the wave of dizziness to disappear before walking toward the door of his studio.

He was curious as to what was happening. The cheering was still going on and he could hear Jin's very distinctive laugh.

He made his way down the hall and when he got to the living room he almost cried.

The members were laughing and smiling as they put on their jackets and shoes to go out.

"Let's get drunk! We deserve a break!" Jimin said with a smile as he put his arm around Hoseok.

The members cheered and agreed with him.

Namjoon swallowed a lump in his throat. He built up the courage to ask the question he was scared to ask.

"Are you guys going somewhere?" Namjoon asked hesitant.

They turned to him shocked. They instantly stopped smiling. Guilt appeared on their faces.

"Hyung..." Jungkook said with wide eyes.

"Shit..did we really forget to tell Namjoon?" Taehyung whispered to Jimin.

Namjoon heard it though. It broke his heart.

"Uh...we were going to get some bbq and soju..do you want to join us?" Jin asked with an awkward smile.

Namjoon clenched his jaw and bit back tears.

It took all his willpower to muster up a smile.

"I'm ok, I'm too busy working on my album, you guys go ahead." Namjoon said smiling.

The members looked guilty and awkward, but they believed Namjoon and filled out the door one by one. Namjoon waved them off and told them to be safe.

When the door was shut Namjoon looked at the ground for a second with the same fake smile.

Slowly the smile faltered as tears fell down his cheeks. His lips trembled as quiet sobs began to escape his mouth. He sat down on the sofa and cried into his hands.

"They forgot you...they really did..."

His shoulders shook as painful sobs escaped his lips.

"They didn't want you to come at all! They would ask if they wanted you around and actually cared about you!"

Namjoon wiped tears from his cheeks over and over, but it made no difference as tears came from his eyes at a steady rate.

"You are so fucking clueless Namjoon...why would anyone want you around...so fat...such a horrible leader...you let them all down.."

He continued to sob and sob.

Eventually he made his way to the bathroom with tears still streaming down his face.

It didn't take him long before he was taking the blade from the cabinet and rolling up his sleeves.

.

The next few days were filled with busy schedules for Namjoon. He was never home and members were getting worried.

They hadn't seen him for days and they didn't know if he was eating properly or sleeping properly.

Little do they know he hasn't been eating or sleeping at all for months.

When Namjoon did come home the members felt saddened by his state. Namjoon dragged himself down the hall to his room where he fell asleep instantly.

Jin sent the maknaes out to get some meat for him to grill. He wanted to give Namjoon a proper meal when he woke up.

By the time Namjoon woke up, he could smell meat and other flavors coming form the kitchen. His mouth watered and his stomach growled.

He was so hungry.

It's been days since he had something other than water.

Before he could go back to sleep the door to his room opened and Jimin and Jungkook stood there with smiles.

"Thank goodness you are awake! Jin grilled meat!"

"Come on!" Jungkook ran over and grabbed Namjoon's arm and started to pull him from his room.

Namjoon winced when Jungkook grabbed his wrist, but he was lucky that neither Jungkook or Jimin noticed.

But, what Namjoon hadn't realized was that when Jungkook grabbed his wrist, he was able to feel how thin it was.

During dinner all Jungkook could do was think about Namjoon and stare at him.

Namjoon didn't notice as he was too preoccupied panicking over the large plate of food in front of him.