"it's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And whe...
PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG AS IT RELATES THE STORY LINE IN THIS CHAPTER
LYRICS
If I had the momentI'd capture that momentYou would be right here next to meIf I had the secretThe secret to your loveI would pledge a treasure beneath my heartLock it all upAnd throw away the keyI would never give it up'Cause I was just a foolA fool for youWhen I loved you so childishlyAnd I want it all backI want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all backI want it all backI want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it allYou never miss a good thing till it's gone,I want it all, now I want it all backIf there is a green lightAnd it starts to turn yellowPedal to the floor'Cause I know your heart is turning redIf I had the minutes, I would turn 'em into hoursAnd make love to your mind and not your body insteadI was just a fool, a fool for youThat didn't know what I had until I lost youAnd every single moment that you're not hereYou said the evident to me that everything just seems so clearAnd I want it all back(I gotta have it all)I want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all backI want it all backI want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it allYou never miss a good thing 'til it's goneI want it all, now I want it all backNow everything isn't everythingIf everything, everything isn't with youAnd I want it all backI want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all backI want it all backI want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it allYou never miss a good thing 'til it's goneWant it all, now I want it all backNow I want it all back, now I want it all backNow I want it all back
It is currently the next day, I came back to the dorm, locked the dorm and texted kat not to come. I cried all night last night and when i woke up i feel dried tear stains on my cheek, all i can right now think about is chris, could he really do that to me, i mean there were so many hint, when he shook his head to ally at the part, why he never wanted me to hang out with James, because he might of won losing my virginity, its disgusting to even think this, and the most important hint was when chris kept the sheet that had blood on it from that night, i mean how could he.
I got an email back from another college and it is possible to transfer me there and all my grades will come along, i am so ready to start a new life, and start off clean.
I decided i go to the lake knowing the lake gives me peace. I need to relax my mind a little. i have been crying all night that i need to start fresh, also my mind, needs to start fresh, thats more important.
As i catch the bus and walk my way to the lake i see all the memories coming back to my head, again, did chris really love me. i sit on the deck and cross my legs, It's somehow very cold so i close my eyes, and that when i felt something warm next to me as i open my myes i look at chirs and he looks at me with a tear rolling down his right cheek, he passes me the diary that he had written in all this time, as he passes me the diary he gets up and before he leaves he says, "Rih, i will always love you, i never meant to hurt you, i love you". and walks off. i start to tear up and touch the hard cover of the black diary and open the diary
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The book with his beautiful link writing, such beautiful writing. i start reading the whole diary...
Rihanna Fenty, The most beautiful woman on this planet, what can i say words cant even describe how beautiful you are, I am writing this to let you know that i love you, and i dont want you to ever leave, I started writing this diary for you, my first word i wrote was in this diary was because i love you, i wanted to express my guilt and my happiness on the diary. So what i am trying to say is when i felt the love i have for you i started writing in this diary.
when i first met you, imma be honest, i thought you would be the uptight snob, but i guess i was wrong, because your the most amazing woman i have ever laid eyes on. I know my first impression wasn't a very good start, i didn't talk much because i was hurting, my life was fucked up and everything was dark, but now that i think about it you where the one to light up my world. Rih, baby, you are my light.
when you entered your dorm and you saw me sitting there, i was being a total jerk, i was being a jerk even at the party, i made a stupid bet, that i am scared to tell you about because i have strong feelings for you, im in love with you Rihanna Fenty, and now i'm afraid how will i tell you about this, i can't say turn the bet off, they will think i'm some type of pussy so i'm doing it, but i keep thinking why am i hurting the girl i fucking love, i know i love you and im still doing this ugly ass shit behind your back, i know you have no right to forgive me, shit, how will i forgive myself. I am hoping they won't say a word. Riahnna but when we hanged out and hanged out, i felt some way, something different, you were different then the other girls, you were too perfect. I started to catch feelings for you, and you know, i told you how scared i was of love, i started telling you everything because i trusted you, you are the only one i have trusted and will forever trust, Rihanna every day i feel more and more love for you i cant lose you, but i know someday i will....
Now you have found out, found out how much i broke the girl i love, how could i do that, to the girl of my dreams, i feel stupid, annoyed, and i know you cant ever forgive me but please hear me out, rihanna fenty i love you, i fucking love you rihanna, im crying right now writing this and im completely blacked out, i dont know what im doing, and i know one think you deserve so much better, Aubrey treated you better than me.
im sorry rih, for hurting you, breaking you, but something that will be hard for me will be to forget someone who gave me so much to remember. I'm sorry once again. i Hope we can restart because the love i have for you will never fade away. I'm too in love with you, and i need you.
- Chris Maurice
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Finishing reading the story of our life was just wow, couldn't stop flipping the pages, the whole diary with 418 pages now thats a lot of pages, reading it just put me through tears the whole diary it talks about our ups and down, this is a story about us. Is it weird i still feel love for chris, after what he did to me.
Chris, i dont know what you've done
what do i do... I think it's too late...?
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FINISHED, this book is completed, ahhhh this is soooo exciting, sorry for the tragic ending, but if ya'll want a book two i am so ready for it, Book 2 is already sorted out, but thats only if ya'll want a book 2.
