S.O.S Society of survivors

36- Deserving love

Allison's pov

My heart was still pounding in my chest.
I couldn't say anything. I was shaking slightly.

My mind kept replaying it. The way he looked. He was pale and in pain. The way he looked at me before he died. His breathing stopped. He saved my life. Twice.
And in return I took his.

We walked up to the gate. We just stood there in silence. Kirsten still had tears rolling down her face. Riley was quiet.

"What are we gonna say?" Riley asked.
" We tell them what happened" I answered.
My voice cracked. Dang it. I hugged myself
Don't cry. Not now. I've been doing good so far.

I shook my head and opened the gate.
As we walked in I noticed that I still had the knife in my hand. It still had blood on it. His blood.

As we got closer I could hear voices.
" Hey look! They're back! " Zach. Oh god.
What's he gonna say. They were his best friends.

A group soon surrounded us.
Happy faces, smiling and laughing.
But they wouldn't be smiling for much longer.

Zach was the first to ask " Where's Mike and Justin? " Kirsten started crying.

" Guys what happened? " Lila. I looked at her and shook my head.

The world had gone silent.

" What does that mean? "
Zach asked. I looked down at the ground.
"Allison look at me."

" Allison. "

" Allison tell me what happened! "

" Just tell me what happened! Allison! "

Zach was starting to make me mad.

" Allison just spit it out already! "

I snapped " Fine! Since you're so stupid I'll tell you what happened! Mike and Justin DIED! They're gone! They're gone and we couldn't save them! "

"What happened?" Miley asked quietly .

Riley was the one to answer
" we were gathering supplies in a small shop, we were getting ready to leave when we noticed a massive group of zombies outside. We decided to go out one by one and then come back here. Ally and Kiki were the last ones when Kiki got stuck.
Ally didn't want to leave her so she tried to help. The herd eventually started making their way to us and Kiki was still stuck. "

She paused to take a breath.

" Justin tried to hold back the zombies while I fought a few. Mike and Ally helped Kirsten. When we finally freed her Mike went to help Justin. They killed some zombies but Justin was being dragged into the herd.
After that we soon learned that Mike had been bite. Ally put him down. "

Everyone was silent. Even the wind stopped blowing.

Finally Zach spoke " so it's your fault they're  dead. "

This caught me off guard. " sorry what? "

Zach's face scrunched up in anger " I said it's your fault they're dead! You could be helped Justin, you could saved him! "

Zach stepped closer to me, Axel and Jordan held out their arms to stop him from getting closer.

" If you hadn't killed Mike we probably could have helped him! We could have saved him! But you decided to kill him! "

Now I was really mad " Don't you think we tried!? We tried so hard to help him! If I didn't have to kill him I wouldn't have! "

" How do I know you wouldn't just kill him even if he wasn't bitten! For all we know you're lying! "

I sighed in disbelief " Why would I LIE to you about this! "

Zach pulled in his hair some " I know  you're lying! You always lie! I know you are! "
"Zach you have to believe me I didn't want to kill him!"

He looked at me and I could see the rage in his eyes " Why should I believe you!? "

" BECAUSE I LOVED HIM! "

Everyone froze. Bach's face turned red and seemed only to get madder.
" You loved him. " he said in a monotone voice. " You don't know what love is. You've never been loved and you never will be. "

I looked up at him then to the ground

He continued " Do you want to know why. Because every person who ever cares for you in the smallest way always ends up dead.

Your dad died and so did Emma. Now Mike's dead and it's your fault!
Your mother was right. "

I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

" You really are a monster. A parasite that deserves to spend the rest of its days alone in agony. But I guess your whole life is the definition of agony. You don't deserve love, you don't deserve anything. Just go feed yourself to the zombies, then you can become the monster you truly are. "

"Zach!" I heard Jordan tell at him.

" No Jordan. He's right, after all who could love a monster like me. " with that I turned and walked away toward the woods. No one stopped me. I walked into the woods and found a place to sit.

I was frozen. I felt the tears in my eyes.
I remember every thing she said to me. I remember.

Flashback.

" mommy! Mommy there's a monster in my closet! "

My mother walked in my room, lighting a cigarette and blew smoke. I coughed a little bit but not to where my mom would hear.

" The only monster in your room is yourself. "  I hugged myself tightly " but I saw it move in the closet. "

My mom rolled her eyes and blew another puff of smoke. " Well let's hope it eats you then. One less problem I have to pay for. "

Tears started to form in my eyes " You wouldn't be sad? "

She laughed and smiled " of course not! I would be overjoyed! Your death would be the only happy thing that could ever happen to me. "

Tears fell down my face. My mom looked at me with anger. " What did I tell you about crying!? "

I curled up into a ball.
She walked over to me " What did I say! "

I whispered " monsters like me don't get to cry"

She nodded and blew one last puff of smoke in my face. She turned and opened the door.

" do you love me? " I asked before she left.

She turned around and faced me " You don't deserve love. " and she left.
Left me all alone staring out my window up at the stars. "