Red vs Blue Short Stories/OneShots

Motherfucking Ghost (Church x Reader)

Prompt: “Don’t tell me how to live my life.” “You’re a ghost.”

“New target acquired.” Sheila says as the barrel of the tank locked onto Church. You were next to Tucker when it happened. “That's not a target. That's Church.” Caboose says. “Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man!” Church says.

‘I should try and move him out of the way before he gets killed.’ You thought. You walk over to Church's side and start tugging on his arm to move him. “Target locked.” Sheila says. “What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady.” Caboose started yelling from the tank cockpit.

“Firing main cannon.” Sheila said. You felt Church push you away as the tank bullet flew towards him. “Uh oh…” Both Caboose and Tucker say. “Fuck. Church!” You yelled. “What? Oh, son of a bi-” Church says getting shot.

A few days later, you were behind the base while Tucker and Caboose made the call to Command. “Stupid Church dying. Fucking Caboose had to be behind the wheel of the tank. I probably would’ve been better because I wouldn’t kill my own teammates.” You muttered kicking the ground.

“I don’t know if I should feel better hearing if you were behind the wheel instead of Caboose. I’m just glad you didn’t die.” A familiar voice says. Turning your head, you see the ghostly white figure of Church. “But how!? You should be dead. Not this ghost thing.” You practically yelled.

“Shush! Keep your voice down. Look, I thought I died too. But life decided to give me another chance in the hell of a canyon. The only good thing here is you.” Church says. “Fuck this ghost shit. Maybe we could haunt the living daylights out of not only Tucker and Caboose, but the Reds too!” You said.

“Don’t tell me how to live my life!” Church says. You scoffed. “You’re a ghost. A motherfucking ghost. I never even thought ghosts were even real.” You said. “Well get used to it. I could possess you right fucking now and shoot Tucker. He literally is calling Command and they’re sending Tex.” Church says.

“You mean the freelancer you were dating?” You asked. Church nods. “Fuck. And I was there at Sidewinder. She’s a badass and the Reds won’t stand a chance against her.” You said. “Not to mention her A.I as well.” Church adds. “Whelp. Guess all we can do is confront the idiots and soon Tex. I’ll shoot them for you though.” You said.

Church chuckles. “I’d love to see you do that. But, let’s get the flag back first. Those Reds got lucky.” He says. You nod and pretty soon, Church was explaining to Tucker and Caboose as to why freelancers are bad. But, that still didn’t get through to them as Tex gets captured by the Reds.

“I fucking told them to not get Tex involved!” Church says to me. You rolled your eyes as you take the sniper rifle and look at Red Team’s base. “You’d think she’d kick their asses and leave by herself. Seriously, some freelancer she is.” You grumbled.

“Is someone jealous?” Church teased. “You’re lucky you’re a ghost. I would wipe that smirk off your face if you tried to tease me like Tucker did.” You said. “At least I’m not a pervert trying to hook up with every girl I see.” Church says with his hands up in defense.

“If Tucker heard us right now, he’d try to plead his case on why he’s so into chicks. If anything, I feel like he’d be into more than just chicks. I’ll be surprised if he bangs with an alien.” You said. “That’s fucking messed up. Who’d fuck an alien? Tucker has to be smarter than that.” Church says.

“10 bucks says that he bangs and alien and fucks up with his first chance using a sniper rifle.” You challenged. “You’re on. Now lets go save Tex from the Reds.” Church says. You nod and you two head into the base.