Red vs Blue Short Stories/OneShots

One And The Same (Simmons x Blue! Reader)

Requested by: Mackncheese12

“Church, it isn’t wise to have your finger on the trigger of the sniper rifle.” You said. Church groans. “Shut the fuck up. Both you and Tucker are getting on my nerves. Tucker with his fucking pervert mind and your smart nerd talk.” He says.

“Its not smart nerd stuff. Its, logical common sense being passed on to my fellow companion.” You said. “I’m gonna have to agree with Church on this one. You are a big nerd, Y/n. Bigger than my dick. Bow Chicka Bow Bow.” Tucker says. “Fuck you.” You said leaving the cliff ledge.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Church called out. “Somewhere without you fucktards.” You called back. Stomping away, you find yourself in a cave. You stop and plop down on to the cave floor and lean against the wall. Closing your eyes, you listen to the ambient sounds of the cave.

Except the sound of footsteps coming your way. You quietly get to your feet and raise your gun. Rounding the corner, you jump out and face the person. He screams and backs himself into the wall. “Fuck!” he says. You cocked your head only to realize it was a Red.

“What are you doing here?” You asked. He gets up hesitantly and looks to you.  “I usually come here to get away from Grif. The fat ass got me in trouble by telling Sarge I was going to go to the fucking Vegas Quadrant. Why are you here?” The Red asks.

“Similar to your case but instead, Church and Tucker were saying I was, and I quote ‘Being a smart nerd.’ Its common sense to not have your finger on the trigger of a sniper rifle if you’re only looking through the scope.” You said. “I’m Simmons, by the way.” Simmons introduced.

“Y/n. You think it’s a coincidence that we’re both here standing in this cave talking about our teammates?” You asked. “I don’t know. I always wonder why we’re here in this box canyon. If my team were to pull out and your team were to move into Red Base, you guys would have two bases in a box canyon. Whoop de fucking do.” He says.

“That makes sense. From what I could tell, neither side is winning and from the looks of it, the longest fucking stalemate ever.” You said. Simmons nodded in agreement. A few minutes of silence until you broke it. “So, want to meet up here and have a truce or something?” You asked.

Simmons shrugged. “Honestly, I think I’d rather talk to you than Grif. There are so many things I could tell you about him that he does.” He says. “When we leave the cave, we need to make it convincing that we’re still enemies. I already know what I’m going to say.” You said.

“Really? I’ll just say what I’ve always said to you Blues.” Simmons says with a chuckle. The two of you emerge from the cave and turned to each other. “Suck it Red!” You said. “Suck it Blue!” Simmons says. You both laugh a little and went back to your respected bases.

As it turned out, when you two find yourselves stuck in a room full of teleporters later on, trying to find O’Malley got even more difficult. Especially when you and Simmons had to pretend to hate each other because your teams expected that from you. Except Caboose.

Nonetheless, you all somehow get back to Blood Gulch and the secret gets out. “Simmons! What have I told you about fraternizing with the enemy!” Sarge says. “I can’t believe Y/n hooked up with the Red nerd!” Tucker says. “Fuck off. If I like Simmons, its probably because he and I understand each other.” You said. “Simmons is your best friend! Now we both have best friends!” Caboose says.

“You know, I never thought that the two biggest nerds in this canyon would get together.” Grif says. You shake your head and turn to Simmons as he’s being put down by Sarge. You proceed to walk up to Sarge and down right slap him. Church and Tucker started laughing while everyone else started backing up.

Sarge looks at you and raises his shotgun. “You dirty Blue. First you entrance my second in command and now you slap me? You have another thing coming, dirtbag.” Sarge says. “We should all calm down and talk this out. I’m sure Y/n didn’t mean to hit you Sarge-” Doc gets cut off by you scoffing.

“Oh, I meant to do that. I’ve been meaning to bring this up ever since Simmons and I have talked to each other about how we’re both poorly treated on our teams. Just because you view us as some ‘nerds,’ we’re still like you guys.” You said.

“We mostly make fun of you two because your reactions are hilarious.” Grif says. You groaned but Simmons put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Maybe it’d be better if we leave them alone until everything settles.” Simmons whispers in your ear. You nod and the two of you quietly leave the group and head to where it began: the cave.