Red vs Blue Short Stories/OneShots

Antique

Caboose: I broke something.

Tucker: Caboose! I told you not to touch a fucking thing!

Caboose: Yeah, I don't remember you saying that.

Tucker: Bull fucking shit. I said it right before we got here.

Caboose: C.T said it to me but because he's dead, I touched it.

Tucker: We're trying to recover antique artifacts so people like C.T can't try selling them off.

Caboose: Antique. What does that mean?

Grif: It means its ancient.

Simmons: Grif, that's not what it means.

Grif: Like you would know, nerd.

Lopez: Antiguo significa pertenecer a la antigüedad. (Antique means belonging to ancient times.)

Everyone looks to Lopez confused.

Lopez: ¿Por qué me molesto en hablar con estos idiotas? (Why do I even bother talking to these idiots)

Lopez walks off.

Caboose: I'm going to go find something else.

Tucker: No you're not. Carolina said that we should do this so we don't get wrapped up into another crazy adventure.

Grif: Now that's something I can agree with. As much as I enjoyed Huggins and pizza, I'd rather not get involved in another thing.

Simmons: You're just saying that because you're so called science didn't work when Donut came out of the lake.

Grif: Where is Donut anyways? He was with us a few minutes ago.

Tucker: He left. You heard him say that he was going to explore on his own when we were at the hospital on Chorus.

Caboose: And Red Sargent isn't here too!

Tucker: Shut the fuck up Caboose.

Simmons: Where is Sarge?

Grif: Why do you want to know? Trying to fulfill your kiss ass duties?

Simmons: No, you'd think he'd be here trying to kill you with a giant falling boulder.

Grif: Then I'm glad he isn't here then.

Caboose: I could help with that.

Caboose raises his gun and points it at Grif.

Grif: I'm good! I don't need helping.

Tucker: Caboose, put your gun down and just stay still.

Caboose lowers his gun and Grif sighs in relief.

Simmons: Why don't we finish this up so we could relax. If we can't find any other artifact that hasn't been broken by Caboose, then we just leave.

Tucker: If Caboose broke the only thing here, then we'll need to find something to bring back. We can't come back empty handed.

Grif: Well, the people who asked us to do this should've expected there to be more broken artifacts then intact artifacts.