Red vs Blue Short Stories/OneShots

The Kittens

Iris was a moon that Kimball thought would be a great place for the Reds and Blues to stay after ending the war on Chorus and stopping Charon Industries as well. Despite losing Church, they were all ready for a break. But one paranoid soldier couldn’t think of how to relax and started to pull a trick from Carolina’s book.

He trained.

Much to his friends’ discretion, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to happen the moment he starts to relax. Keeping himself busy soon gave him dark circles under his eyes. And every now and then, Carolina would spar with Wash just to satisfy his need to stay in shape.

Tucker came over to Carolina with a worried tone laced in his words. “Wash hasn’t been himself lately. Do you know why he’s been acting like this?” he asked. Carolina was surprised to hear Tucker say something like that as she figured the first few weeks were normal. But Tucker had a point.

“He’s doing the same thing I did back in Freelancer. Except for a different reason. I trained excessively to keep my number one spot on the leaderboard. I also trained to clear my head whenever Tex angered me. But Wash, Wash isn’t doing this because he wants to. He’s scared that one of us will die and that he wasn’t able to protect us. He cares that much about us.” She says knowingly.

“When you put it like that, it makes you sound like you had anger issues that were solved with training. But there has to be a way to get Wash to relax, even if its for a day.” Tucker says. “During Freelancer, Wash told North and York stories about his cat back home. York told me these stories whenever I had leisure time with him.” Carolina said.

“So why don’t we get him a cat? He might relax if we get him a cat or something similar to a cat.” Tucker says. “I highly doubt we can find a cat on this moon, much less in space.” Carolina says. “You’d be surprised at what happens when we fill Caboose’s head with an idea.” Tucker says.

So with that, the two went in search of Caboose. Sarge was driving a Warthog, yelling incoherent words at Lopez. Simmons was at the base setting up some kind of technology. And then Donut was trying to give Grif a manicure and a pedicure, despite the orange soldier’s protests.

By the time the teal/aqua soldiers found Caboose, Carolina started to have doubts about the idea. “Hey Caboose! We need you real quick!” Tucker shouts. “OKAY!” Caboose yells. He falls off the cliff he was on and makes his way towards the two. “You wanted to see me?” Caboose asked. “Do you-” Carolina started while turning to Tucker “Know where to get Wash a cat?” she finished.

“Agent Washingtub needs a cat? Freckles and I found a bunch of kitties yesterday while exploring. I will take you to them, but only if Carolina will make me some cookies.” Caboose says. The two exchange a look but Carolina sighs. “Fine. I’ll make you cookies.” She turns and starts walking away. “Tomorrow morning, gather everyone so Caboose and Freckles can show us these kittens he found.” Carolina says.

“Okay.” Caboose says. Tucker is soon left with him as Carolina left. “Dude, how the fuck did you find kittens here? We’re in fucking space on a fucking alien moon.” Tucker says. “Yeah, Freckles said something similar to that but he said that it was because they were sent into a spaceship that landed here. Then they made this their home away from home!” Caboose says. Tucker sighs.

It took a few hours of coaxing the following day but, Carolina finally heard Wash sigh. “Fine. I’ll go just this once. For Caboose.” He says. Carolina may or may not have lied to him a little just to convince him. Tucker told her that she might have to lie just so that he would come. Why she listened to Tucker is beyond anyone’s judgment.

Once Carolina and Wash join up with everyone else, Caboose lead the way. Every now and then, Wash would yawn showing how much sleep he’s been losing. But despite that, he kept himself from falling asleep and becoming sluggish during the trek to who knows where.

“Caboose? Are you sure you remember where you and Freckles found them?” Tucker asked. Caboose makes a sound similar to a scoff. “Of course I do, stupid Tucker. Uh, Freckles? How much farther?” Caboose asks. Since they haven’t rebuilt his Mantis body, he was still an A.I in Caboose’s gun. “We are almost there, Captain Caboose.” Freckles said.

“See? Freckles says we are close. Great job Freckles!” Caboose says. “Thank you Captain Caboose.” Freckles replied. With that, they continued walking until Caboose stopped. Everyone looked around to only see trees and bushes rustling in the breeze.

“There ain’t nothing here. Tucker said that this ‘ere walk was for Agent Wash. I have better things to do and this ain’t one of them.” Sarge says. “I hate to agree with Sarge but, I could’ve been taking a nice nap right now but I was dragged into this. Seriously, doesn’t anyone think about how amazing sleeping is? It’s the best thing to exist besides food.” Grif says.

“You guys never even realized that Wash was hurting himself training constantly. This was something that Carolina and I came up with to help Wash relax.” Tucker said. Wash froze in surprise at Tucker’s words. They came all this way for him?

“Tucker, I-” Wash starts but is cut off by the bushes rustling. Everyone took out their guns and waited for whatever it was that was coming. “Mew.”

Caboose went forward and picked up the creature that made the sound. “Hello Mr. Fluffles. Agent Washingtub wants to see you.” Caboose says. He turns around and everyone sees an actual kitten that came from Earth. An orange tabby.

“Why in Sam Hell is there a kitten on Iris?” Sarge asked. Wash walked towards Caboose and took the kitten into his arms. “Awe. He’s so cute!” Wash says. “Where did you get this kitten, Caboose?” Carolina asked. “Oh I found him and his family and his friends near a spaceship that they have been living in since they landed on here. Mr. Fluffles wanted to meet everyone so he told Freckles and I told bring you guys here.” Caboose says.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but, good job Caboose. Wow, that felt weird coming out of my mouth.” Tucker says. While Wash was petting Mr. Fluffles, more kittens came and went straight to Wash. He was soon sitting on the ground with a bunch of kittens crawling on him and climbing on him.

Seeing as he didn’t hear Caboose, he asked the simple question. “Where did all these kittens come from?” Wash asked. The joyous tone in his voice proved that Wash was enjoying this. Tucker quickly said a short version of Caboose’s words. Wash nods while still admiring the kittens.

“Well Carolina, mission accomplished. Wash is better now.” Tucker says. “I guess. I wonder what else we’ll find here besides these kittens.” She says smiling towards a happy Wash. At least today she knows that he’s smiling and relaxed.