Nightshade Princess of Shadows ( A Nightmare Before Christmas Fanfic)

Life and Death

Death isn't really a reclusive thought for me. Actually dying isn't even a bad thought. I should know, I've tried killing myself multiple times but not for the reasons you think. I should have died long ago but I'm still here and what for? I've spent my whole life wondering what I am, where I came from but there's no traces of anything that could possibly help me understand.

I lived in a children's home until i was around five in body but twenty in age. The woman of the orphanage said I was found on the edge of a wood. One of the other girls brought me here but the girl most likely left the home years ago.

They thought I had this decease that you're born with that effected your growth. I've heard of some people living in the body of a four year old but the difference with me was i kept growing but at a much slower pace. I also didn't have any health issues the the other people with my "condition" had but I did look a little odd. I look more than odd now though.

I didn't know exactly who they were or maybe I just forgot but these people grew very interested in my condition. It all went downhill from there. Needles, tubes, tests, "attempted" surgeries! I finally understood what they were doing and I had to get out. I remember it being so easy. A huge building with lots of staff. Whenever someone came by I hid in a dark corner. Maybe it was how small I was that no one noticed my escape but I didn't put much thought in it at the time.

I was free.

I didn't know what my freedom would cost.

That hospital dress was the last dress I wore. I've lived in many homes but didn't stay long before anyone got curious. And sometimes I slept on the street. I've also had my share of other sleeping courters such as old musiums, colleges, theaters and my favorite....libraries.

Most of the time I spent reading, day and night it seemed. I never really felt tired before. I usually just took a little nape sometimes. It's a very carious thing that no one has cought me yet but I guess I should be grateful for that.

I haven't just stayed in one place though. I've traveled a great deal.

I first left London for Ireland and Scottland. There was nothing but beauty and the air, oh I loved it. The weather was just the way I liked it.Fogy, not cold but a chilly wind blowing.

I never really wanted to stay in one place for very long. I never had a home. My body was around thirteen now and I was in Paris. I saw all the sites but there was one thing that I regretted by going there.

It was late and I was on the street. I didn't sleep so I just stood there looking at the ground. This gang of young men which seemed to be coming back from a night out drinking approached me. I think they misunderstood me as a prostitute and wanted to take me with them. I refused but they instantly became violent and where going to....to... But they lifted the hood I was wearing to see my face. They dropped me on the ground, saying profanities as they left. I was for once thankful to be ugly but after that I began thinking.

No one would love me.

And that's were my attempts of suicide began. I've tried everything. Don't worry, nothing worked and I didn't feel any pain. Actually not even a chainsaw could penetrate my skin. So I just gave up and dealt with the fact that no one would love me. But there were many reasons why no one could so I got used to it.

So I started masquerading myself as a boy. It was much safer that why. Who am I to impress anyway. But it's not like I'm not interested in anyone at all. Yes I'm a girl and we have these feelings but I have to push them down because I know it will never happen.

I'm in America now. Taking residence in a library. God I love the smell of old books. It's like all of history and literature doesn't have to just be read. But I don't just all read. A lot of times I sneak into theaters and watch movies and plays. I only like going outside at night or on not so sunny days. It's just always hasn't felt right going out in broad daylight. It makes me feel unconfertable. I guess I do have sorts of hobbies. I like drawing and I guess what girl doesn't like singing but I only do it when I know I'm alone.

One time the librarian heard me singing, thank god her eccentric mind made up a story of the library ghost.

I had to laugh at that. Was I like the Phantom of the Opera? It made me feel proud that I was similar to that iconic figure.

I learn whatever I can, I want to know everything it seems. The library has computers and I sometimes go on them. I've read every comic, seen every movie.

It's a wonder how much changes over the years. I think I'm about seventy now. My body looks about sixteen to me. I don't think my bodies the best looking. Lanky but still I'm pretty short. Don't have much of any hips or chest but I guess that helps with my disguise. I never really had much hair either. Very thin and the only colors ever in it were grey and white. I just tucked it in my hat.

If I am a human I swear I'm an albino with my paper white skin. Thin nose, lips and face. And white irises. I've never seen anyone with eyes that are white but then again I might not be human. And those aren't even the features of me that make me mortifying.

About ten years ago my skin stared to peel. It didn't hurt but gradually my skin has been chipping away. Underneath it looks like tissue made out of spiders webs. My bones also began to ache and every day it seems to be getting worse. I had a thought that I might be dying.

I haven't spoken to anyone in over fifty years and I wasn't going to start now. Humans were not to be trusted until you knew they could be and I didn't have patience for that. Medical help was not an option.

I've looked at every possibility to what I am. Vampire, Fey, demon, zombie or even just dead, the list is endless.

No family to ask.

No friend to confide in.

It's just me.