Autumn Leaves

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

     Few days right after we had arrived in the Philippines, I had gone several times with Jordan at the bar - even walking around the beach. There were some occasional disturbance from Diane and the other two - well, actually most of the time - so I had to find a lot of excuses to tell Jordan. The three of them made me feel like their little sister that no one should just talk to without their permission. Even Trevor kind of did the same too. I bet Diane told him so.

     I took a shower and got out after lunch. It was already 1 in the afternoon and the group had asked me to go swimming. I told them I never wear bikinis and such and that I was practically full but they said it's okay since 'I wasn't the only one'. I agreed eventually but insisted not to wear two-piece bikinis.

     Apparently, Diane really wanted me to wear one because the moment I got my robe on and got out of the bathroom, every single possession that I have wasn't anywhere to be found and that there was a black bikini laid down on my bed. I swear in that very moment, I wanted to call 911 to kill me or bury me alive.

     "Paige? Are you still there?" Trevor's voice from the other side of the door snapped me out of my hopelessness and wore the thing immediately.

     "Y-yes. J-just a second," I replied. My heart was starting to pound loudly on my chest. I was starting to get anxious on how this thing would look on me. I went back to the bathroom to see how it is and I've never seen myself with a lot of skin exposed in my whole life before. I have fair skin that needs a little more tan, stomach that needs a little more sit-ups and crunches, thighs that needs a little more run.

     Despite on how I looked like, there was a part of me that liked it as if I was free. But there's also this part of me that says Andrea has a better ass or Diane has nicer boobs or that Sara has a flatter stomach. I couldn't help but feel insecure.

     I paced out and ran to the door. I took a deep breath before twisting the door slightly open to peek at Trevor who was on the other side.

     "Paige?" He said. "Let's go."

     I just blinked at him. I still wasn't ready to go out looking like this. "Uh," I said, nervous.

     Trevor had a worried look on his face. "Are you okay?" He consulted, putting his hand on the door. "Should I come in?"

     My eyes widened and instantly stopped him from coming in. "Don't!" I exclaimed, making Trevor a little bit taken aback. I cleared my throat, "I-I mean - "

     "It's okay. Tell me whenever you're ready. I will wait." He assured as he locked his gaze with mine.

     "N-no! I'm ready." I said even aloud so that there was no going back for me now.

     "Well, then let's go - " he implored, trying to gently push the door open.

     My breath hitched in my throat as I felt the door move an inch.

     "Wait!" I protested and Trevor eventually stopped. "Please, you're the only one who's with me right now and I want you to be honest with me not because you don't want me to feel bad. I want you to be really honest unlike how would Diane say that I look amazing or whatsoever." I explained and sighed. "I mean, do you get my point?"

     Trevor smiled and gave his usual, heart-skipping stare. "Yes, I do." He answered with sincerity as his eyes twinkled in a different way.

     "I-I mean, I really have a low self-esteem and I - " I tried to add to express myself and so that I would feel more comfortable but Trevor had already pushed the door open and stepped inside.