𝐬𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐞 → 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬 (𝐢𝐢)

eighteen [s]

friday,
may 17th, 2020

SHAWN MENDES

At around 12am, I snap out of my daze, my heart surging with happiness and appreciation for the most amazing girl in the world.

Despite the late hour (or early, I guess) I grab my phone and immediately find my mum's contact. I dial her number, anxiously biting my nails as it rings. She answers on the tenth ring, groggily asking me if I'm alright.

"Mum, Mum!" I say excitedly and I hear her shuffle around. I hear what I think is a door shutting.

"Shawn, what is it? Are you alright love?" she frantically whispers.

I nod, though she can't see me, "I'm the best I've been in a long time."

"Yeah? Why's that?" I can hear her smile.

I start by telling Mum about leaving the Met Gala early and searching for a cab in the rain. I recite that night's events in detail, listening to the occasional hum or murmur of agreement from the other end of the line. I then tell her all about tonight and how Trinity showed up at my room unexpectedly, and how she's willing to give me another chance.

There's nothing but silence for a solid thirty seconds after I finish talking.

"Mum?" I ask, confused.

"Babes..." she breathes, emitting a low chuckle, "I'm over the moon for you! I'm so, so happy for you honey. You cannot mess this up, you hear me? That poor girl is too precious to have her heart broken by you again."

I grin widely, chuckling, "I won't, Mum. Fuck, I'm so excited! I'm confident in showing her I've changed, I really am. I want to spend my entire live with her."

Mum laughs at me instead of scolding me for my language, "That's great, baby. I hope you treat her better this time around. I know you will, you've matured brilliantly, lovey."

"I definitely will," I respond confidently, "M'sorry I woke you. I just needed to tell you."

Mum scoffs, "Don't be silly! I'm glad you rang me first. I'll be sure to tell your father first thing tomorrow. When are you visiting?"

"Next weekend," I say, "I'm flying home early Sunday morning and I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off. I'll see you around Friday. Maybe I can stay over?"

"Of course," Mum chirps, "You can stay whenever you like, you know that hun."

"M'kay," I smile, absentmindedly picking at a loose threat at the hem of my shirt, "I'll let you go. Love you, Mum."

"I love you too darling," her soft voice speaks before I hang up, quite content with how my life has turned around tonight.

I sigh in ecstasy, ridding myself of my t-shirt and joggers and snuggling under the duvet. The hotel bed is surprisingly comfortable and I feel at ease as I sink into the pillow, clutching another close to my chest. I squeeze the memory foam pillow as I reminisce on what happened tonight.

An exhausted smile twitches at the corners of my lips, my heart beating out of my chest as thoughts of Trinity flood my mind.

***

"She's taking you back?" Brian asks, brows furrowed in confusion and disbelief tracing his tone.

He sits in the armchair at the corner of my hotel room as I sit up in bed, resting against the faux leather headboard. When I woke up an hour ago, I texted him immediately telling him to come over to my room as something crazy has happened. He obliged and was here within five minutes. I told him everything about last night, he already knows the story of the cab ride and my lovesick speech.

"Technically," I sigh, "No. Not yet."

"So... you need to show her that you've changed?" Brian hums.

I nod, "Well, yeah. But it can't be that hard. Right? She'll take me back."

Brian seems to be pondering what I just said before he parts his lips to speak, "Bro, will she? I mean, you broke her trust. Not to mention, her heart. That's gotta be hard to fix. I don't think it's gonna be as easy as your mind has made it out to be. You need to really take things slow and regain her trust. A woman's trust is hard to earn once you've trampled it."

Doubt suddenly fills me up and my heart sinks to my stomach. I frown, pursing my lips and messing with my watch that sits strapped on my wrist. I clear my throat, my heart rate picking up speed significantly.

"You don't think she'll take me back..." I whisper, my stomach curling disappointedly.

"I didn't say that," the ginger points out, "I'm saying it'll be difficult. Are you up for the challenge? Because from what I've heard, Trinity is really gonna make you fucking work, man. Plus, you've got that festival run for four weeks during summer, are you going to have enough time on your hands to even try to win her back?"

"I'll always have time for her," I respond instantly, determined to make this work, "I appreciate your concern, but right now all you're doing is making me feel scared and hopeless."

"I'm not trying to do that," Brian says gently.

"Well shut up then!" I snap, standing from the bed and shoving my curls back with my fingers. Brian looks slightly shocked and I start to pace anxiously. "You're making me feel like shit. I know what I did wrong. I've been living with it for two years now, you don't need to remind me! But fuck, it hurts to think you have no faith in me. You don't seem to understand that when I think of my future, she's the one in it. I wanna live with her, I want to see her face every day when I wake up and every night when I fall asleep. I want kids with her. I want a life with her. I want fucking everything with her, and you don't seem all too supportive of that right now!"

It's silent for a minute.

"You want kids with her?" Brian repeats, smiling slightly.

"Yes I want kids with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, you dipshit," I spit, nerves running a mile but my heart fluttering at the thought.

With a sigh, Brian rolls his eyes impatiently and stands from the velvet armchair. He makes his way towards me and sets his hands firmly on my shoulders. My chest is heaving and my neck feels hot.

"I want you to be happy," Brian states, "If she makes you happy, you need to go for it. I'm just trying to make sure that you're truly invested in this. You hardly think I want you to break her heart again. You can not do that, for both of your sakes. So you need to straighten out your mindset and feel absolute positive about what you're getting yourself into. It'll be tough, and if you do this, I really hope it works out for you. Just please be sure. I'd hate to see you so broken again."

Realisation settles over me and I exhale deeply. He's just looking out for me.

"Sorry, B," I huff, turning around and threading a hand through my overgrown locks, "I'm just on edge. I want to see her again. I want to start winning her over now. I'm not sure if it's too soon though."

Brian shakes his head, watching me chew on my fingernails, "It isn't too soon. You wanna start now? Start now. Go to her place. Buy her flowers or some shit. Girls love that. Show her how invested you are."

Show her how invested I am. I could definitely do that.

Maybe sooner rather than later.