𝐬𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐞 → 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬 (𝐢𝐢)

thirty-seven [s]

saturday,
july 6th, 2020

SHAWN MENDES

Pearson airport isn't all that hectic. There's a handful of fans waiting for me, but not many. Toronto fans are usually quite respectful, understanding that I'm home and sort of off the clock. (Even though I'm not ever really off the clock, per say.) Because of this, I don't need a security guard most of the time when I arrive home.

Since my luggage was flown home when the festival run ended in New York, all I have with me is my gear bag that stores my clothes from my stay with Trinity. Trin's flight is scheduled to land in Pearson at 5pm. Right now, it's around 12pm, so I have time to unpack and let the results sink in.

I take a quick few selfies with the fans and hug them individually before hurrying out to an Uber that Andrew organised for me. After greeting the driver politely, I pull out my phone, intending to text Mum and let her know I've landed safely but instead I see a text from Jade. A text she must've sent whilst I was in the air without service.

Jade Harlock:
  I contacted the clinic and had them send you your own results letter. Text me if you want to talk.

The message makes my blood run cold. I can't even estimate the results by her text. So straightforward and bland. My mind drives itself into a nervous wreck, brain whirling with thoughts and endless possibilities. Will the letter be there when I get home? Am I a father? Why else would I want to talk to her? Fuck. I feel my palms get sweaty and I close my eyes, carrying out a few breathing exercises my vocal coach taught me.

They don't work. I'm a mess by the time I stumble into the lobby of my condo complex.

I head straight for the mail station, fumbling with my keys and finding the tiny key that slots right into the letter box. I pull the little door open and feel my heart drop to my stomach when I see a lone envelope lying there, flat and bored. I gulp, grabbing it and turning it over. My name and address is printed on the front and a little sticker of the medical center's logo sits at the top corner. A confidential stamp lays front and center on the paper. I shut my box and lock it, shuffling over to the elevator and scratching at the corners of the envelope as I wait for the lift. When it reaches the ground floor I step inside, lamely entering my residential code and door number before leaning against the wall, feeling short of breath.

When I finally reach my floor, I head to my door and unlock it, falling inside and kicking the door shut. I drop my gear bag and toss my keys on the kitchen counter, strolling across my condo to take a seat at the edge of my sofa. I inhale deeply, close my eyes, and then exhale slowly. I shake my head, mentally bracing myself for the worst case scenario.

After just looking at the letter for another minute or so, I rip it open, scrambling to grab the paper from inside and unfolding it. There's a bunch of technical stuff printed on the sheet, which I don't pay much attention to. I skim my eyes over the majority of the letter, skipping straight to the probability of paternity.

What I see has me feeling completely dazed.

***

Trinity:
  i'm outside. residential code?

Shawn:
  1969. Top floor.

"Christ..." I breathe, hand on heart as I pace the living room area, staring at the results in my hand.

I sink into the couch, bewildered. I start fidgeting with my fingers as I stare out the huge windows as the pool water ripples in the light breeze. The evening shadow provides the city with a cooler temperature rather than the warmth that casted over Toronto earlier today.

I get lost in my thoughts for a moment before a knock sounds throughout the condo. I gulp, standing up and rubbing my clammy hands on my joggers. I clear my throat, approaching the door and pausing with a hand on the doorknob before swiftly opening the door. Trinity stands there, a shy grin on her rosy lips and hair a wavy mess.

"Hey," I huff, offering my best smile and taking her overnight bag from her shoulder. I set it by the door, stepping aside and inviting her in.

I take my time in closing the door, slowly turning to face her. She glances up at me sadly, catching me off guard by engulfing me in a huge hug. I sigh, heart fluttering as I tightly entangle my arms around the most perfect woman on Earth. I close my eyes, stuffing my face into her neck and relishing in her wonderful aroma, getting lost in the way her hands caress my back.

"Do you wanna sit?" I ask softly.

Trin shakes her head firmly, "Not really."

"It's okay baby, c'mon," I whisper, squeezing her tightly before prying my arms off of her, slipping my fingers between hers instead and leading her to the couch.

Trinity and I sit down, knees touching as I face her. I lick my lips, staring at our hands before taking her free one in my free one and enclosing my fingers around her shorter ones. As I hold both of her dainty hands in mine, my heart races inexplicably fast, thumping against my chest so hard I wouldn't be surprised if she heard it.

"Um, your condo is really nice..." Trinity mumbles, looking around and taking it in.

I nod slowly, "Thank you. Listen..."

"Oh god," she mutters, stunning eyes filling up with tears, "Please don't say it."

"Hey," I whisper, moving my hands to cup her face, watching with a bursting heart as she nuzzles into my touch, "Listen to me."

"I'm scared," Trin whimpers, shutting her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows, "Fuck Shawn, I don't want to lose you again."

"I know," I soothe, a dull ache in my chest at the sight of her already so upset, "But you've gotta listen to me, okay honey?"

She shakes her head, squeezing her eyes tightly and a tear falls down her cheek. I swipe it away delicately and she begins to whisper helplessly, "I don't want you to say what I think you're gonna say."

"Trin—"

"Fuck, no," she pleads desperately, gripping my wrists.

My vision clouds over from seeing her so worried, "Darling please look at me. Please, Trinity."

With her puffy lips sucked inward, she opens her wonderful eyes, gazing up at me hopefully with teary irises. I shakily exhale, wiping away another tear that slips from her eye. A sorrowful smile curves upon my lips. I hate that I've made her feel this way when I haven't even told her the truth.

"Shawn, I..."

With a skip in my heart, I finally tell her the truth. My nerves diminish, an overwhelming feeling of intense anticipation coursing through my veins as I blurt out the one thing that I've never had to say aloud before today. The one thing that's been on my mind since I read the letter.

The one thing that has drowned me in the utmost relief.

"The baby isn't mine."

——
a/n;
hehehe you were all wrong & im so evil for worrying you <3