𝐬𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐞 → 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬 (𝐢𝐢)

twenty [s]

friday,
may 17th, 2020

SHAWN MENDES

Trinity and I sit at her tiny dining table, our knees inevitably touching under the table due to little space. Our glasses of red wine are perched beside our plates which are filled with strips of garlic butter steak and the baby potatoes. We've been eating for a few minutes now, and she has already complimented my cooking several times. Each time I feel pride course through my veins, and a blush cross my cheeks. Quite honestly, I'm fairly impressed with the meal as well. I've cooked it to perfection, thank God. It would've been awfully embarrassing if I overcooked or undercooked the steak, but thankfully Trinity likes her meat medium-well also.

"Seriously, this is incredible," she mutters with a hand over her mouth as she finishes chewing. She wraps her dainty fingers around the wine glass and brings it to her large lips to take a sip.

I chuckle, shaking my head and looking away from her to cut my steak, "As you've said."

"Mmm," Trinity hums a chuckle, "Think you'll need to cook for me more often."

My heart bursts. My hands freeze as I swivel my eyes up to meet hers. She's already looking at me, her tanned face resting in the palm of her hand whilst her other hand mindlessly uses the fork to grip some steak. She wears a timid smile, warming my pounding heart.

"You want that?" I ask, a smile dancing deviously on my lips. 

She hesitates, eyebrows scrunched as she seemingly searches her mind for a reply. I start to worry. Maybe she doesn't really want that.

"I'm scared, Shawn," she whispers, a furrow taking place between her brows as her tongue swiftly swipes her lush lips.

I frown, "Of what?"

She clears her throat, "I'm really scared to get close to you again. I'm gonna try, like you said, I'm invested too. But I need you to understand that it may take some time, because trusting you not to break my heart is terrifying to me, especially because of our past."

I feel my heart sink to my stomach. I glance down at my food, my appetite shrinking, "Oh..."

I'm not sure how to respond to that. I want to tell her not to be afraid, that I'm going to prove how much I love and value her. But the words don't come out, and I don't know where or how to start reassuring her.

I feel her soft hand rest atop my fisted one that lays on the table beside my plate. My eyes flicker upwards to meet her sorrowful gaze.

"Shawn, this isn't me telling you that I don't want us to work," she whispers, "because I do. I really, really do and I'm more than willing to take this step with you and let you show me how much you've changed for the better. I'm just... paranoid. I don't want to feel that heartache ever again, and I know you can't promise me that you won't hurt me, because people make mistakes, but—"

"Trinity," I breathe, clasping her smaller hand in both of mine, squeezing gently, "You're right; I can't promise I won't hurt you again. But I'm not going to break your heart like that again. That's a fucking promise, baby. We'll fight, and argue and have disagreements, but I'm never going to fuck you over like I did two years ago. Ever. I have changed, and I'm really eager for you to see that. I'm going to pour my heart in soul into us and work for your affection, and earn your trust again. I understand that you're probably feeling apprehensive and worried, but I need you to know that you're the one that I want. I don't feel that changing any time soon. Okay?"

The words flow freely from my heart that this girl fucking owns. I watch as tears cloud her mousse irises, gathering in her waterline. Her bottom lip folds under her top and slowly, a wonderful smile breaks out on her beautiful face and my heartbeat suddenly regains its quick speed. I offer a small, reassuring grin and Trinity goes to speak before cutting herself off, nodding her head slightly.