only yours | gxg

「17」

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P H A N T A S M A G O R I A

(n). A sequence of real or imaginary images like that seen in a dream.

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A spare hoodie sat on the arm of the couch, detailed with the letters 'Paradise' on the back. I noticed it was the same one I had found on Raven when I first saw her at university.

I pulled it over my body, making sure not to loosen the bandages wrapped around me, before patting down the creases.

Raven had brought me cookies - or, 'biscuits', to eat with the remainder of my tea. Apparently, she had told Ashley to come over to the given address, but hadn't detailed much about what had happened. I sat on the sofa, staring at the ceiling and chewing the bourbon biscuit between my teeth, awaiting my best friend's arrival.

Raven wrapped my old bloodied clothes into a plastic bag before tossing it out. Rather than having it washed, she insisted on buying me new clothes over the weekend, and that having my old ones washed for me would only bring bad memories whenever I'd wear it. I agreed silently, still unsuccessful in finding my voice.

She remained patient with me the entire night.

"I think it'd be good to talk to me," she suddenly said from across the room, walking over to me to sit beside me on the sofa. Raven maintained her distance, giving me space I wasn't even sure I wanted at the moment. I wanted someone to hold, someone to cry into and apologise profusely to for being a sturdy frame for a pathetic excuse of a being like me to rely on.

"It would be good to find your voice now since Ashley is the type of person to pester you until you respond." Raven spoke dryly, though a small smile grew on her face. "Let's find it, shall we?" she tilted her head to the side a little, awaiting my response.

I met her eyes, attempting to croak out a response as clearly as I could. "Yeah." I let out a meek agreement. Her smile grew a little larger.

"How was your morning?" she asked innocently, which immediately caused a smile to paint my face, completely eviscerating the dark mood I was suffocating in.

"I thought we hated small talk." I let out a soft giggle drawl through my croaky and raspy words. She pulled the cup of tea into her hands and placed it between mine, urging me to take a sip to soothe my pained throat.

"I'm realising that we need a bit of small talk to feel okay." she answered sincerely, still smiling. "It'll help you talk to me. I want you to talk to me." My smile stayed planted on my face at her honesty.

"My morning was... it was okay." I answered, cringing slightly at the thought of not being able to say anything else other than the most generic response I could think of. That was the issue with small talk.

"That's good." she leaned back into the sofa. Her relaxed mood was suddenly comforting me, pulling me into relaxation too. "Did you eat much today?"

"No." I beamed at her care, tender and patient. I had been told over and over again that Raven was not the caring type, and that sentiment had confused me from the beginning. She had been focused on me from the start, as if she could always see through me before we had even become acquainted.