The Dangers of Butt Dialing

e i g h t e e n

carla
jordan

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*please refer to the playlist (ghost town)*

"uh hey?"

"jordan."

"dont talk to me like that"

"i literally only said your name."

"it was the tone you used. like im a 4 year old misbehaving kid and youre the parent"

"im sorry."

"but why do i feel like youre not?"

"i dont intend to try and make you feel like that!"

"ok. so clearly it was a mistake to call you or actually screw that! it was a mistake to tell you about what happened"

"stop. just shut it"

"what!"

"im upset at you! ok?"

"why? its not like she was your girlfriend who used you?"

"because you hurt me!!"

"..."

"...i...uh"

"listen, i get that you just broke up with your girlfriend. i get that shit. but that gives you no right to say that anything that comes out of my mouth is bullshit"

"i-just. i uh i didnt uh mean to take um my anger out on you ok?"

"did you mean to say it?"

"what?"

"did you mean what you said?"

"no. of course not youre my friend."

"ok i forgive you. but that doesnt mean ill forget and youve got to understand that."

"i do."

"im sorry too. i said a couple mean things."

"i accept."

"so.....do you want a distraction? or do you just want to talk?"

"distract me a little. until im ready to talk."

"some people at school call me a bitch. i ignore people, im rude to them i guess. but thats only because they either are mean or theyre mean."

"oh. and how would your friends describe you?"

"im not sure...but youre my friend, why dont you tell me?"

"im not sure we have a very uh conventional relationship"

"haha i guess. we have conversations but theyre just on the phone and i definitely withhold things from you. im sorry im not a good friend"

"why do you keep saying sorry?"

"guilty consciences i guess?"

"guilty from what?"

"i um dont want to talk about that"

"about the person you murdered?"

"i think thats the first time i heard you laugh in the last however many minute."

"but also the fbi is listening so we dont talk about that"

"thanks for distracting me. i think im ready to talk"

"ok well im always here, ready to listen."

"thanks. so uh i guess i thought that grace and i were fine. but turns out that she was cuddling up to me so i could help her on essays and shit."

"not to sound like a therapist or anything but how do you feel about the way she used you?"

"um well ive already told you that people often percieve me as being smarter than i actually am and uh proceed to use me in order to succeed. and i guess i uh i dont know."

"if you could pick a phrase or a couple emotions to describe your emotions in the aftermath."

"oh um hopeless. heartbroken."

"you really liked her?"

"i thought she liked me for me"

"and not for your brain? or your smarts or whatever?"

"yea. and the realization is crushing. the fact that there will always people out there ready to use me feel like someone is dropping a boulder onto my chest."

"there are always exceptions. but i wont say that you wont meet people like that or shit. shit happens. things get fucked up. people are fuckers. i am not sure how to comfort you right now and maybe im not helping or ugh i dont know what im saying."

"thats alright"

"all that im trying to say is stay true to your character and dont ever let go ok? i mean if that makes sense"

"im gonna go now."

"no! youre not allowed haha. by the friendship law of carla, you are not allowed to leave this conversation."

"ha why?"

"because i have one more thing to say and then youre allowed to exit the convo"

"ok."

"EVERYONE and i mean everyone goes through shit they have their highs and lows. but you have to realize you are strong. that youll grow because of things like this. ok. dont look at this breakup as something that breaks your character."

"thank you. goodnight carla"

"sleep tight jordan."

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hehe bonus update!!! i reread the last 4 chapters and i am 100% going to have to rewrite this book because its not even good like. writing. i dont know how yall do it. also anyone remember when i said this book was gonna be like 30 parts? just kidding! maybe between 40-50 parts? its much longer than i want it to be :(( but i have made progress! so i will have to power through.
-lila