A Condemned Haven

Chapter 28

Jack pulled away after a quick goodbye and Clarke was once again left with her own thoughts. James walked out of his house with headphones in as he got to the mailbox. Clarke just watched him stand there, sifting through his mail. He looked unfocused as he hummed the words to whatever song he was listening to.

"Hey James!" His head turned up and he looked confused. When he saw it was Clarke a small smile popped up on his face. He looked across the street before jogging over and pulled his headphones out of his ears with one hand.

"Hey, just get back from your special outing with Jack?" The way James said it made it sound almost suggestive, but then again everything he said sounded that way.

"Yeah we went to the park. I needed to do some thinking and he knew exactly where to go."

"He took you to the bench, didn't he?" Clarke couldn't decipher the look on James face, but it didn't exactly seem like an 'I'm happy for you'.

"Yeah sorry I shouldn't have gone there." Clarke pulled Jack's jacket impossibly closer to her body as James' eyes flicked to it. He got a perplexed look on his face. Clarke was right she shouldn't have gone there, but at the end of the day no one owned that bench. She had every right to go there.

"No, it's okay really, it's just as much Jack's spot as it was Amy's and he can bring anybody he wants there. It's just weird for me you know. To see him moving on." Clarke knew that it would be. Amy was really the only girl in Jack's life before her and James was having to witness the changes going on around him, like his sister had been forgotten. It was how she felt about Brandon, like everybody had forgotten him.

"I know he might not say it a lot, to you or to me, but he thinks about her all the time. He gets this faraway looks in his eyes and it's like he's not even really there. I think he's doing better though, at least from what I can tell."

"Ever since he met you, he has been doing better. You should have seen him a couple of months ago, I was really worried about him. He carries around almost as much guilt as I do."

"Honestly neither of you should feel guilty. It's not like it was your choice, it was hers. I know you think you could have helped, but you guys didn't know."

"Yeah, but in the end, it doesn't really matter does it? You feel guilty about Brandon and that nothing to do with you." Clarke had never heard James say that he believed she was innocent and while he wasn't directly saying it, she understood what he really meant. He was right. There was nothing either of them could have done and yet they carried around the same guilt. In the end it didn't really matter.

"Yeah I do."

"The day you let go of your guilt will be the day I let go of mine." She would never be able to let go of her guilt until she found who really killed James and until then she would keep it close to her heart as motivation.

"We both might have to wait a while for that."

"Yeah I know." He didn't seem upset, just like it was a fact. The weight on their hearts would remain for a bit longer. It was a sad but true reality. One they had both long accepted.

She returned to her house which was pretty much eerily silent. Since Caroline had come to her defense, their father pretty much ignored both of them. Her mother tried everything in her power to make things less awkward, but even she couldn't do anything. Caroline had disappointed her father almost as much as Clarke did. It was a betrayal and her father didn't take those very well. Ever since then though, Caroline and she had been getting along better than ever. They talked in school and hung out in each other's rooms, almost like before Clarke got arrested. Caroline told her about the new guy Wren she was seeing. It wasn't her usual type, more nerdy than sporty but she really liked him. They had met in a tutoring session when she asked him for help on how to explain something to another student. Ever since then they had been meeting for coffee on the weekends to talk about the book Caroline had been writing in her free time. Clarke tried to get more information on what it was about, but she refused to give anything up.

Clarkes life had finally gotten to a point that she could actually enjoy it. Jack and she were good friends, James was slowly becoming her friend, her sister was actually talking to her, and she felt as though she was getting closer to finding Brandon's killer. Everything she had learned so far was coming together slowly, but as more was thrown at her she was struggling to connect all the dots. Was Brandon killed because of how he was stealing things or because of this mysterious photo? She needed to look through his notebook for more clues. She also had to process that letter. His letter confirmed everything she had learned so far. She had to find out more about the other guys who died but for some reason she felt like he was the most important because he died first.

She opened up his notebook for the third time. Every time she opened it and saw his handwriting, she felt a pang in her chest. There was a note about a date a month before he died. Sammy's name was scrawled next to it and the diner Jack worked at. Sammy? As in Sammy Jack's friend? Why would Brandon be going on a date with her? Maybe it didn't mean like a date, maybe it meant like a study date. She had to talk to Sammy. There were a couple more dates before that point with her name scrawled in it. How did Clarke not know? Was everything in that letter a lie? Did he not really love her like he said he did? Why was his life such an enigma considering she had known him her entire life?

She couldn't focus on this right now. She pulled off Jack's jacket, almost forgetting that she had been wearing it. It was a simple back hoodie with white strings. She brought it to her nose and recognized the lavender scent of his shampoo. Then it hit her that she was smelling someone's jacket like a weirdo and set it down on her bed. She had to call detective Vale tomorrow to see if he knew anyone who was known for stealing in their town from their high school. That was step one. Next step was to ask Sammy what her and Brandon were. Maybe she could get some more perspective on what was happening in his life before he died because apparently, she knew nothing. She would start first thing in the morning. As she tried to lay her head down, she found herself holding the jacket much like a teddy bear. She let its lavender scent wash over her as she drifted to sleep.