The Harbinger

Chapter 15

Subsequently, Mischa avoided Tai as much as he could. He ate lunch on his own, far away from where Tai and his friends sat. And when they crossed paths in the school’s corridor, Mischa didn’t look at him. It was hard to avoid him because the school was so small. Mischa would still see him almost daily, and Tai always had a look of longing and a hurt smile on his face. But he respected Mischa’s space.

Mischa also crossed paths with Tai’s friends, who tried to be friendly at first, but he ignored them, too, and eventually, their greetings, their smiles stopped. It was like they returned to being perfect strangers.

Mischa ignored Tai’s texts, though Tai insisted on texting him almost every day. Eventually, it was like Tai was just conversing with himself, almost like he was keeping a diary. He would write to Mischa about his day and ask him about his. Even though Mischa wanted to be left alone, or so he thought, the texts were reassuring. On the days where there were none, Mischa was disappointed, and wondered every time if this was the day Tai finally gave up and the texts would stop entirely. But the next day, they always reprised.

Mischa wondered if Tai would keep trying so hard if he just pitied him. Maybe he had lied to his friends. Maybe there was more. Mischa dared to hope, but he wanted to protect his heart from being broken again.

A few weeks after Mischa overheard Tai and his friends, Tai texted Mischa, as he did most days. “I decided to stop seeing Anna. I just found there was no chemistry between us, no spark. I couldn’t continue to lead her on like that.”

Mischa’s heart skipped a beat, before fluttering furiously.

“She was pretty sad, but she was understanding,” the texts continued. “I guess she knew, she felt it too.”

Mischa grabbed his phone. His fingers hovered over the keyboard for several minutes. He wanted so badly to reply, to reopen that door. The hope he refused to let in before was flooding in like a powerful wave, and there was no stopping it.

Mischa finally typed. “I’m sorry to hear that.” His heart raced like an Olympic sprinter and a warmth filled him, reddening his cheeks. What would Tai say after his first contact in weeks?

“Thank you, Mischa,” the text came in. For what? For his sympathy? Or for finally answering his texts?

Then, came a smiley face.

Mischa needed to know. His fingers danced on the keyboard like he had texted all his life. “I heard what you said to your friends. About pitying me.”

“I see.” What kind of answer was that?

“It really, really hurt me.”

“I’m sorry, Mischa. I didn’t mean it.”

“No, it’s true. I know it is.”

No answer came for a few minutes. Mischa began pacing the bedroom, the presence within it weighing on him, reminding him he couldn’t get close to anyone. He wasn’t allowed.

“Maybe there was a little bit of that at first,” Tai finally answered, “but there’s more than that now. A lot more than that.”

Mischa wanted to be reassured. But there was nothing else to say.

“I’m sorry, Mischa,” Tai apologized again.
Mischa so badly wanted to let him in. But there wasn’t room for anyone else.

***

“Nobody will ever love you like I do, Cassiel. Nobody will ever protect you, comfort you, keep you, like I can. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Others will tempt you, they will try to seduce you with their lies, but don’t ever fall for it. There is only me.”