Returning To Loving You

Our Distain For Each Other

Every single day that I competed in this dumb show from that day on was hell. The worst of it was I had to put on my usual stoic facade for the cameras, and even the other contestants. The only one's who actually knew about my suffering were Izzy and Owen.

Owen, who would relentlessly make sure I was feeling okay and always keep my mind off of Cody with his goodnaturedness and attempts at humor was probably the only reason I hadn't been voted off Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot. Him and Izzy were really the only friends I had. I suppose Tyler might be my friend, but every since the dude's girlfriend got voted off, he's been quiet and solemn and out of the way. So it's been just me and Owen and Izzy.

It took an especially hard toll when both of them were hospitalized after a plane crash. And perhaps, Owen's fear of flying was warranted. That left me with Tyler, who was still sulking and acting abnormal, and Alejandro, whose phone Izzy and I had hurled into the Atlantic ocean.

Speaking of, Alejandro hasn't said a word about his M.I.A. cellphone. Presumably because he can't without getting him and half the production team of Total Drama in trouble. It could only be assumed the guy has no idea who was behind it, but it was never brought up or even hinted at. That didn't mean I was completely immune to being voted out. However, with Owen and Izzy suffering serious injuries, at least I know I'm not at the bottom of the totem pole (no matter how terrible it is for me to think that about my friends).

Owen returned halfway through the second challenge.

"Ugh, vacation's over" I heard a sultry voice mutter almost silently. Without even sparing a glance at the cursing Spaniard,  I smiled at Owen, mostly in spite of Alejandro. But also because I was genuinely glad he was okay.

By the looks of it, Izzy wasn't so lucky. Owen mentioned something about her being taken away by, and I quote, "some whores in a helicopter". Clearly he was upset.

It was in between our back and forth whispers that I heard two voices screaming out in fear. Cody and Sierra, gripping tightly to a bobsled, hurdled down the challenge course. To distract myself, I went back to talking with Owen.

"So, a military guy took Izzy away?" I asked, no longer whispering.

"Yeah, maybe because she's so smart now. She said she figured out time travel."

Before I could express my doubts, the sound of Cody and Sierra colliding with a cement wall filled the air.

Then it was Tyler and Alejandro's turn on the challenge.  I rearranged my focus and watched my teammates slide recklessly across the course. To the entire team's distain, we were still behind Team Amazon.

Before I even had time to process it, it was Owen and me on the bobsled ready to make a run for our team. No thanks to Owen's body fat, we still fell behind the other teams. Right before Owen landed on me (and might've cracked my goddamn rib), I saw several of the contestants,  including Cody,  cringe sympathetically as I got crushed by my good friend into the cement. Wonderful.

It wasn't all for naught, because it was DJ who suffered the elimination, therefore eliminating the last of Team Victory. Although,  because of Izzy's injuries, we also lost a teammate. That put us at a numbers disadvantage. But that wasn't the only disadvantage we were facing. Team Amazon and Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot were both in economy class.

It wasn't too difficult to distract myself from Cody when I was with Owen. But after overhearing Tyler talking to Cody, there was nothing to get me out of my funk. Just as I was settling into the corner of the bench, I overheard Cody and Tyler giggling over something. It was light enough that I could see them leaning over a picture. I wasn't able to see it, but their conversation spoke for itself.

"Dude I can't believe she didn't wake up! You were practically in her lap" Tyler laughed quietly. Cody snickered.

"I know! When I get home I'm going to the copy shop and getting this blown up to poster size and sticking her right next to Farrah Fawcett's poster"

"Good call!"

I didn't even have to hear a name to know who's unconcenting face was on that snapshot.

This time, instead of pure sorrow, what I felt was a bitter anger. An anger sprinkled with pain and perhaps even jealousy.  Of course I couldn't act on it, but my body tensed up involuntarily. Owen, who was on the floor leaning against my leg, must've noticed, because he scooted his way onto the bench and whispered, "Are you okay?".

I pursed my lips, and replied quickly, clipping my words without meaning to.

"Let's go to the dining area"

He followed me silently to the empty, pathetic excuse for a mess hall. I sat down on the edge of the table, with Owen standing across from me.

"What was that about?" He asked, although there was no accusation in his voice. I truly didn't deserve a friend like Owen.

"That fucking twerp" I muttered, barely letting the bitter words past my clenched teeth.

Owen put a hand on my forearm and sighed.

"Man, I'm so sorry. He's such a jackass"

I nodded without a reply. I didn't want that to be true. I didn't want to think of Cody, who had once been so beautiful and brilliant to me, to now be a jackass. But that's the sobering truth.

"Yeah" I breathed.

I let my forehead connect to the tabletop like a magnet. From fatigue, overexertion in the challenges, and now this whole Cody fiasco, I was drained. 

Owen's hand lifted from my arm onto my lowered head. His fingers mixed with my gritty, unwashed hair. I've never been someone who craves physical affection, except for the occasional horny night that every teenage guy can expect. But despite that, Owen's sturdy hand on my shaking, unbalanced head was something worth savoring.  Something worth craving. Before I could stop myself, I nuzzled myself into the palm of his hand, until instead of just resting it on top, it was stroking my hair. And it felt like heaven. I wasn't on a barely-held-together plane miles above the ground. Instead, I was somewhere safe. Somewhere welcoming. Somewhere that drew me in instead of pushing me away.

Owen drew me in, Cody pushed me away.

He pushed me away.

I had no idea how long it was like that. There was a solid chance I had fallen asleep with Owen's fingers tangled in my hair. Eventually though, he pulled his hand away gently.

"Come on, let's go back in" he said softly. I nodded, scooting my head back and forth along the table. Then I lifted my head, which felt heavier than ever, and followed Owen back to economy class.

Everyone was asleep. Courtney and Gwen were leaning against each other, back to back. Heather had been condemned to the floor, resting her head on her arm. Sierra's head was tilted back in slumber, and Cody was laying a few feet off of the girls, his mouth parted slightly.

On our side, it was only Tyler and Alejandro. They sat next to each other on the floor, each leaning their heads back on the bench. Owen settled back into the corner and on the floor. I almost felt guilty for letting him sleep on the dingy bottom of the airplane, but when he laid down, he looked like he was comfy enough. I laid down on the bench above him, and without a second though or feeling self conscious about it, I draped my arm off the side of the bench, where my fingers found his hair. His hair, to my surprise (and envy), was very soft. I twirled it around my fingers until I fell asleep, feeling drawn in. Not pushed away.