Returning To Loving You

Repairing The Broken

"Hey, man"

Trent stepped into my room without knocking. It had become pointless weeks ago, as he and Justin (and Tyler after he got eliminated) spent most their time on my sofa anyway.

Speaking of Tyler, things between him and me were still pretty iffy. I was still upset he teamed up with Alejandro and Duncan against me, but he was such a good natured guy that it seemed too cruel even for me to give him the cold shoulder. There was an unspoken tension we agreed to mutually ignore, and somehow that was enough for me. Two years ago, I wouldn't have had the emotional maturity to brush it off so easily, but pre-Total Drama Noah and Ass-Owned-By Total Drama Nkah were very different people. I chose not to dwell on it as not to upset myself.

Instead I nodded to the spot next to me on the grungy sofa, gesturing for Trent to sit down. He looked distraught, but one look at his face told me he was going to pretend he wasn't, so I would pretend I hadn't noticed in kind.

Trent had been having some complicated revelation as of late. It wasn't much of my business, but now that he and I were close and I'm still the gossip queen I always was, I was able to piece together that he was going through some sort of identity crisis almost certainly related to both Gwen and Justin. Gwen had been eliminated a few days ago, which means she'll be arriving back at this shitty motel any day now, and that was a disaster waiting to happen. The "peanut gallery" had unknowingly formed sides: Team Gwen and Team Courtney. Neither team interested me as I couldn't stand either of their representatives, but Courtney was the lesser of two evils. Plus I owed that much to Trent.

Anyway, with the Total Drama Civil War happening behind the scenes, the atmosphere of the motel (and yes, it's the same dumpster we were stuck at last season) had become a tension-filled war zone. Frankly, filming Motel Del Losers would probably get more ratings than the actual show.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to Cody, for several reasons. Firstly, there was no contest on whose team he'd join, and that was a turd I didn't feel like plunging. Secondly, our contact has been fairly limited. Other than the exchanging of a few terse messages, we hadn't spoken much, and we didn't have a true foundation to build anything on. I'm not even sure if I want to build anything at all. Well, I do, but the whole thing's such a convoluted disaster that I know nothing could ever work as long as we were contracted to this goddamn reality show. Maybe when season three is finally over, we can iron it back out and try again. It seemed like an unattainable daydream at this point.

"You've got your thinking face on, Asshole" Justin crudely pointed out, breaking me away from my internal monologue. I sneered at him, but didn't fight back.

Justin was actually my saving grace this last while. He and I had had some of the most intelligent conversations I've had since the series began (To be fair, the bar was low). He had given me someone to vent to about my Cody problem in exchange for my advice on his own boy problems. He had a different way of making me feel heard than Owen did, probably only because he was having almost similar issues with Trent. Both Justin and Trent's and me and Cody's relationships were in an awkward state of homeostasis. Or as Justin had referred to it, homo-stasis. Whether he was making a joke or just being incompetent, there was no telling.

"Trent's too much of a pussy to make a move, and I have too much pride" Justin had complained to me once, during one of our conversations. I nodded, secretly admiring his self-awareness.

"Yeah, that sounds about right" 

Justin and I were alone in his room that he had been sharing with Trent. Trent had been dicking around with Tyler and DJ, so Justin was free to spill his frustrations about the boy.

"I swear, ever since I kissed him that one time, I haven't had the guts to say anything to him. I was too embarrassed!"

I couldn't help comparing his plight to my own fragile relationship with Cody. My ego hadn't allowed myself to truly talk to Cody about all the harsh words that were said from both parties. Breaking away from the embarrassment and leftover pain was like trudging through molasses in oversized rainboots. What made it harder was that Cody was virtually unreachable. He was halfway across the world, and his messages had stopped fairly suddenly a couple weeks ago. If I had to guess, someone finally pried Sierra's laptop away from her.

"Yeah, I get that" I said absently, still lost in thought about Cody.

Justin continued to rant for another hour. I didn't mind, but it certainly didn't make me feel better about my Cody issues. But it didn't take a genius to figure out the only thing that could make me feel better about it was a real conversation with him. But as long as he was still in the competition, that wasn't quite possible. So for now, I'd stay put in my dusty motel room with my dumbass friends and watch American Idol.

"This chick can not sing" Trent groaned at the TV and Justin nodded in agreement. Tyler wasn't truly paying attention, and I was half watching while also reading a book. Rereading a book, actually. Dammit, I should've packed more books, with all the downtime I have at this butthole of a motel.

"Speaking of singing, we have to film an Aftermath episode here soon" Trent said, leaning into the couch cushions. His shoulder pressed against Justin's, and I could see the latter's face heat up.

"Where'd you hear that?" I asked, hoping that maybe it was just a rumour and I'd be safe from that dumpster fire of a show for a while.

"Geoff told me. He said they're planning something special" Trent groaned.

I rolled my eyes.

"Geoff's become a walking Total Drama advertisement"

The other three boys hummed in agreement.

Well hopefully, whatever this "something special" is, I don't have to be involved.

----------------------

"Oh, fuck me" I groaned under my breath when Blaineley had me join her game.

There were a lot of emotions going on in my head. Most of them were rage. A few were embarrassment. But one of them, a tiny son of a bitch in the dustiest corner of my brain, was excitment. Because if I played this dumb game, and if on an off chance I won, I'd be back in the running for the million dollars. Which was good enough, but the real prize was getting to see Cody again.

I didn't want to want to see Cody. God, I had been trying not to want to for months. But it only took a small dose of the kid, and I was hooked, and I was finally getting around to admitting that to myself. Justin helped me realize I have to get over myself a little bit. But not too much, of course. I'm still big-headed enough to not want to actually try to win a ticket back in the competition. Which maybe is fine, because if I had tried harder, I could've ended up like poor Tyler, who took quite a beating.

And even though I didn't win (and got hit in the balls and got my face violated by an alien), I felt a little pride in myself for getting over my ego, even just a little bit. Hell, I've got a lot of work to do, but maybe this is what I need to fix my relationship with Cody.