I'll never love again - Breaky/Dealor ✔️

Chapter 8

Henloo,
mosquitos  attacked me and I'm guessing I'm allergic because this is not looking good ...
There's three song references in the chapter and I'm super curious if you can guess them all.
Also please leave a comment, because feedback is very important to me asa writer.
Enjoy 💛.

John's POV

I changed my clothes and I went downstairs with Roger. I wasn't sure about this. I didn't want this report to the police. He hurted me but I don't want him in jail. In the corner of my eye I saw Brian. I started to stress out straight away in the second I saw him.

"Deaky can we talk?" he said and grabbed my arm. I didn't expect that, my anxiety was growing with every second. Would he hurt me and Roger? Maybe he heared our conversation or saw us kissing eachother in the bathroom.

"No! No,no, no please let me go Brian. I'm beggin you ... " I sobbed and Roger pushed Brian away from me. Somehow Brian catched his balance and tried to talk to me again. I was scared I didn't know what should I do or say. I felt hopeless.

"Are you deaf? Leave him alone. You hurted him enough! Look at him, he's fucking terrefied! Don't fucking touch him, we're going to the police and you're gonna be in jail!"Roger yelled at him, his face were red and he pushed Brian with every sentence he said. Brian tried to fight him but even Roger was shorter than him he was much stronger. And I always found it really sexualy atractive.

"What? P-police? John just hear me out, please ... Please  ..." I looked him in the eyes across the room and noded. I was scared but I was curious what he wanted to say. Why he hurted so much the person that he loved. I felt humiliated, he laughed at me that I'm not 100% male and I never feel more insecure in my life about that. His arms hurted my body and his words hurted my soul.

"Let him speak Rog ..." I said in broken voice.
"But he hurted you ... h-he humiliated you!" Rog outbursted.
"I want to listen what he's got to say ..."
"I'm not leaving I won't let him hurt you again ..."Roger said or more like hissed in Brian's face.

I simply noded and sat on the couch with Brian. He tried to hold my hand but I backed off. I was scared that he's gonna hurt me again. All my body was hurting. Especially my neck and my wrists. He looked at me with his sad hazel eyes. Same eyes I found so beautiful not that long ago.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry John, I didn't mean to hurt you neither psychically or mentaly. I don't know what happened ... why I beated you up ..." he began.

"You not only beated me up but you humiliated me Brian! I never feel so ashamed in my life. Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feel,Brian! I was so in love with you, how could you laugh at my g-gender multiple times,  you said I'm useless now so I'm out of the band. You told me that I'm psycho. How could you? You were so supportive. You always checked if I took my meds and you always gave me a ride to my therapy group. And even once you took part in it, it was so sweet of you. I thought that you're the one I want to spent the rest of my life with ..." I interrupted him and bursted in cry. 

I didn't even pushed him when he hugged me gently. I just cried in his shoulder.  His hoodie must be soaking wet but I was too overhelmed to care about such things. He gently stroked my hair and hummed some melody in my ear. 

I didn't uderstand how someone so caring and loving hurted me so bad yesterday.  He was a monster and now he was my sweet, loving Brian again. I was so confused.  I didn't know how I really felt about this, about us, about Roger...

He kissed the top of my head.
"I was drunk and didn't mean a thing. I swear I'll never humiliate you like that. I love you so much John, you're the love of my life. I want to marry you someday and have kids  with you, I'm really happy with you. I promise I'll cut down the alcohol ..." he said cupping my bruised cheek.

"I don't know if I should trust you Brian ..." I said looking down at my lap.
"You always say that everybody deserve a second chance.  I'm begging you, just one more chance. Please princess ..." he said looking into my eyes.
I bit my lip and looked at him.
"O-okay but I need some time to cool down ..." I said quietly and he hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"I hope you're joking!" Roger scoffed and I looked in the corner of the room where he was standing  "How can you be so naive John? How can you trust him again after what he did?! He tried to suffocate you for god's sake. He ..."
"Enough! Enough Roger. It's my decision. He's my boyfriend I love him and I think it's time for you to mind your own business ..." I said quietly but firmly while trying to avoid his gaze.

"I always had you're back, we're best friends since you were five but some guy you met few years ago and who's hurting you is better and more important? Well okay then!" He yelled.
I started to shake.  I bit my lip so hard I could feel blood in my mouth. Tears were streaming down my cheeks like Niagara waterfalls.

"I'm s-sorry ..." I sobbed chocking on my tears.
"You know what? I don't give a shit. I'm so tired of trying to make you happy when you don't want to be! If you'll come to me crying that he hurt you again I'll just ignore you, you could be dying and I won't care!" He yelled from the top of his lungs and left the house.

I jumped in Brian's lap when the door slammed. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump straight of my chest. I touched my forehead, it was all covered in sweat.

"John? John you're having panic attack?" Brian said while lying me down on the couch.
I noded few times and held his hand tightly.
"I'm gonna get you your  camomile tea, okay?"
"I want c-cuddle ..."I cried curled into a ball.
"We will, I just get our tea,  okay?"
I noded and he kissed my temple. I hide under the blankets and tried to take deep breaths. After a couple of minutes Brian was back with my tea.

"Maybe you want to go to your room?"
"Can you take me there?" I asked playing with his fingers.
"Of course princess ..." he said and picked me bridal style.
I chuckled lightly and grabbed tea from coffee stand. He put  mug on the night stand and gently lied me on the bed. He was towering me and I could feel his hot breathe on my face. My heart was still beating like crazy.  I put my head a little bit higher and kissed him. He gasped and I deepened the kiss.

"Now cuddle ..." I pounted.
We lied in bed together untill it was dark outside.  I yawned and played with his hair. He smiled and kissed my nose.
"I'm sleepy Bri-bri  ... I'm gonna take a bath and go to bed, can you stay with me tonight?  I don't want to sleep alone  ..." I asked.

"Of course my princess. You feel better?"
"Yes,  the tea and cuddle helped, it's much better now" I said and pecked his lips few times.
"But you need to help me, I can't get my bandage wet".
Brian went with me to the bathroom and I started  undressing myself.
"I'm so sorry princess . I'm sorry that I hurted you, my precious little thing..." he said kissing every bruise on my body.

"We can work it out" I said cupping his face and kissing him passionately.
He put my hair in messy bun just not to get them wet. I hold onto him while entering the thub.
He helped me to clean myself and later he changed my bandage.

"Thank you so much love, can we go to sleep now? " I asked and squealed like a little girl when he picked me in a bridal style again. I chuckled lightly while looking in his beautiful eyes. On the corridor we met with Rog whom just send us a death glare. I didn't want to hurt him but I know I did .