I'll never love again - Breaky/Dealor ✔️

Chapter 12

Roger's POV

It hurted me to see John so unhappy and depressed. He was spending most of the time in bed, I tried to cheer him up but it wasn't really working sometimes. He changed his medicines lately and he need to suffocate some time until they would work.
He was even more quiet after Brian raped him. I feel he is bearing a grude that I didn't save him. He let me cuddle him sometimes or give a peck on the lips. But some part of him died. He didn't seem enjoy little things anymore. He stopped wearing dresses, makeup - I know he was enjoying it, he could be just himself. I tried to be supporting but my patience was wearing thin. He was spending second month in his room. They fired him from the previous job, I was working like a dog to pay rent, buy food and medicines for him. I was also paying for his therapy sessions ... I didn't heard a simple thank you from him. I was just tired of this.

I got back from work. John was on the sofa watching tv. Again.
"Hey babe ..." I kissed his cheek.
He only hummed in return. I sighed when I saw full sink of the dishes from the previous days. I clenched my fists. I had enough of this.
"I simply asked you to clean and cook dinner ... Just for once John. I have two jobs so we could pay rent, bills and have something to eat. I'm working sixteen hours per day for fucks sake! What are you doing whole day, huh? Because I have barely time for sleep! And you're spending all day in bed pitting yourself! Why don't you help me a little? I told you to find a job. We can't live like this, we can't work on the albums because we don't have any money! You have two weeks John, to find a job ... Pull yourself together, 'cause you know you should do better ..."
I was crying at the end of my monolugue.
"I'm just so tired John, if it doesn't change I'm leaving. I love you more than life itself but I'll leave ..." I said and slammed the door.

I didn't wait for his response but he was shocked. He tried to say something but I locked myself in the bathroom.
I heard him knocking on the door but I ignored it. I poured hot water into the bathtube and got in. Maybe he finally gave up. Long bath helped calmed my nerves a little. When I opened the door John collapsed , he must holding onto it. I just raised a brow and passed him.
"Uh ... Roger can we talk?" He asked nervously.
"I don't want to talk! And take that, it would be useful!" I said and threw his covers at him "Go sleep on the couch"
"What?" He narrowed his eyes.
"I'm sick of this John, I was treating you like a porcelain but enough of that! I have feelings too and I can't overworking myself when you're lying on the sofa all day ..."
"My therapist said that I'm slowly making progress and ..." He said calmly.
"Your therapist that I'm paying for John!"
"I ... uh ... I'm sorry Roger. I'll change, I promise. I don't want to ... god, I can't lose you."
"It's just empty promise, when I'll see it, I'll belive" I said and locked door to the bedroom.

John's POV

I spend the night doing the dishes and cleaning our flat as quiet as possible. I couldn't lose him, he was everything to me. And I needed to change because I was just being parasite now. Kitchen, bathroom and living room was as clean as new. I was pretty tired from this. I just had a really quick nap and start preparing breakfast for Roger, he always got up around 4.30 am.

"God, what smells so good?" The blonde's head appeared in the kitchen.
"Is full english okay for you?"
"Uh, yeah ... Thanks" he said frowning.
"Get ready and I'll get you breakfast and something for later ..." I said and pecked his cheek.
"You cleaned?"
"Yes"

I did him sandwiches to work and packed also some fruits for him. I served breakfast along with black coffee.
He smiled and sat down.
"Are you okay doll?"
"Yeah, the truth need to be said. You can't babysitting me while working like a dog. Somebody need to clean my eyes. I'm fine chubby ..." I leaned in and kissed him slowly.
"Put the dishes to the sink, I'm gonna do it later when I'm gonna get some sleep ..." I said yawning.
"Hey, don't be stupid, go sleep to the bedroom"
I smiled holding the covers and went to our bedroom. A quater later he said goodbye and kissed me softly. I missed this. I missed us.