I'll never love again - Breaky/Dealor ✔️

Chapter 7

John's POV

I woke  up and groaned. It was definitely too light in the room for my liking. I slowly got up and covered the curtains. My whole body was hurting because I falled yesterday or more like Roger knocked me down. God I shouldn't drink so much yesterday. I thought if Roger can drink so much so do I. Guess I was wrong.

Suddenly I felt very naseus and I rushed to the toilet. I spilled out my guts shaking really badly. Tears came to my eyes while my fists clenched on the porcelain. I felt a hand holding my hair  and second caresing my back. It couldn't be Brian he was furious at me yesterday. He held my wrists so tight that I have bruises.  I was breathing deep and slowly, trying to calm down.

"Roger i-is that you-u ...?" I asked quietly.
"Yes,  I'm here.  Everything's gonna be fine, I promise ..."
I hated that people always make promises that they couldn't keep.  Everything was bullshit, like my life.
"Take a few deep breaths ..." he said while gently putting my hair in ponytail. He was such a sweetheart.  I  tried to calm down. I vomited a few times more. My throat was burning, my stomach was empty and my body was weak.  I sat next to the toilet and looked at him.

"Why you so good for me? Why you're doing this?" I sound  broken.
I didn't want to cry, but I could feel the tears in my eyes anyway.
"Because we're bestfriends and  ... and I love you John" he said holding my chin up.
I blushed and smiled softly.
"But now you little stinky thing, go shower and brush you're teeth.  I'm gonna prepare breakfast" he said and stroked my hair.
"I don't want to eat ..." I pounted.
"Just cheese on toast and camomile tea, okay? "
"Okay" I said and got up.

When he left bathroom I put all my clothes to the laundry bin.  I was standing in front of mirror. I looked disgusting. Every bone in my body poked through my skin. My skin was white like chalk. I hated every little thing about me. I wish I was beautiful, or even pretty. There were so many voices in my head. I couldn't handle this ... I screamed and smashed mirror with my fist. It broke in milion pieces and I sat on a cold floor. I saw Roger running into the bathroom. I didn't even cared that I'm naked.

"Deaky ... What happened ... Why the mirror is broken ... Oii you're bleeding."
I could see he was nervous.  I didn't want to worry him or make him upset.
"I'm so sorry ..." I sniffled.
"Okay, okay I'm gonna take you to the hospital, but let me bath you first  ... is this okay?" He said touching my face.
I simply noded.

I was sitting calmly in the bathtub while Roger was gently washing my body. I was watching him and my bleeding hand.  He looked me in the eyes.
"Um  ... can you clean yourself there ... or  ..."
he said red like tomato.
"Not really, my hand is bleeding " I smirked.
I moaned softly when he was cleaning  my intimate parts.
"We don't have time for this" he said harsly.
"I know ..." I pounted and he washed my hair. He dressed me up and put cloth around my hurted hand and drove me to the hospital.

I was scared.  I know it was stupid to smash the mirror. But I wanted to stop the voices in my head.  I was silent in car. Roger did all the talking in hospital too.  I had a few stiches. The doctor said I need to have these for a month, and recovery will take another two if I want to play bass. 

Roger's POV

I was worried about John. His anxiety was getting worse. I want him to be happy. John was in the doctor's office now. I searched for the payphone, I wanted to inform Brian about the accident, maybe he was worrying sick. I reached to my pocket for some coins and called the studio.

"Hello?" I heared Brian's voice at the other end.
" 'ello this is Roger ..."
"Bloody hell Rog, where the fuck are you two,  we're in studio with Freddie for a couple of hours" he yelled.
"We're in the hospital actually ... John smashed the mirror with his fist and he's at the doctor's office right now ..."
"This bloody kid,  I'll be there in 30"
"Well ... okay, bye" I said  and went back to waiting room.

John's POV

I left the doctor office and went to the waiting room. I frowned when I saw Brian talking to Roger. My boyfriend send me a death glare and I had bad feeling about this.
I walked  to them.
"H-hey ..." I said quietly.
"Hey baby, you okay? " Brian said and kissed me softly.
I didn't kissed back.I only hummed that I'm fine.
"What doctor said?" Roger asked.
"Stiches for a month, and recovery for another two. So basically I can't play for 3 months  ..." I bit my lips.
"It's okay John, we can do it .." He said and I smiled softly.

I wanted to go home with Roger but Brian hold tightly my wrist.
"You're coming home with me, understood?" he hissed through clenched teeth.
"Hurts ..." I said with tears in my eyes.
He hold me even stronger.
"Understood?"
"Y-yes ..." I sobbed quietly and went to his car.
He started the engine and we was on our way to home.  I didn't want to talk. I wanted to break up,  he wasn't the person I felt in love with. Whole ride was silent.

When we arrived I ignored everyone and went to my room. After a couple of minutes Brian let himself in.
"I want to be alone now" I said trying to be as far as possible from him.
"I don't care ..." he laughed and it scared me.
He locked the door and I started to panic.
"I'm gonna scream for help if you won't  leave" I said shakily.

"You so sure princess?" He hissed and grabbed my throat. I was terrefied,  I tried to catch my breathe but I couldn't.
"Do you know how useless you are now?  We won't na waiting for you, you hopeles bitch!  We're gonna find new bassist and you're out of the band!"
He dropped me to the ground and I was sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes, trying to catch breathe.
"Why did you even broke that mirror, hmm" he asked and pouled my hair.
"I don't know! These v-voices in my head ..." I sobbed.

"You're fucking psycho, aren't you?" He slapped my face and I looked at him with my mouth hang open.
I touched my burning cheek and looked down.
"I'm soooorry ..." I cried.
"You better be sorry. You should be grateful that I'm in relationship with you. You think that somebody would like to be with you? What are you even?  A boy or a girl? ..." He laughed.
"Shut up!" I yelled.

He slapped my face again.
"Don't fucking interupt me when I'm talking to you slut, understood? "
"Yes"
"Good"  he held my face tightly and kissed me "Kiss me back" he demanded.
I was too scared too say no. I kissed him softly and he left my room.
I curled under the blankets while crying my eyes out.

I didn't left my room today. I didn't want anybody to see me like that. I changed clumsily into my pyjamas.  It was quite the challange with one arm able. I went to sleep.

As I woke up I went to bathroom and I tried to find some make up to cover this bruise on my face. There were finger prints on my throat. I changed my bandage  and suddenly Roger entered the bathroom.
"Oii sorry mate ... bloody hell Deaky what happened to you ..." He tried to reach my cheek with his hand but I backed off.

"Who did this to you?"
"Um,  I collapsed on the stairs  ..."  I lied.
"And stairs tried to suffocate you? Interesting ..."
"It was Brian ..." I said quietly "And he said that I'm out of the band because I'm useless  now if I can't play for 3 months ..." I said quietly and broke into tears.
"Oh,  Deaky ..." he said and hugged me gently.
"I want to break up with him, but I'm so scared Roger  ..." I cried when he was caresing my hair "He changed so much ... I don't even recognise him ..."
"We need to  go to the police"
"No. No police, he's gonna kill me" I said.
"I'm begging you John. Do you trust me?" He asked.
I noded.
"So go with me" he said gently kissing my lips, I gasped and kissed him back.  His lips tasted like cherries and were silky smooth.  I deepened the kiss and smiled softly. This made me feel a little better.

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