I'll never love again - Breaky/Dealor ✔️

Chapter 6

John's POV

“John, just a couple drinks and we’ll go back. Please, I miss my best friend.” He said with sad eyes. I sighed and shrugged. “Ok, Roger, but only because you asked nicely”

As we walked to the bar, or I walked and Roger ran trying to keep up, he began screaming “WAIT FOR ME I HAVE LITTLE LEGS”

I chuckled and slowed down so he could catch up. “You always know how to cheer me up”

He smiled gleefully. “That’s why we’re best friends, mate.”

We continued walking until we got into the bar. We order and sat on the stools. Roger stared off in the distance. I took a few sips of my beer before putting my hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Remember when we lost our virginities in a tree house?” He smirked and I choked on my drink. “Roger, shut up! Of course I remember and it was the best sex of my life” He whispered the last part. “But I’m with Brian and we can’t do that anymore because—”

“Ha! So you’re saying I’m better than your poodle in bed!” He said, interrupting me. I blushed deeply. “I didn’t say that”

I groaned and called for another beer.
"Slow down mate,  we're don't want to get you drunk,  do we?"

"But I want be pissed.I'm fucking tired of this shit Rogie ... Alcohol help me to relax and clean my head a little bit. We're fighting all the time. I do love him but sometimes I can't control myself. I feel like I'll never be enough, I'm not confident like him  and I can't write good songs ..." the tears were streaming down my cheeks.
Roger hugged me tightly. I could feel his aftershave and cologne.

"Hey beautiful, please don't cry" he said and wiped away my tears. I hide my face in the crook of his neck and I tried to calmdown while he was humming quietly in my ear.  I could feel his hot breath tickling my ear.  I smiled softly.
"I think you're beautiful ..." he said while caresing my hair"You're really smart and I love your cheesy sense of humor, I love your sassiness. I love when you're smile, yea like this, your eyes are shining and those cute little dimples in your cheeks ..." he said cupping my face.

I breathed shakily while looking into his eyes. I smiled  widely showing off my teeth gap. He leaned in trying to kiss me. I want it so bad, but I can't hurt Brian. He's good for me, but I don't think we destined to be together. My heart beated faster,  my palms were sweating.  He kissed me and I kissed back. A sweet moan escaped my lips when he tugged my shirt. But I moved away.  I felt bad for doing this. This was so bad but felt so god.

"We ... we shouldn't" I said an looked down.
He just smiled sadly.
"I wish I was the one that can make you happy"
I just bit my lip nervously. I shouldn't been doing this I was hurting them both.Roger is just a best friend- I kept telling myself. Yea bestfriend I lost my virginity with few years ago. God Brian can't find out about this.

"I'm sorry Roger ..." I said quietly.
"I'm gonna get some  beer ..." he replied.
I lighten my cigarette while waiting for him.
I drink a few large beers and I was really tipsy because I don't drink so often. I have solid blush on my face and few my shirt was unbuttoned a little too much but do was too drunk to care.

"I have something to make you relax" he said and show me few joints in his jacket pocket.
"Just like good 'ol days,  hm?" He smiled cheekily.
"Mmm okay, let's go ..." I grabbed his hand and we left the bar. We went in some dark alley to smoke hash. I knew it was irresponsible and we could be arested but I was happy with him at my side.

" Oh this is so good.  Brian probably would kill me for this" I chuckled"You cannot tell him"
"He's no fun "
"Agree" I replied and breathed the smoke through my nose "He even tried to made me quit smoking cigarettes. 'Oh John it's bad for you bla,bla, bla'" I bursted into laugh "I'm not a little baby, I know it's bad. I'll quit only when I'm gonna be pregnant "

Roger looked at me seriously.
"So you told him that you can carry children? "
I simply noded.
"How he reacted? "
"He was really excited about it, but later he asked me so many questions, and he's said that I'm not a man. I'm not a toy,  I have feelings too "

I said and take another  smoke and passed it to Roger. I could feel all my muscles relaxing, I gasped when Roger suddenly kiss me.
"Roger no ..." I said when he was kissing me furiously.
Sweetnees of his lips mixed with the taste of drug. I looked into his eyes and I feelt that  I'm drowning in his baby blues. It was like jump from the cliff into deep dark ocean.
 
We visited a few more pubs and I was really pissed, Roger was looking slightly better.
"I need to seat or I'm gonna puke ..." I pounted while tugging on his shirt.
We sat on the bench and I breathed deeply.
"You shouldn't drink so much" he said caresing my cheek.

"I drank as much as you did ..." I hiccuped.
"Yep,  but you're not used to that Deaks"
I only chuckled and hugged him tightly.
"I have a question " I said
"Mhm "
"Why you rejected me in highschool? After our first time I asked you to be my boyfriend and you just said you're straight and you just wanted to try .... You hurted me, and now you're saying that you love me and I am just confused." I said looking into his eyes.
He bit his lip and quiet sigh escaped his lips. He hugged me tigther and I looked in his glossy eyes.

"I was young and stupid. My parents are very conservative and I'll never come out to them. They always asked me if I had a girlfriend and I didn't know what to say. I was really in love with you I still am. People would hate me and laugh at me that I have a boyfriend. Guess I'm not that strong. I'm so sorry that I lied to you for years ..." I wiped away his tears and gave him a sloapy kiss.

He moaned into my ear and I couldn't help but chuckle. He grabbed my croth and I shaked my head, it was too much I couldn't do this to Brian. I felt bad that I was kissing Roger, we couldn't have sex with each other. With every minute I was confused even more. I got up and rushed home.  We was calling my name but I only speeded up. I wanted to run from him, Brian, even from myself.

Suddenly someone crashed me to the ground I screamed in pain when my body hit crosswalk.
"Why did you run away John? I wouldn't hurt you. If you don't want to have sex I'm okay with it. I just wanted to talk!" He begged.
"Get off me Roger! It hurts ..." I sobbed
"I'm so sorry" he said and helped me to got up.
"My whole body h-hurts ..." I cried in his shoulder. He hugged me tightly and we went back home. 

I quietly opened the door. We were walking on our tiptoes not to wake everybody up because we were high and drunk and I really don't want to be in trouble. I held my breathe when light in the living room suddenly was turned on. Ot was Brian sitting in the armhair.
"Where were you so long?  It's bloody 5 am. What happened to you?" He touched my bruised cheek and looked and ripped jacket.
"I just t-tripped ..." I hiccuped.
"Your drunk and your pupils are huge, you're fucking high aren't you? " Brian grabbed my wrist very tightly .
"You're no fun ..." I said and start walking to my room.
"We're gonna  talk about this tommorow!"
"Yes mum ..." I bursted in laugh and locked the door grom my bedroom.