I'll never love again - Breaky/Dealor ✔️

Chapter 18

September 1974
John's POV

It was almost three weeks since I broke up with Roger. Woody is very good to me, he cares and make sure I always have everything I need. But it felt strange for me sometimes. We can't be official to be honest, nobody at work know about us, even his father. I know we are shortly together but it bothers me ...
I have tried to use to everything; big house, house maid, staying home alone when William was invited to business parties because no one could know ...
Most of the time he stays late at work and I feel so alone at home. I couldn't spend much time with him also at work, because it's 'suspicious'. I have training now at work, so I am more focused on that.
"You're going home?" I asked when I sneaked to his office.
"In an hour, two maybe ... I don't know John ..." He said looking tired.
"You're working too much. I miss you ..." I said quietly kissing him softly.
"John ..."
"Not at work, I get it ..." I bit my lip and inhaled sharply.
I closed door maybe a little too loud. I took my things and left, it was end of my shift.
I had to go to Roger to give him money. I took the tube and knocked at his door. I frowned when Freddie opened the door.

"Hi Freddie, is Roger home? I have money for him"
"I take it. I'm taking care of his finances since he's fired and non-stop on drugs. Everything he has, he spends on it ..."
"I'm sorry to hear that ... Can I help with anything?"
Freddie snorted and shook his head.
"Now you care? Where were you when he needed you the most? Where were you when he nearly overdosed? I had to move in because he doesn't have enough money to stay here, and he can't stay at my home either ..."
"Freddie I didn't know. You don't understand ..."
"Oh no, I understand. You left when it was a little too hard for you. You prefer living in villa with your sugar daddy, that will buy you everything. You don't care about him and I'm trying to help! When he's sober enough he work with me in my second hand shop ..."
I had tears in my eyes at this point.
"I'm sorry ..." I said shakily and gave him an envelope.
"Freddie, who's there?" I heard Roger's raspy voice.
"It's a mistake, lovely. Go to bed ..." He said and closed the door right under my nose.
I bit my lip and left. I felt like a monster. I did this to him. Maybe if I stayed everything would be alright, he would go to rehab, maybe we could be happy. I should stay. It was all my fault. I ran out into the street and put hand over my mouth to drown out the crying.

I don't know how long I was standing there. I went for a long walk, hugging myself desperately. I got home when it was already dark outside. Woody's car was in the driveway. I opened the door and took off my shoes.
"John?"
"Yeah?"
He grabbed my waist and hugged me tightly.
"God, you're okay. I was so worried about you. Where were you?" he asked holding hands on my shoulders "You were crying? What's going on John? I need to know what's happening, I found a lot of pills in your things and I think we need to talk..."
"All of this is prescribed. I am suffering from depression and bipolar disorder, are you happy now?" I shook off his hand.
I went towards the kitchen.
"Baby wait!" he run after me "Why you didn't tell me?"
"Because I want to be normal just once. I want you to treat me normal. Being intersexual it's enough ..." I said looking down.
"Why you don't trust me?"
"I'm sorry. I was at Roger's. I wanted to give him part of the money that I owe him. And Freddie made me realize what monster I am. Roger lost his job because of drugs, and he nearly overdosed, Freddie is helping him ... I should help him and I left him all by himself ..." I start sniffling.
"You shouldn't blame yourself. No one made him doing drugs. No one could predict this would happen ..." He hugged me tightly and caressed my hair.
I inhaled deeply his scent and calmed down a little.
"I will prepare you a bath and order a pizza maybe?"
I smiled weakly and hugged him tightly.
"I love you ..." I whispered in his ear.
"Did you really mean that?"
"Yes" I looked in his eyes and caressed his cheek.
We leaned in and kissed softly. I looked at his smile and it warmed my heart. I went to get fresh pj's. I pecked his lips when I was in bathroom.
"Why you won't get in with me?"
"You sure? I don't want to push you or make you uncomfortable ..."
"You won't. If something will be wrong, I'll tell you" I said kissing him.